• 28

                                    

                                          
I'm the house rep for my class. Woo! Also I'm so so so tired but I'm not going to forget about y'all. 
                          
Have fun x
                          
A
                          
After a very mediocre New Years celebration with a lot of wine, laughter and snowball fights Niall and I were finally ready to go back to LA. My dad was already sad over the fact that I had to leave but I promised him I'd be home soon. He made me swear on myself that I wouldn't lose all hope and that I'll continue to be the best I can at my job. 
                          
There was around two hours until I had to get in the car and leave Grasmere. I informed my dad that I'll be out on a walk and I'll be back home soon before leaving. Walking down the road I ran around as a child continued to be a source of heavy nostalgia for me. I reached the very familiar church and pushed the gate open. 
                          
My feet led me to the place I come only before I leave Grasmere. I stood at the foot of it, reading the words engraved on it. 
                          
Eliza Jamilah March
Loving wife and mother to three wonderful children 
You will be missed dearly
                          
I love you Lily 
until the day I die
                          
My glove covered hand knocked some of the snow off her grave. My heart felt heavy, reading the words I've read for 10, almost 11, whole years now. 
                          
"I miss you more than you know mama," I whispered, my eyes turning glassy with unshed tears. 
                          
"Don't worry. I'm not going to cry. At least I'll try not to," I chuckled, wiping away the tears. 
                          
"So much is happening mama. I hope you're watching me from up there. What a mess, my life. I wish you were here with me. Maybe you could've helped me, who knows," I said. 
                          
"Can't believe I've been without you for longer than I have been with you. I can't accept it. My heart doesn't want to," I continued. 
                          
"I just hope you'll give me the strength to, you know, get through this. I hope you're happy wherever you are mama. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life," I said, repeating her words back to her. 
                          
"Bye mama," I said, gently kissing the head of her gravestone. I entered the church and gave a quick prayer to keep my family healthy and have a safe flight back to LA before returning home. 
                          
"Talked to mama?" Vanna asked and I nodded. I hugged her and sighed heavily. 
                          
"Are we ready to leave?" Niall asked, entering the living room. "Oh."
                          
"Yeah of course. I bought my bag down earlier," I said. 
                          
"Okay Uh... Sorry," he apologised. 
                          
"Don't be," I chuckled. 
                          
After another round of goodbyes we finally made our way back to Blackpool. Our flight was in about four hours and we had just entered the airport. Zara started crying when we had to leave and she was seemingly sad about Niall leaving as well. The two of us promised we'd come back soon, even though I don't know how credible that statement is. 
                          
After the ever so long security process later we finally boarded the plane. I felt like crying every time I had to go back to LA. Just a whole bout of homesickness hits me when I return to LA after spending a good two and a half weeks at home.