24. the 4 f's

                                    

                                          
tw: gun violence
i don't pay attention to the world ending. 
it has ended for me many times and began again in the morning. 
~ nayyirah waheed 

Jade and Alex had had arguments before. Every couple bickers now and again. Who forgot to put the milk away again, who takes too long in the shower; little things that you argue about for five minutes and don't mean anything in the long run. 
There are those kinds of disagreements and then there are the full-blown fights that involve screaming and slamming doors. Those tend to be a little more serious. 
Jade and Alex were experiencing their very first fight. One of the real arguments. 
It had sort of started on the car ride home. Alex was quiet, not saying much of anything and giving one-word answers if possible when she asked questions. She figured he just had a bad day. 
But when they got to her apartment and he had slammed the bathroom door a little harder than necessary and blatantly ignored her when she talked did she think his attitude was more directed at her than it was just the result of a bad day. 
"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?" Alex asked, tilting his head at her when she asked what's wrong. 
"Find what out?" She asked after a pause. 
"That you paid for Aaron's surgery," he leaned forward over the island that was separating them. 
Jade's hands had been gripped around the edge of the island, leaning into her hip and putting all her weight on her right side. She pressed her lips together when he said it, her eyes moving from him to the marble beneath her.  
"I was just trying to help. How did you even find out?" she shook her head. 
"Does it matter? I told you you didn't need to do that," he pushed, trying to keep his voice steady as the edge of his hand hit against the countertop. 
"There wasn't enough money in the pro bono budget. All I did was make a donation," she tried to justify her actions, her shoulder shrugging. 
"I don't need your charity, Jade," Alex argued. 
She rolled her eyes. "It wasn't charity, Alex." 
"Then what was it?" 
"What do you think it was?" She raised her voice slightly. "Your brother needed surgery, were we just gonna let him walk out without getting it just because he couldn't afford it?" 
"I  would've figured it out," he insisted, matching her volume. 
"How?" she asked simply. 
"I don't know!" He shouted. 
She raised her eyebrows in a quick motion, crossing her arms across her chest. 
"You'll never get it," he spoke bitterly, shaking his head and turning away from her. 
She had a sense of what he was talking about but decided to bait him anyway. "What won't I get?"
"What it's like to be poor," he emphasized. "What it's like to steal food to survive and work your ass off to get out of your shitty town," he vented. 
She blinked a few times, leaning against the counter with her arms still crossed and she chose not to take this any further. 
"What I did was not out of pity, Alex," she tried to explain. "I know I'll never know what it's like to have nothing but I wasn't trying to flaunt if that's what you think. I was simply trying to help. If you're mad because I didn't tell you, then fine, I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry for doing it."