Kiss Me

                                    

                                          
(Mal's POV)
                          
"Jay!" I yell to  catch the boy's attention. I'm pacing down the school grounds in a peaceful Sunday, headed towards  the tourney field, with the tangle of my thoughts urging me for every step. Jay, coaching a weekend-practice, turns around on the spot, and I must look quite  out of control, since he stares at me with a funny face of slight worry and confusion.  Well, let's say just the whole of  yesterday wasn't exactly the best for me. No wonder my legs don't carry as well as usually. 

                          
"Come!" my voice pierces the cool air again. "Jay come here!" Jay shoots me a look, then turns to the team, and they go back to dodging and throwing as he starts to jog towards me. I grin and head for a tree in something of a distance from the field; I need Jay's, and Jay's only, help and do not want eavesdroppers. Because this is going to be personal. Took me a fair amount of time to gather the courage to even tell Jay. But I did in the end, because I know he'll be able to listen to me rant about my usually non-existent feelings, and try to figure out a way to help me, even though neither of us is a specialist in the department.

                          
I settle down against the tree's trunk and rest my head back. The soft warmth of the sun washes over me and smoothens out some of the rough edges. One delight of sneaking out. My mind is trying to rewind the speech I had worked out for explaining the situation, only to find out three quatrers are already forgotten. And the rest get ditched into the trash bin as Jay sits down next to me on the soft grass. He, too, lets his body inhale some of the gentle sunlight before speaking. "So, what up?" he says, turning to me. I let out a small chuckle and smile, then look down at my hands fiddling with my bracelet. Like Evie's ones were with her dress. Just be real. Yeah, just be honest. It worked out so well the first time.
                          
I clear my throath a little to let Jay know whatever I'm going to say is serious. He sits up a little more, listening. "So. . ." I start. God damn it, don't make this so complicated. "I, uh, need to tell you something because I need your help, okay?" He looks at me for a moment, clearly trying to decide if I'm okay, and then says reassuringly, "I'm all ears." Scartching the back of my neck with my right hand, I let my eyes wonder away from his, and go ahead. "Okay, so. . .I'm in love with Evie." 

                          
In the second I couldn't be more thankful for the departement of my brain that prevents my hand from slapping on my mouth. I surely didn't mean this to be that straight forward. But, unlike me, Jay stays chill. No eyebrow raised. No mouth opened. No eyes widened. All this, with my own picture of the moment being difficult, leads me off to confusion. "Aren't you surprised?" I blurt out and ogle at the guy. "No, not really," Jay smiles. No respond comes out of me, so he continues. "Mal, I know I might not seem like the guy to know anything about this, but I do recognize love when I see it. I really think I do. And in the way you look at Evie, you know, hold your gaze, and then crack a little, hidden smile, I've always seen it. It's been there for longer, hasn't it?" I nod my head slowly, my words numbed by surprise. How could he see it so clearly, when even I didn't? Was Jay always this smart?

                          
"Jay, I love her. I really love her," I trail off and let down my guard, relaxing again, closing my eyes. "Tell me about it," Jay chuckles. I don't even have time to think before unplanned, genuine words escape my mouth: 

                          
"It's a different kind of love. Not like my love with Ben, whom I loved because it was the best for us, because I thought it was meant like that, because he loved me. It was like he lit a candle inside me, you know. Small and sweet, exciting, but not everlasting. With Evie, it's different. Evie has been painting stars on my sky from the very beggining. I guess I got familiar with the feeling of happiness she brings me by doing even the simplest things, because she's my best friend. I thought it was a normal feeling, something all the best friends had. But after the small flame Ben had lit in me flickered away, I started to notice how exeptional my relationship with Evie is. She really is the only one I would ever let climb into my bed to sleep together, the only one that knows me inside out, the only one I let see myself at the lowest, the only one I'd give up my life for. I realized all this, and Ben felt unexisting. I don't care about him deep inside. It is Evie that I need. Evie that I actually love. The same Evie who has stuck beside me for all these years. I knew she's imortant to me, but now I see I'm completely dependent of her. She has shown me the love that keeps me going, and never asked for anything in exchange. I have given her love too, of course, but not all that she deserves. And I need to change that. I need to change that right now."