six

                                    

                                          
the wreck
                          
the camerons and i finally got to the wreck. it was the same old place. the loud noises of silverware scratching plates and chatter about nonsense. it was definitely the same place. 
                          
this was the place i first talked to kie. she hated me at first, like john b. all because i was considered a kook. she was a kook herself, so it never made sense to me. 
                          
kie became my bestfriend when i was here. she became the person i could go to. i mean, the boys were too, but it was always easier with her because she was a female like myself. 
                          
she was my bestfriend, but now, i probably meant nothing to her. she probably made more friends, more girl friends. she probably doesn't even remember me. it's only been a year though, so if she really forgot about me, i would think she had alzheimer's or something. 
                          
i did miss kie. i missed the memories, the laughs, the fights. i missed her. i didn't know how she felt, but i knew how i felt. i wanted her as my bestfriend again, but i didn't know how she felt about that. maybe i would never know how she felt about anything that has happened. 
                          
kie was stood over by the counter. she was talking to three kids. they seemed to be wheezie's age. she seemed happy. she had a smile on her face. that smile could have been just coming out of her ass though seeing as she was working, but who knew. 
                          
she hadn't noticed me. not yet anyway. she was occupied with those kids, and i was okay with it. i didn't know if i could talk to her. tell her i'm sorry. tell her my fathers dead. i didn't know if she would hate me or call me names because i left so suddenly. i didn't know if she would bring up jj's name. i didn't know what would happen. 
                          
the camerons and i took a seat in a booth. the six of us fitting nicely in the booth. three on one side, three on the other. 
                          
we were considered a family. from the outside eye, we were a good family. happy, caring, rich. but from an inside eye, we were dysfunctional, we hated eachother, we were fucked up. some of us weren't even really apart of the family. the some of us was me. i wasn't supposed to be apart of the family, but i guess now i was. i'm officially part of the camerons. i live here, with them, in their home. i was a cameron.
                          
"so how long is she here for this time?" rafe started as he put his finger in my face. 
                          
"fuck you, rafe." i slapped his hand away, earning a glare from rose. 
                          
"rafe, be nice, she just got back." ward answered, "she is staying with us until she is able to move out on her own, which won't be for a while." 
                          
"she literally hangs around with pogues, why can't she just stay with big john or something? she would be better off there anyway." rafe scoffed at me. 
                          
"rafe that is enough. one more word out of you and you can leave." ward shut rafe down, not wanting any of it. 
                          
i just sat and watched it spill. rafe never like me. he may have in the beginning, when i was still considered a kook to him. but now he doesn't. he hates that i hung with people not so like him. hates that i'm back and he has to deal with me. 
                          
i hated rafe myself. he always thought so low of me. thought i was a burden. maybe he wasn't so wrong. i was a burden. i came here like i ruled the world. 
                          
"coop?" my attention was grabbed from a females voice. i knew who it was. the sound of their voice was low, worried almost. 
                          
i glanced up to see kie standing at our table. she had a small note pad in hand. she was wearing an apron which had seven pens sticking out of it. it also had a few straws poking out of the pockets. 
                          
i didn't say anything. i just looked at her, i didn't know what to say. especially not while i was seated in front of the camerons. 
                          
"you're back?" kie looked frustrated, "i thought-" 
                          
"we are having family dinner, right now is not the time." rose spoke up, not letting kie say another word. 
                          
kie nodded. she held her gaze on me, but i didn't look her way. i didn't want to look her in the face. i didn't want her to know anything. not my feelings, not what happened, nothing. i wanted to be alone. 
                          
"coop will have the chicken patty." rose caught me off guard. 
                          
"no," i glared at my mother, "i actually want the fish sandwich." 
                          
"okay." kie wrote it down on her note pad and walked away, first sending me a sad look. 
                          
we all sat there, small talking. rose had asked me what i did with my dad, but i just glared at her. now was not the time. 
                          
this, this felt awkward. it wasn't right. i shouldn't be sat here. i should be sat eating fish with my old friends. with my ex-boyfriend. i should be cracking jokes about the boys with big john and kie. i shouldn't be sat with the cameron family.
                          
but that was all i had. i didn't have john b, or kie, or pope. i didn't have big john or jj. i didn't have those relationships anymore. all i had was the camerons. all i had were people i'm supposed to call family.