19. That date part 2 (Suga pov)

                                    

                                          
a/n: guys...we're finally here 😭😭  i honestly cant believe my story has made it to this point and omg it has, thank you to everyone who reads and helped me write so much! so yes, this is suga's backstory, i just wanna say im so sorry if i offend anyone bc someone has actually been through one of these things and I wrote it wrong? thats not my intention, let me know if i do tho and ill fix it. and yes as i mentioned last chapter, this is suga's pov first, ill probably go back to oikawa after. and yes, i went waaaaayyyyyy overkill with the trauma, but lets be honest, you knew what you were signing up for when you read the summary. ok so here it is i hope its okay!! (also i dont own the coverart, i wanted to use it bc its like the only sad oisuga one ive seen, and i dont wanna make them sad again so i thought id use it while i have the chance)
                          
"It's...it's kind of a long story..." I began, a bit uncertainly. Come on Suga, you can do this, think of all the research you did! I tried to convince myself.
                          
   "Oh?" Oikawa asked curiously, raising an eyebrow, waiting patiently for me to explain while I desperately tried to find the words I was looking for. I knew what I needed to say, in theory, I just needed to figure out how to best transition to that point.
                          
   I inhaled deeply. "Actually Oikawa, I..." I paused, glancing over to my boyfriend. He was sitting, turned towards me, his head facing me, his eyes large and examining every inch of my face, not unkindly, just...curious and maybe a bit concerned I think. Above all else though, he looked at me like I meant something to him, like I was worth something, everything, like nothing else mattered, and I just, I–
                          
   Something clicked in me at that moment. "Oikawa. I really like you. And, this, us, what we have. You've been so amazing this past month–this isn't a breakup speech by the way!–and, I'm not entirely sure why if I'm being honest, but you really like me too." This brought me to the next, more important part of what I had to say, which made me really nervous, but I pressed forward.
                          
   "I haven't...I've never really been close to anyone, let them in–er, not for a long time anyway. And, you put so much effort into us, like how you text me every day and tell me every little thing you can possibly think of, but you also ask me about my day down to the smallest details, or how when you're trying to explain a volleyball thing like an aspect of setting and I don't get it so you have to repeat it four or five times, you don't care, you just...you're so nice to me, and good to me and..." Alright, I got that out of the way, now it brought me to the last, most important thing.
                          
   "I want to start putting in the same effort you do. Not that I haven't been trying too! It's just, I haven't been able to fully–it's really complicated–but, I want to explain it to you, if that's okay. I just, you deserve one. An explanation. So please, please just, listen to me for a while, okay?"
                          
   Oh my god, I did it. Well, not really, I hadn't actually started explaining anything yet, but just getting to that point was plenty hard. I scanned Oikawa's face, looking for any sign of fear or disgust or annoyance, but was only met with encouragement (and a bit of confusion).
                          
   "Of course Suga-chan." He responded. He readjusted to a more comfortable position and brought more pillows and blankets to him. I realized he was expecting to be there for some time, and looked down and smiled as I also realized he wanted to hear me, to listen to me. He could be a surprisingly good listener, despite what his personality would otherwise suggest.
                          
   "Er, Suga-chan?" He then asked, looking just as unsure as he had initially. "I–um, before you start, I was just wondering, does this by any chance have anything to do with why...why you don't, um, like–like touching?" Oikawa had barely managed to stutter his question out and looked as nervous as I felt by the end.