9

                                    

                                          

"Sick, I'm so sick...lovesick."

                            

                                
                            
                              
                                  
                              
                              
                                
                                  
                                  
                                
                              
                             
                            
                            
                          
                          
Penelope
IF OFFERED the chance to leave the maze today, on the one condition that I won't remember anything from the maze, or any of the people I've met, I think I would have to deny it. Sure, the only thing that keeps us all going in the glade is the motivation to get out, but I have found a home of sorts here in the form of random teenage boys and working in a makeshift medical shack. 
At first, the hiraeth I felt was eating at me, and I was letting the thought of a home I didn't remember consume me, a homesickness for a place I couldn't yet recall, only a mere blur of a face and the name. Aris. Being in the glade, however, getting to know the people I have, I don't think I'd change a thing if I were sent here again, or given a chance at a normal life. It was Gally who helped me with these thoughts originally, when I was stuck in crying constantly and wanting to leave, he helped teach me that this is home, and there is nowhere out there for us.
If there's a home out there waiting for me, I fear I may have left it too long, the chance expired for someone like me, someone like us. 
I wake up uncomfortably, resting with Newt to the sound of the birds chirping even though it feels far too early, most likely around 6AM. All I want to do is move. It's too hot, I'm stuck under a fur blanket and the heat next to me feels suffocating. I budge against it, and turn my head to see it's Newt that I'm pressed up against.
I barely remember crawling into bed with him last night, but here we are. He has his arm wrapped around my waist and I'm pulled into his chest with my head buried in his neck. It feels so conflicting that I'm wondering if I've hugged him like this before, it feels all too familiar. Maybe it's just a glader thing, though, so he must think I'm a really good friend- I wonder if all the gladers cuddle like this. I bet Alby and Gally cuddle at night, and Gally probably wears a little nightdress too. Cute.
No...that can't be right, but if that's not right, it means that maybe Newt likes me just a little bit, a little bit in the way that I like him.
Oh. Oh.
I shimmy my way out of the messed up bed and make my way to our shared shower block, suddenly glad that I've woken up early as I don't want to face any of the other gladers while getting ready for the day. I feel oddly at peace as I scrub away any dirt and unwanted fragrances from my body, letting the freezing cold water cascade down my body in light droplets due to the bad water pressure from our make-shift showers. 
I let my mind drift in and out of my thoughts, weighing up what could've led to the two of us waking up in one another's arms. Every time I think of last night, I think of how much I've wanted it to happen for so long, to have just a tiny hint that he feels the same way, but it doesn't feel all that I pictured it to be, and it's because I can't shake the feeling of the new boy's eyes on me.