Chapter Nine

                                    

                                          
Jason's Point of View: 
                          
I cracked my eyes open feeling heavily drained. I don't remember anything from the past few hours. I sit up and see Chester sitting across from me. His clothes looked roughly put on and he had bruises all over his neck that seemed to lead down his body.
                          
"Chaz?" I said unevenly. He stiffened and started to quickly tap his finger against his leg. "Chaz... What happened?" 
                          
His movements stopped.
                          
"You don't know?" He finally asked in a quiet voice. I shook my head, my heart seeming to race. "Me either." 
                          
"What's the last thing you remember?" I asked him and he let out a shaky breath.
                          
"Whipping the tears away from my eyes." He replied and I looked at the bruises again. I didn't do that, did I?
______
"Chaz, I think you had enough." I chuckled as Chester snorted another line of cocaine. He giggled in return and laid down on the floor of the van. 
                          
"I want you to fuck me." He suddenly growled and I looked at him oddly, a bottle of alcohol in hand. "Please, just fuck the shit out of me." 
                          
"Chaz, no. You just want to get back at Mike or something and I don't want to hurt you or anything." I excused myself from his words and took a long swig from the bottle.
_______
That was all I could remember. Everything else was dark, as though the rest of the day was roughly cut off.
                          
"Chaz, look. I would never intentionally hurt you. Just because I was out of my mind doesn't make it okay but I'm telling you, I wouldn't want to hurt you." I tried to explain myself. He ran a hand across his neck, around the bruises. He flinched at his own touch.
                          
"Jason..." He trailed off, clearly not knowing what to say. I got out from under the blanket, only wearing a pair of boxers. I grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes.
                          
"Chester, I promise you this will never happen again. Next time we want to get away from life, one of us will stay sober. Okay? This won't happen again. It shouldn't have happened in the first place." I said quietly and he only nodded his head. His eyes spoke for him although. They showed how scared of me he really was and that he won't trust me. 
                          
"Jason, I don't know what to say. I don't remember it happening. I'm scared." He confessed and I let go of his hands and ran a gentle one down his arm.
                          
"It's okay, I get that. I'm so sorry. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to. I never meant to hurt you, especially like this. If you don't want to stay with me, I completely understand. I want you to be and feel safe." 
                          
"It... I'll..." He couldn't make up his mind on what he wanted to do. "Look, Jason. I understand you didn't mean it and I believe it but I can't forgive or trust you. I can't go back home either." 
                          
"You still don't think you'll feel better with Mike than with me?" 
                          
"I'll admit I'd feel better with him but honestly, what he did hurt more than... This. I love him, Jason. I love him so much. I can't stand the thought of him not loving me either or deciding I'm not what he wants." He said, the expression on his face breaking my heart. What I apparently did was the worst thing anyone could ever do and yet here he is, caring more about what Mike did and not what I had done.
                          
"Chaz, cheating on someone is a horrible thing but it's better than raping someone. You need to forgive him." I told him gently and he instantly shook his head.
                          
"No. I can't forgive him for this. At least you're sorry and know what you did was wrong." He reasoned to himself before opening the back door of the van and sliding out. He straightened out his clothes before looking back at me. "I need to go for a walk. I'll be back in a while I guess."
                          
"Okay..." I trailed off, not really wanting him to leave. My phone began buzzing in my pocket but I ignored it as I watched Chester walk off.
                          
After he was out of sight, I sat on the edge of the door, my feet touching the ground. I put my elbows on my knees and buried my face into my hands, allowing tears to pool into them.
                          
I didn't mean to hurt him. I was too far gone out of my head. This will haunt me for the rest of my life. I'm already trying to deal with what I've done in the past and now I have another mistake to add to my list. 
                          
All of the guilt I feel has been eating me alive since I realized how horrible the things I did really are. When he was gone, I felt empty and horrible. I thought getting back at him again would help me so I sent my friend on him. When I was prison, I realized everything. It was hard for me to comprehend. I've been hurting inside since and I've developed a horrible drug and alcohol addiction to try and deal with the past.
                          
When I was younger, my dad's friends came over and one took a huge liking to me. We grew very close and I considered him as an uncle or even a second father. He was really nice to me and gave me gifts and treated me perfectly. He made me food, bought me whatever I wanted, and took me exploring. But after a while, he just slowly began to turn.
                          
He started acting, as I know now, very inappropriately towards me. He started touching me and saying very strange things. One day, he took it all the way with me and I instantly went to my parents. He was thrown in jail and I was safe but it didn't stop the memories.
                          
It's what got me to hurt Chester. It triggered something inside me and I ran into him some years later and copied my dad's friends actions onto him. I don't know where my dad's friend is but I'm sure he's out of prison by now.
                          
I picked my phone back up and saw there was a voicemail. I decided to listen to it and held it against my ear.
                          
"Hey, it's Mike." I instantly froze at the voice of Chester's once lover. "Uh... Phoenix gave me the number and I decided to call, he didn't want me to so don't be mad at him. But anyway... I love you, Chester. And I'll do anything I possibly can to make it up to you. I made a huge mistake and I never should've done anything stupid like that. I can't live without you. I did the worst thing I ever could do and I hurt you so horribly. So I'm sorry. Please come back home, I promise I'll make it up to you. Again, I love and miss you... Bye."