chapter four: until i am ready

                                    

                                          
Words Count: 745 
                          
—
                          
It had been two weeks since being officially engaged with the model and so you told your parents and sister meanwhile Kaia also told her family.
                          
Fortunately, they were really happy about it. At first, you were rather a bit concerned because you were assuming that maybe Kaia's family would be skeptical because the two of you were still so very young. But, luckily no, they were very supportive of the both of you. And so, life had been treating you pretty amazing for the past two weeks. 
                          
Kaia, on the other hand, had also been very very happy with the engagement. She had only told a few close friends and kept it to yours and hers circle. But, there was still one problem left. 
                          
She hadn't come out to the media. yet.
                          
"have you decided on your coming out?" you brushed your hand on the small of her bare back while she rested her head on your chest.
                          
"i don't know yet," she said, "mom said to just announce it on my social media platform but i don't know... i don't think that's the right way to do it,"
                          
you started playing with her hair and she sighed, "i think there is no right or wrong way to come out, whether it's on social media or interviews or whatever it is kai,"
                          
you continued, "hell, you don't even need to come out and give the world a fucking explanation kaia, it's your personal life."
                          
"yeah, i know." she spoke, "maybe deep down i know that i'm just not ready yet."
                          
you were silent. not because you were just sad, but also because you were confused.
                          
"then when?"
                          
she could feel it in her heart that your voice were almost cracking, that's why she looked up at you. she was so closed up to you as you caressed her faint freckles on her cheeks.
                          
"y/n, baby–"
                          
"don't you want to get married... with me?" you asked her because you were so confused and you could almost feel your heart breaking
                          
"baby of course... i just–" she started, "i just think that we should postpone it... for now."
                          
"until when?" you asked 
                          
"until i'm ready." she said as she was looking at you with her sad eyes. "please, y/n?" 
                          
you were searching for some kind of validation and hope in her eyes and it showed.
                          
"okay." as you kissed her forehead softly, "i'll wait for you until you're ready."
                          
"thank you so much," she pecked your lips, "i love you always." 
                          
"i love you too."
                          
and that was the moment that you knew, that it wasn't her family that you should had been worried about, but it was the fight against kaia and herself and you just prayed that it'd soon be over.
                          
—
                          
"so how are things with kaia?"
                          
the blonde girl, non other than your sister, asked you 
                          
To be completely honest, you hadn't been okay lately. It had been almost two months since your last conversation with kaia and she hadn't brought it up ever since.
                          
"fine, i guess," you shrugged tiredly, "she said she needs more time."
                          
the older girl patted your shoulder, "hey," trying to get your attention "y/n look at me..."
                          
you looked back at your sister.
                          
"just remember that she loves you, yeah?" 
                          
and you nodded.
                          
"yeah... it's just that," you chuckled sadly, "lately, it doesn't feel like she loves me as much as i love her, you know?"
                          
"i understand," the blue eyed nodded as she squeezed your shoulder, "but you also have to remember her position right now, y/n,"
                          
you knew what your sister meant. It must've been hard to be in a public eye and being looked at something so perfect, but then, being "gay" somewhat made you not "flawless" anymore. you were angry. not with yourself, but with the whole world. you were just so frustrated at the whole situation.
                          
"i just..." you sighed sadly, "i'm tired tay... i just don't know what to think and do anymore."
                          
"maybe you should talk to her, and tell her how you feel?" she asked but more like making a suggestion to you, "you shouldn't be sad like this all the time,"
                          
"yeah, i think i will talk to her."
                          
"okay, good." the older girl smiled at you, "don't worry y/n, everything's gonna be fine, i promise."
                          
"thank you taylor."
                          
"always, y/n."
                          
—
                          
a/n: sorry it's short 👁👄👁 it's a filler