19 | ﴾ Like A Curse ﴿

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Outside of the Manor, a third consecutive day of rain was pattering down against my new windows. The brightness of the room in tandem with the crackling fireplace was so perfectly mood setting in comparison to Draco's dark room. With the sunrise came an entirely new perspective into our relationship, both past and present.

I laid on my back and twirled my silky golden locks around in my fingers. He'd matched me on the carpet but his arms were crossed behind his head. He seemed anxious even after we'd taken multiple scorching shots of the gin. I was now feeling rosy and relaxed and my knees pointed towards him as I looked up at his face. He was staring at the ceiling, silent and pensive.

"So, 'ow many memories do you 'ave of us right now?" My voice was tiny as I approached him delicately. His bright aquamarine eyes slid down to me.

"All of them, today," He looked back at the ceiling as though bored, "Sometimes I watch all of them, and then erase everything within a few days. I keep what I can handle, sometimes just the structure of the memory and simply erase the emotional attachment. That's a risk though."

I rolled my head on the carpet as the sky turned into a perfect rainbow blend with the rising of the sun. My room was radiant and inviting; he couldn't have done a better job. It reminded me of my room back at home in France.

I chose my words thoughtfully, "So every day, you could 'ave any combination of memories and emotions? Et es different every time you obliviate?"

He nodded and my eyes watched the movement of his sharp jawline as he ground his teeth, "It's impossible to do it the same way every time. Sometimes, when you really piss me off I wipe out quite a lot. That's when I end up coming back without much care for you and make you cry. It's hard to keep a consistent personality around you, when memories and emotions literally define our personality."

I couldn't imagine what it would be like, to have to obliviate oneself over and over. It would be akin to having dementia. Then to watch and remember them all again would be crushing, especially if you'd strayed far from your personality while walking around freshly obliviated. What a tragic cycle; part of me wondered why he even bothered keeping it up. Why not just let the memories go? It would be far less torturous.

My thoughts digressed; it made sense that he would want to hold onto who he was before. It was his only power over his life.

It was all clicking into place. I would no longer wonder why sometimes he was affectionate while others he was rough or detached. He wasn't trying to be manipulative, he was just returning as a different version of himself every time he had to erase his mind, leaving behind the parts of him that were capable of villainy.

"Does it scare you?" I asked as I rolled over and bent my arm across his chest, resting my chin on it. He stared at me through hooded eyes.

"Yes it scares me. Of course. Wouldn't it scare you?" He asked. There were notes of loneliness in his expression.

I nodded, slightly frowning. The space between us felt weighty and depressive, so I tugged at the white cord of his sweater for distraction. He slapped my hand away looking annoyed, "I don't like it when they're uneven." He was referring to the two strings at the front which drew up the hood. I watched in amusement as he held them both up in front of his face and ensured they were identical in length before letting them drop again.

The devil in me reacted instinctively and I yanked one of the cords as hard as possible, causing the hood the bunch up in a thick pile behind his neck. His eyebrows scrunched together in aggravation and I giggled childishly.

"Oh yeah, terribly funny," He sneered, sitting up and pushing me off, "So predictable. You're a complete menace." He ripped at the hood to rebalance the way it held, and I leaned forward and pulled it right over his head while laughing hysterically.

𝒪𝒷𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 | 𝒟.𝑀.Where stories live. Discover now