Lost

                                    

                                          
- Dale -
                          
Judging from the lack of presence of a specific car that I was hoping to be there, I saw none. Besides mine as I pulled up on our driveway, Connor's was not there. It was definitely unlikely of us to drive our own separate cars but earlier today we just... did it? We could have saved fuel by sharing a car, which we usually do but I don't know what possessed us to drive separately.
                          
When I made my way inside our apartment, I found the whole place deserted, untouched. We still had our dishes from this morning at breakfast, Connor's towel was still on the couch, my coffee mug on the counter. The whole place seemed like messy, but it wasn't really.
                          
I took my coffee mug, that has still about a quarter left inside and finished the now-cold and stale drink. The bitter aftertaste made me calm down, and let me focus on one thing.
                          
I went inside our bedroom, hoping to see a figure underneath the sheets. Instead I was greeted by an unfixed blanket and a thrown away pillow on the floor. I sighed knowing that this was the situation from this morning.
                          
All signs point that Connor did not come home at all. It was nearly five hours ago since I last talked to him and what felt like every minute of me trying to reach him, had been all unsuccessful. 
                          
I dug out my phone from my front pocket and tried calling Connor once more. It just kept on ringing for a whole minute before I was redirected once more to the annoying voicemail. Whoever recoded that please stop.
                          
I finally gave up and I let my body slam on our bed. My arms were stretched wide and my legs split apart, my eyes shut into darkness, hoping that any moment now, Connor would swoop inside the room and tackle me, placing small kisses on my cheek.
                          
Or so I thought. I did not even realize that I had fallen asleep for at least an hour. Connor was still not home. And I'm getting all worried and worked up. I'm not so used to this not having to contact him or reach me when he can. He'd tried to find other ways just let me know where he is at this point just to make sure that he's alright.
                          
It's just been over three weeks since we've moved in to our apartment and the whole place seemed to have started to fall apart. We both thought Uni would be a fresh start for us, a new beginning. Instead he was haunted by a ghost of his past and I am suffering deep anxiety.
                          
My heart couldn't stop beating hard and my entire body shook, almost violently. I swear it would have seem I was convulsing, but I wasn't. I had my parents on speed dial just in case something bad happens to me. I had a few panic attacks just before our finals and graduation that I passed out and almost seriously hurt myself.
                          
I reached over my phone once more that I threw at a distance on my bed. When the screen came to light, I had multiple notifications and multiple missed calls. May had sent a message asking fi I was alright and had at least ten calls from her. Justin did the same, but had half as much calls, most likely because he and May were taking turns to call me and see who I would answer.
                          
One message though made me think twice before responding. Roy Lance(lot) sent me one, and said how worried he was with me and how I reacted earlier. I completely forgot that I had his name spelt that way in my contacts. Guess I never bothered changing it.
                          
A short while later, my phone started to ring after throwing it on the other side of my bed once more. I quickly answered the call without looking at the caller's ID.
                          
"Hi Connor, please come hom-"
                          
"Hi Dale, it's uhm... Roy."
                          
"Oh." There was an immediate and clear pause after. I expected Connor but... Why Roy?"
                          
"Hey Roy."
                          
Roy didn't seem to respond but I heard a low breath on the other side. "How are you feeling?"
                          
"Alone. Connor's not home yet and I even considered calling his parents of his whereabouts. I am anxiously worried already." I sat up on our bed, running my fingers through my hair.
                          
"Do you need some company?" He offered. A weak and tired smile crept on my face.
                          
"As much as I appreciate your offer, I might have to say no." 
                          
"Yeah, I kinda expected that." A sad tone on his voice as he replied. "I thought I would check on you.... You have... a tendency of taking things way too far." 
                          
My mind wondered for a little while. I can't even think straight for coherent thoughs to form and have my mouth speak them out. "I'm alright."
                          
"I just don't want Connor to expect that I am getting close to you again, no offense. You are a good friend, Roy. Connor would absolutely feel jealous straightaway without any questions. And with his ex in play... I just can't..."
                          
"I get you Dale, I really do." He whispered. There were some ringing and chattering on his background. "I just wished we were in different circumstances."
                          
I would be stupid enough if I didn't agree to what Roy had just said. If we were in different circumstances, I would have hanged out with him right now after telling him that I'm home alone. I would have him come over at this moment and we could have easily binge watch another webseries in one sitting. But we weren't. If Connor found out, he probably wouldn't think twice and get back with Jace.
                          
"I should get going now Dale. Maybe some other time?"
                          
"Wait!" I almost screamed, as if he was standing in front of me before he left. I had no time to reconsider but his offer sounded nice actually. "How about the carnival? I'm certain they'd be open until later."
                          
"Uh... sure. I'll pick you up after twenty minutes. I need to get my work done and I'll be right at?"
                          
"Oh yeah I'll text you the address of the apartment." Suddenly my mood shifted, after I hanged up. Still felt heavy knowing that Connor was not home and I started to feel like I'm losing confidence and getting all anxious with my surroundings.
                          
Please don't leave me Connor.