23. Capricorn

                                    

                                          
The office had been left untouched since mine and Chris' last visit. It almost felt like a crime scene just being inside. 
                          
The red glow had been replaced by the familiar bright white fluorescent light and was somehow more unnerving than the red had been when we broke in. 
                          
Donut had been told to wait outside and had begrudgingly agreed, though it was clear he wasn't happy about it. 
                          
I didn't know what Mike had expected me to find, or what I was looking for. He hung around just inside the door, peeking glances at the files which lined the walls and swapping glances to the corridor. 
                          
It was almost more unnerving that he wasn't looking too. I was being supervised. 
                          
Mum's files were organised with her research. Projects that had been finished, ones in progress, and some that hadn't even been started yet before she died. 
                          
I never had the time to appreciate her space beforehand. On some days, we would work together. Other times, she would want to work alone and I would only watch as she became engrossed in her tasks. 
                          
It was her bookshelf I never took the time to appreciate. She loved her job and books of her inspirations lined the shelves. She'd always wanted more, to achieve more. She wanted to help as many people as she could. 
                          
Which is why I couldn't help but feel like nothing made sense. 
                          
On the third shelf, there was a book that didn't match the rest. It was a hardcover but it wasn't a book on medicines or infections like the rest. 
                          
It was a book on constellations.
                          
My fingers brushed the spine where shiny gold lettering embossed the dark blue cover. It was lighter than I expected as I pulled it from the rest. My eyes froze on the front as I hesitated to open it. 
                          
Capricorn's constellation was suspended in the middle. It was our star sign and identical to my tattoo. 
                          
From the outside, it appeared as any other book and nobody would be able to tell any different. As I lifted the cover to reveal the pages inside, they had been hollowed out and cut in a perfect square.
                          
"What's that?" Mike asked, looking at my hands.
                          
"I have no idea," I replied. 
                          
In the empty space sat a small black memory stick. We both looked at it with intrigue and fascination, neither of us knowing what information it held. I picked it up and twisted it around in my fingers. It was small and delicate but I feared what it contained was far more dangerous. There were only a few things my mum ever hid from me and still they only included my birthday and Christmas presents.
                          
I was more afraid of what I held in my hand than I had been driving through the gates at EDIN. 
                          
The computer chimed as I plugged the stick in. Only one file appeared in the window, a video file. Mum's face was displayed in the small preview. 
                          
"I don't know if I can watch this," I told Mike, not moving my stare from the screen. 
                          
"Don't you want to know what it is?" 
                          
"I mean yeah, but..."
                          
Mike moved to turn the lights down in the room for the full experience but the dull glow of the computer made the whole thing more unsettling. The screen flickered for a moment as I double-clicked the file and a woman appeared.
                          
It was her.
                          
It was mum.
                          
Her bloodshot eyes smiled but her lips were hidden behind a white mask which was hooked behind both of her ears.
                          
"Jackie," Mike said, failing to hide his excitement. He couldn't have even tried to hide his thrill at being right. 
                          
"So," she began. "Either somebody really likes to go through my office while I'm not there... Or, it's actually you Ben like I hope it is."
                          
My eyes began to cloud and I crumbled into the seat behind me as Mike stood, hastily putting on his glasses.
                          
"Sorry about the secrecy but I had to be sure the right person would find it... All the people here, they won't understand it like you will. You have a way of understanding, of putting things together like no one else does."
                          
She glanced behind her before looking back at the camera. She seemed scared, nervous even.
                          
"If you're watching this, I can only assume that I am dead and the worst has happened... I can only imagine what you think of me right now."
                          
Her eyes were swimming with guilt and I only wished she could be there telling me herself. It had been so long since I'd last seen her and I felt a deep pit open in my stomach. I'd do anything to have her back, anything to take back those final moments. 
                          
"Naxor would've killed the population. Absolute extinction. That's what the predictions were, that's what we were looking at and what they refused to release to the public... It's what I didn't tell you either."
                          
She exhaled a deep sigh and pulled down her mask.
                          
"I had to do something... So, I did."
                          
She scratched at her neck and looked down at the desk in front of her, the same desk I now sat at. 
                          
"I know what JCR-23 is going to do and it's not going to be easy. It's been agreed by the team that this is the best course of action while we work on creating a vaccine... There were only two choices here; let the population die or put it on hold until we can fix it. People will change and develop other symptoms but it's the only way."
                          
Mike's hands twitched on the chair behind my head as he gripped it tighter. Mum shook her head and tightened her ponytail before resting her hands back on the desk. She was thinking of the next thing to say, the right thing to say. 
                          
"I can only imagine that this is going to get worse before it gets any better and for that, I am truly sorry... I'm sorry for all the responsibility I've put on you, Ben, and for all the things you've lost because of me. But I know you're the only one who will understand... You're the first test, the first patient, and if my research is right, you'll be the cure for this. Only you." 
                          
Her face was paler and there was only little colour that returned to her skin as she spoke. She looked just like she did in the few days prior to her death. 
                          
"You know this already but I've got Naxor," she admitted. "Luckily, it's only early stages and I can carry on working... But soon, I'll be given the mandatory dose of JCR-23 which I already gave you. If I can hold on through it, I can work on the vaccine. I can fix this. I know I can. If I'm right, it's you that will be the reason all of this ends."
                          
She sniffed and the screen's reflection could be seen in her eyes as they began to water.
                          
"You trust me, Ben," her voice cracked. "You believe that I can fix this and I really hope I can but if you're watching this... I know I've failed. Maybe you've come looking for this for some hope, or some answers. I'd like to think I've given you something, at least. But please just know how proud I am of you; how proud I've always been... I'm sorry I haven't always been there when you needed me or if you ever felt like my work took priority over you. You're my greatest joy and you always will be... 
                          
"Look to the stars, Ben. Always look to the stars."
                          
There was a knock at the door to her office and her eyes widened before she wiped the tears away.
                          
"That's my cue to go," she said.
                          
Her body shifted and behind her, through the window, I could see it was me standing outside the door in a lab coat. As the door opened, her hand reached towards the keyboard and the feed shut to black.