Why is love this complicated
We should of been friends, we should of waited
But we can't go back on our past
Explain to me why we can't last
Is it too many scars to heal from
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I got too happy, I almost forgot what I was actually on my way to go do. To make myself get ready I played one of my favorite songs.
The beginning played out before my favorite came out and at this point I was just vibing.
Kung Fu Kenny now My resume is real enough for two millennium. A better way to make a wave, stop defendin' them I meditate and moderate all of my wins again I'm hangin' on the fence again I'm always on your mind I put my lyric and my lifeline on the line And ain't no limit when I might shine, might grind. You rollin' with it at the right time, right now (Only for the dollar sign)
"Bad girl riri now." I danced in my seat. "Swerve swerve swerve swerve leave it now." This part of the song just make me wanna...
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"On your pulse like it's EDM, Gas in the bitch like it's premium, Haul ass on a bitch all in the fast lane Been a bad bitch way before any cash came, I'm established, hundred carats on my name Run the atlas, I'm a natural, I'm alright." I rapped along stopping at the red light letting the song continue.
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When I arrived I just put my phone in my purse and my purse in my trunk. I know I can't bring anything in there and I'm not finna give my stuff to them just so they can put it in a container.
I walked in and did the lil process thing where I let them know who I'm here to see. I know how this works since I visited Avontae a couple of times in jail.
I waited at the table counting slowly in my head and balancing my breathing.
The loud doors opened causing me to look up while they walked him to the table. I feel like imma throw up.
"Hey Sabrea." He smiled. The fuck is he smiling for.
"Hey."
"I thought you'll never visit me let alone talk to me again." He said.
"I wasn't." I said. "I came here for me."
"I wish I could re do everything. That should've never happened, not a day goes by that I don't think about it." He said.
"Why?" I asked. "Was you even thinking about us and how that would make us feel. Do you know that it stills affect me today?" I asked.
"And it's the fact that you called me like we were just on the best of terms like you didn't kill my mother. The woman who birthed me and my sister. The woman that loved you unconditionally even though you treated her like shit." I said.
"I went through multiple episodes because of that, I can never get my mother back no matter what."
"I wasn't myself that day but doesn't mean that I won't own up to my actions. I'm deeply sorry for everything. I reacted selfishly and I apologize for that. I should've never did that." He looked at me as tears built up in his eyes.
"I beat myself up everyday thinking about it. Thinking about what I could've did differently to stop myself. I through the rest of my life away, missing out on everything because of my dumb decisions. I have to live with that guilt everyday and it's not a good feeling." He said and I started to sniff as tears went down my face.
"I have a daughter and my baby father is like you." I said and my voice cracked as he shook his head. "I used to get manipulated into thinking everything he did to me was my fault." I wiped my tears.
"I can't receive advice from my mother and that hurts me. I feel like I'm letting her down because I wasn't doing nothing but reflecting everything she did. You ever thought about us when you did what you did all those years?" I sniffed.
"You ever thought about how that made us feel?" I asked.
"I was young and dumb and I regret a lot of things- that's exactly what my baby's father say almost every time I forgive him." I laughed to myself.
"I'm sorry you're dealing with the same issues and I'm sorry that I set a bad example on how you should be treated. I failed you and your siblings as father." He said and I just kept crying.
This was getting hard for me because I get to ask the question that's been wondering in my head since that day I found out what happened.
"What were her last words?" I said and he put his head in his hands before looking at me again.
"After I shot her I held her as she bled out in my arms. She silently prayed asking God to protect you and sister and she prayed for as well." He said and I broke down.
"I forgive you." I finally said and tears rolled down his face again. "For a long a time I thought that if I ever talked to you again that I'll be betraying her, but to know that she did that and she forgives you as well changes my perspective." I said.
"I love you and I'm glad to see the person that you've become." He said.
"I love you too." I wiped my tears and stood up as I got ready to leave. I had to get the fuck out of there before I have a mental breakdown. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. ____________________________________
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Coming up Next on Iyanla Fix My Life👩🏽🦯... From the last chp I ain't mean yet in a bad way😭😭😭just saying he finna be a hand full.
Mane yall ain't never had porkchops for breakfast😧? To me that's like a good old fashioned breakfast meal. Had it when I was little only👩🏽🦼
