7. HOW UGLY WOULD IT BE?

                                    

                                          
Taylor's POV
                          
Vampires are dehumanized beings. Brutal, cruel creatures. It is in her nature to be manipulative, egotistical, territorial. Besides blood, she quickly found there are other cravings that come with immortality - cravings she did not anticipate, cravings she still doesn't know how to fully deal with. Violence takes up a bigger place inside her consciousness than it ever has. Blood requires violence.
                          
Selena isn't familiar with the details of the original spell, but she told Taylor that "do not trust vampires" was rule number one in her household: in red, underlined. Vampires can never wholly control their violence, she said, even the ones who try their hardest. Destructiveness is an elemental component of the spell; it is, therefore, black magic.
                          
Witches should not trust vampires. Should not, but they would, of course. Hence their (near) extinction.
                          
Now, because she was once (and very recently) a human, she can grasp the meaning of morality more than anyone else in her family can. To them it's a concept instead of an instinct - although humans also have their own atrocious ways. Ying and yang, a consequence of an original sin, whatever it is you believe. Humans are both good and bad - vampires are, inherently, not.
                          
The closest an immortal will ever be to feeling any semblance of humanity is during the first ten years of their new existence. Time takes it away. Your integrity, your decency. It gets easier and easier to give in to the blood-sucking demon burning the insides of your throat.
                          
Now, this she has discussed many times with Carlisle. He does not see it her way, evidently, being who he is, having the family he has.
                          
In his three hundred years, he hasn't met another vampire who has never fed from humans. It wouldn't be surprising to find he's the only one of their kind who has refused such a basic, fundamental need so completely. He is different. "Eccentric", "weird", "unnatural". It is clear to everyone who meets him.
                          
Taylor has a harder time justifying why and how the other members of her family have managed to successfully keep such a restrictive diet - they don't want to disappoint Carlisle, they're so happy with their mates they don't need it, well... Don't need it like I do... Edward can read thoughts, so it's easier for him to see himself as the victim, the prey (although he has the highest kill count after Jasper); Jasper can feel people's emotions, so killing is as painful to him as it is to them; Esme is physically incapable of hurting Carlisle by hurting a harmless human being.
                          
Selena is a mystery. Taylor sometimes wonders if she really is a vampire. She simply does not act like one. She moves differently, even breathes at an unusual speed. Not like a human, but not like a vampire either. It's intriguing. She changes the subject whenever she's asked. Of course, getting anything out of Selena when you're not Edward is impossible - unless she voluntarily gives you the information.
                          
Howbeit, each one of these facts and assumptions sound extremely dull when she thinks of the effect human blood - clear, good human blood, not from addicts or alcoholics - has on her body. And she has a better understanding of integrity and morality than all of them. She doesn't know how they can be so indifferent about it. Make a once-a-year vacation out of feeding. Hell, she wishes to know how exactly her adoptive father has remained so consistently good after so many years; he's still a vampire - he goes against his nature not to give into his violent condition every second of every day.
                          
Condition, for they are diseased, their existence an illness. Something ugly, infectious, parasitical; taking, conquering, killing. Vampires cannot wholly control their violence. Witches should not trust vampires. No one should.
                          
If her family is somehow the exception, she's definitely not a part of it.
                          
Taylor thinks this as she feeds on the human - Carly, for the fourth time today. The sun is almost down. It has been nearly 24 hours since they met at the bar.