𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲

                                    

                                          
tw // implied suicide, knives/blades. there's a * at the start and end of where these triggers are written.

                          
vienna had been occupying herself with anything and everything. her mind would race a million miles a second if she wasn't doing something at any given time, whether it was fidgeting with the ring she was wearing or writing some form of poetry.
                          
this new flat was still strange to her. she wasn't necessarily uncomfortable in it, but she wasn't comfortable either. it was like going to a friend's house for the first time and it's awkward, but the feeling lasted longer because this was her home now. 
                          
she was pulled out of her thoughts by the vibration of her phone next to her. she paused the music and checked her notifications and the time before turning off her phone again.
                          
she got up and walked to the bathroom. after washing her hands she cupped them, letting them fill with water before splashing it onto her face. she looked up into the mirror that hung above the sink. 
                          
she wanted nothing more than to look away, to stop analyzing every flaw through the mirror, but she couldn't. her vision was getting blurred now, water forming in her eyes. blending with the water she had splashed on her face only seconds ago. 
                          
after a few more seconds of staring, she finally forced her eyes shut. softly sobbing into her hands. once she had composed herself, she splashed her face with water once more and walked into the kitchen.
                          
it'd been hours since she last had a drink of water and she was dehydrated. the moon perfectly beamed through the large glass window on the opposite end of the kitchen. her eyes followed the moon's path of light in the kitchen. 
                          
*it's beam directly shining on the drawer of knives. she slowly walked over, pulling the drawer open slower. she stood there, paralyzed almost, as she stared at the blades. the moon's light reflecting perfectly off of them. the only things racing through her mind were every reason to, and every reason not to. eventually, she closed the drawer.*
                          
she walked back to her room, making sure to close the door behind her. once sitting comfortably on her bed, she pulled out the journal from her signature drawer. forming the events of the last few minutes into some form of writing. something she could look back on and eventually no longer be afraid of. 
                          
*she stared at her reflection. the cold water dripping down from the contact seconds ago. it was nearly midnight and it was her first time out of bed in hours. she hadn't slept yet, but in that moment she wished she was deep in her sleep. as she continued to stare, tears forming in her eyes. she forced her eyes shut in an attempt to stop herself from staring any longer. she was unhappy with what she saw. with her appearance. she has been for months but in this very moment she realized it more than ever. she ran the cold water once more, splashing her face again. as she exited the bathroom, she entered the kitchen, originally, to grab a glass of cold water to fill her desperate lack of hydration. she walked closer to the drawer of knives, slowly opening it. the moon's light reflecting on their blades. it hit them almost perfectly. standing there, staring at the blades and thinking of every possible reason not to. and every reason to. the ratio was almost none to all. she hesitated, eventually closing the drawer. she was too afraid. she had every reason to end things, but she was simply too afraid.*
                          
and with that, she closed the journal and returned it to its home in her drawer. checking the time once more before deciding to doze off to a deep sleep.