langa has always struggled with socializing and expressing his emotions. truth was that he never actually wanted to speak to other people, so his inability to socialize never bothered him that much.
until he met reki.
that was the first time he fe...
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i pushed myself off the ground. i was spacing out again and fell, almost hitting a tree in the process.
dad would have laughed at me right now.
i barely got up on my feet before zoning out again.
i sat in the front row as i watched my father's once comforting figure laying there, lifeless, in a wooden casket. the memorial was held inside a small building with full grey walls and hardwood floors.
he wouldn't want this. he would prefer it being under a tree.
i stared at him again while i was listening to my mother's words. she was sitting on the tiny stage in front of the people sitting in plastic chairs, saying some words.
why does she even bother. he can't hear us now.
i knew my father wouldn't want this. he wouldn't want to see his wife cry while saying goodbye to him. that was if he could hear her. he probably couldn't.
it was my turn to get up on the stage. i didn't prepare a speech. it's not that i didn't respect my father or that i wasn't sad that he's dead, it's just that i knew i wouldn't be able to speak what i wanted to speak, so there really was no point in trying. my mother called my name and invited me next to her onto the improvised stage. i got up, dragging my whole body along the path through the plastic chairs.
people were staring at me. half of them weren't even that close to my father, so why did it matter what i had to say. i struggled to say any word after a few seconds of being on stage, but it felt like my vocal cords ripped and my mind blanked out. it really was pointless to try.
so, without saying anything, i walked back to my own chair, grabbed my belongings and exited the building.
a stream of tears made their way onto my cheeks after i took a fresh breath of air. i didn't know why i was even crying. was it because my father's death became suddenly so real? or because now that he's gone there's no point in even trying to speak and come through with my feelings for anything as i know that i am unable to? or was it maybe because i've suddenly became a lost cause?
beep. beep. beep.
oh. i've zoned out again.
beep. beep. beep.
"yes, mom?" i answered the phone that was tucked away in one of my pockets.
