thirty nine

                                    

                                          
|michael|
                          
when i woke up the next morning, after stretching and rubbing the sleep from my eyes, the first thing i did was turn my phone on, in hopes of a notification from zee. instead, "no new notifications" showed on my screen, causing me to frown and set my phone back beside me.
                          
she'd promised she'd call.
                          
should i call her? maybe she'd forgotten.
                          
i debated with myself on what to do. i wanted to hear her voice, but i also knew zee likely wanted her space with the unresolved dispute about oxycodone still sitting between us. but it was so unlike her to not call after saying she would.
                          
i should just call her.
                          
no, no. i don't wanna seem clingy.
                          
i was overthinking my actions far too much, but i just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay with her without seeming clingy.

                          
i eventually decided i couldn't help myself, and ultimately decided on calling her. it was late in the morning, and i was sure zee would be awake by then.
                          
the phone rang four or five times before she finally picked up.
                          
"michael clifford!"
                          
that wasn't zee.
                          
i knew exactly who that was.
                          
"why the hell do you have her phone?!" i shot upright in bed, my heart pounding out of my chest at the voice i was far too familiar with at this point. all the sleepiness left in me was gone now. if he had done anything to my girl, i was not going to hesitate to murder him with my bare hands.
                          
"oh, i just stopped by to visit her yesterday," he sneered. i could hear his goddamned smirk through the phone.
                          
"where is she? marcus, i swear to god-" i stood from my place, not bothering to get ready or even put on shoes before hurrying down the hallway to luke's room. i could hear the other boys inside already, and i wasted no time pounding on the surface of the door.
                          
my mind was racing, and i felt like i was going to have a panic attack as i waited for luke to answe the door and marcus to continue speaking.
                          
"she's fine," he laughed, "she needs you to come to pick her up, though."
                          
luke opened the doors, immediately widening his eyes at my alarmed state. he was already dressed, even though the concert wasn't for another seven or eight hours. i let myself in, slamming the door shut behind me and walking to the center of the room. i threw my phone onto the coffee table, whispering "he has zoey," to the boys before pressing the speaker icon.
                          
"where is she, marcus?" i snapped, pacing back and forth. my fingertips were pulling at my hair as the other boys listened in. i felt sick to my stomach with nausea at the thought of him touching her at all.
                          
"at my place," he said, "and you know females always have a good time at my place, mikey."
                          
"if you lay a fucking finger on her, i will-"
                          
three beeping sounds indicated the end of the call, and my rage multiplied tenfold. the boys were all staring at me, stunned. my chest was heaving up and down as i stared back at the three boys. i'd never felt so angry and so fucking terrified at the same time- it felt like i was gonna explode.
                          
"we have to cancel the tour. i'm leaving right now, tell management to handle my shit." i picked my phone up from the coffee table, tucking it into my pocket as i turned for the door.
                          
"michael-" luke started.
                          
i quickly turned to face him, fury evident on my face as he was slowing me down. "no. you aren't gonna calm me down, luke. don't even fucking try. he has her. i'm leaving right. fucking. now."
                          
"michael, we have to think this through." ashton stood up, grabbing my arm, stopping me once again.
                          
i wasn't in the right mental state to hear the boys try and talk me down. my entire world was spiraling around me as my mind raced with thoughts of zee and marcus and how badly i wanted to strangle the man.
                          
"he's gonna kill her, ash." i was close to a panic attack, and i knew they could all sense it. my heart was racing and it was becoming more and more difficult to breathe.
                          
"he's right, we need to go." calum agreed, standing from his place. even calum seemed tense, and he was almost always calm no matter the situation.
                          
luke was on his phone for a few moments before looking up to the rest of us. "i just ordered a rental here, i'll drive us," he sighed, running his hand through his hair.
                          
"i'll talk to management on the way, get everything settled. let's go," ashton said, grabbing his jacket and heading towards the door. i followed quickly, stopping in my room to grab my jacket and shoes. i didn't have time to change from my sweats, but i grabbed a pair of black jeans from the top of my bag to change into on the way to los angeles.
                          
if marcus had harmed a hair on her head, i was gonna go absolutely ballistic.
                          
luke was driving at least thirty miles per hour over the speed limit the entire way, but it still didn't feel fast enough. i was losing it entirely- my nerves were getting the best of me as i sat in the passenger's seat. my leg was bouncing up and down and the nail beds on a few of my fingers were bleeding from how much i'd chewed them. it was nearing one in the afternoon, and it felt like every second we were in this car i was falling further off the deep end.
                          
luke finally pulled into his driveway after another hour or so on the road.
                          
"what the fuck are you doing? we have to go to marcus's!" i raised my voice at the blond, ready to get out of the car and sprint there myself.
                          
"michael, we can't just go over there without a plan. we don't know what marcus has up his sleeve," ashton spoke from the back seat, dropping one of his hands on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down.
                          
"i'm not leaving her over there! who fucking knows what he's doing to her!" i shouted, swinging the car door open and stepping out.
                          
calum, who was sitting behind me, was quick to follow, watching me to be sure i didn't take off running. i almost did take off running.
                          
"we're gonna go inside, and figure this out, okay?" luke said, stepping out from the drivers' seat. ashton stepped out as well.
                          
"fuck you guys!" i yelled, slamming the door of the rental car and angrily walking up to luke's front door. only then did i realize i had to wait for him to unlock it. i paced back and forth as luke jogged to the front door, fumbling with his keys as he did so.
                          
i didn't sit down once we all made it inside; i stayed standing, pacing back and forth in front of the couch now with my hand pulled up to my mouth. i was so angry at myself and at marcus and, in the moment, especially at luke hemmings.

                          
i was such a fucking idiot for agreeing to send her home early. we didn't have that much longer on tour. i could have kept her safe for a few more weeks. i didn't like the plan the moment luke told me about it, but he'd convinced me. i should have put my foot down.
                          
it was my fault that zee was in marcus' hands, and knowing that made me want to scream and cry. i could have prevented this, and i didn't, and now zee was in danger.
                          
"alright, let's figure this out," luke sat down, and calum and ashton followed suit.
                          
i stayed standing, pacing back and forth still. i felt nauseous and like i couldn't breathe, and it was making the room spin around me as i waited for someone, anyone, to wake me up from the nightmare i was in.
                          
i just wanted my baby here with me.
                          
i just wanted her to be okay.
                          
|edited 03/07/2021|