*attempt suicide in this chapter please skip if you can get triggered*
Disappointment from the person you trusted can break you to no return.....
I paced all around the lobby too anxious to sit as I wait for Ryker. Since last night when I thought about killing myself because Ryker left me torn and in pieces, the thought of him coming to see me kept me from doing something bad. I didn't want him to come only to find me dead, I promised to be fine and he promised to come and see me. I decided to wait, if he is willing to come see me everyday, I won't mind that little happiness because it means the world when he is around and I will keep on wishing for that happiness again, to feel him next to me but it has been a full day and I haven't see him, we are about to be sent to bed and he hasn't come to see me yet. I am scared he won't come but then again he promised he will be here, I have to believe in him.
Maybe he is caught up with something, I just have to be patient, he will come to see me again today he promised, I kept my part and he will keep his part too "Cole, you need to finish this food"
"My friend is coming he will help me" I replied staring at the door waiting for him to step into the building, I have lost my appetite again and I don't even want to look at my food if he isn't here.
"You need to finish this food"
"Leave me alone, I told you I am waiting for someone" I snapped pulling my hand from her, she should stop pestering me about food, I told her I am waiting for someone and she should just get over it once and for all. I made my way close to the door and nurses came my way holding me in place "Let me go, I have to wait for Ryker, he is coming" I tried not to fight them, I am not doing anything wrong I am just waiting for Ryker to come visit.
"We need to take you back to your room, it's time for bed"
"No it's not, I still have some minutes, my friend is coming just give me a few minutes he promised, please" I begged tears streaming down my face, my head jumping from the door to them but the fought me taking me back to my room "No, he is coming he needs to find me there" I cried but the weren't listening to me as they took me back to my room "Please" I fought trying to get out and go back.
"If he comes we will let him in" one of the nurse said, I nodded giving up the fight as I entered my room calmly waiting for Ryker. I sat in my bed with my eyes on the door waiting for him to come through the door but for the entire night.....
He didn't come, he didn't come and it is already morning. I sat on the bed with my knees on my chest tears falling down my face uncontrollably, I feel betrayed and lied to. I have been through alot and the last person who I thought cared enough about my being has just threw me under the bus without a care but what did I expect when no one has ever cared, why would he be the first one to care. This.... This hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me because I love him, I love him more than anything and he has just left me alone too. He broke his promise, he didn't come, he didn't come to see me now I am all alone. I wiped away my tears, got off of the bed to the bin pulling out one of the glasses I threw in and without hesitation I cut my right wrist, I didn't feel any pain as I moved to my other wrist cutting down too.
'i will nolonger get rejected, I will nolonger feel pain, I will never be disappointed, I will never be scared. I am going to be free where I am going' Blood flowed down both my wrists and I waited for the moment I take my last breath. My vision blurred and I felt myself slip away, I stopped feeling my legs, my hands feel limp beside me and I am waiting for the moment, I already feel fine. No one will miss me, I am tired of waiting for happiness that will only be temporary until the next time it disappears, I see darkness all around me everytime, the only light has left me with nothing and now I am letting all go, I will never feel pain......
A beep, a beep woke me up making me squint my eyes at the light in my face. I opened my eyes slowly light shining into them, I blinked focusing on the spinning room as everything came into focus "Hey" I glanced to my side to find both Ryker and Bryan standing above me, staring down at me "How are you feeling?" Ryker asked
I looked down at my wrists to find them bandaged up. It didn't work, it didn't work tears just streamed down my face "Cole what is wrong?" I don't know who asked but I didn't reply, I tried pulling the IV's out of my hand in anger, why didn't it work, I wanted it to work. I thought it worked, I thought I will run away from all of this "Cole stop, go get a doctor" Ryker held both my hands.
"Let me go, don't touch me" I yelled in anger, the doctor walked in injecting something into my tubes as I glared at Ryker, I hate him so much. Why is he here when he couldn't come to see me, does he need me when I am crying or in pain "You broke your promise, I want you to leave" I said calming down. He let go of my hands and I couldn't lift them as my body is calm.
"That will calm him down but don't stress him out, I will be back to do some more check ups" the doctor said but I was glaring at Ryker without taking my eyes off of him.
"Hey" Bryan called from my other side and I turned to him "It's okay-"
"I don't want to see anyone, just leave like you decided to do. I don't need you, I don't need anyone anymore just get out" I replied cutting him off, when was the last time he came in the hospital to see me, those were weeks now he is telling me he is okay. I tried moving my hands but they feel stuck and I can't move them, my head moved around seeing all the tools I could use and this time I will make sure not to fail
"We are here-"
"Can you send that tray over" I asked staring at Bryan, he glanced behind him and he pointed at it "Yes send the knife, the sharpest one" he looked at me as I he can't understand me before his eyes moved to Ryker "Just send the goddamn knife so I can end this, now send it over"
"Bryan could you give us a second" Ryker said
"First send the knife" I said when I saw him walking to the door but he went out before sending the knife my way, bitch I will do this myself. I tried getting off of the bed with my weak body but the more I pulled myself the more I felt my legs again.
"Cole-"
"If you knew something it would be that I don't want to see you" I moved my eyes to him when my body gave out and I couldn't move "Just go and do what you have to do and leave me alone"
"Am sorry-"
"For what" I asked cutting him off "I don't care what you think, I don't care about anything. I don't give a fuck about your apologies because guess what, I don't care. I don't honesty, do you think I care, no I don't, all I want is for you to send that knife over so that I can make a decision, the only decision I have to end it all. Everyone will be happy when I am gone but mostly I will be free of all of you and especially you, now be useful and send that knife over or be as useless as you have been and walk the fuck out because that is the best thing you know how to do"
"I care Co-" I scoffed falling back down on the bed closing my eyes, cutting out all that he has to say because I don't give a fuck.
If I have to live in the darkness then it is fine, he should just stop coming to see me and go live his life like he wants to do. I am not going to be a last thought in people's minds, I would rather be alone so that I know that no one cares than have people who don't care but act like it they do, I don't want to ever be disappointed in my life ever again, wait for someone who promised to visit only for them to not show up. Getting my hopes up, believing I can live for him, believing I can stop all the feelings for him, believing I found someone who might care for me just as much as I care only for all of it to be pretence.
They can both go back to their nice life and leave me alone, I don't need anybody like I have never needed anyone before in my life.
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His World Man*Man
Werewolf"It was all confusing, all of it was so damn complicated. I never understood any of it but I also didn't get a chance to not get sucked into a world by a man who turned my world upside down that I forgot how to live and started peeking into his life...
