Buried Feelings

                                    

                                          

Tw: If you feel sensitive about divorced parents or suicide I wouldn't recommend to read this chapter. Do yourself a favor and don't read it if you don't feel ok about those themes ;) 
                          
El POV:
                          
I still can't believe I actually told Max how I feel about her. It felt literally so good to tell her that I'm in love with her and I'm glad that she also loves me. We went to bed and eventually fell asleep while I held Max's body close to mine. Max fell asleep really fast and I drifted off to sleep soon enough.
Suddenly I was woken up by some loud noises and movements near me, it was Max. I wasn't sure, if she was asleep, so I called her name but she didn't respond. I guess she's having one of those nightmares again. These bad dreams won't leave her alone and she still refuses to tell me what they're about.
The redhead was trashing around in the bed while she said something but I couldn't make out what she was saying except for one word; stop. I leaned forwards and grabbed both of her arms, careful to not hurt her in any ways which was pretty hard due to the fact that she was still covered in cuts and bruises from Brenner and Neil. I pulled Max close to me and wrapped my arms around her shaking body.
                          
"Please. Please Stop" she whispered in a low but broken voice.
                          
"Hey Max, can you hear me? This is not real, ok? Everything will be okay, you're just dreaming. Please wake up. I begged the redhead to wake up from her nightmare desperately.
                          
"I said stop!" Max screamed all of the sudden as she gasped awake. Pure terror filled her watering eyes that were lit up by the light of the moon. She stared right into my eyes, not breaking the eye contact until I pulled her in a hug. I felt her sobbing into my shoulder, but I didn't mind. I wanted to comfort her and be there for her. That was all that mattered in that moment. I rubbed her back in small circles as she cried silently into my shoulder. When we broke apart she looked back into my eyes again.
                          
"Max im right here okay? You don't have to tell me what that nightmare was about, but if you want to, I'm always there for you. Just that you know, alright?"
                          
"Thank you El" she said as she smiled at me "I think i'm ready to talk about it now. These nightmares are sometimes like flashbacks to my time in the lab or some other traumatic experience like the divorce of my parents. In the lab Brenner was searching for my breaking point, torturing me. And one day he found my breaking point. It's you El, you're my breaking point. After he found out that it's you, he stopped to torture me physically. But it got worse than that, he started to mentally abuse me. He told me every little thing that he did to you and what he wants to do, if he would ever get you back. He then let me alone for so long, alone with my thoughts. It was one of the most painful things that I ever experienced. I thought a lot about my life and it hurt so bad. I thought back to my time in California with my dad and my mom, we were so happy until my dad cheated on her. My mom left the house, saying that she would get drunk in a bar and the crash her car in an tree. How could she say such a thing to me? I was like 10 years old and my mom told me that she wants to commit suicide which was not the first time by the way. My dad left to find her and so I was alone, sitting on the stairs. I don't know how much time passed, but it felt like forever and being locked in that room remembered me about that a lot. I just want to know why my dad cheated on my mom back then. I mean weren't her and I  good enough for him? Did I do something wrong? His job was to stay, but he failed and from that moment everything went downhill. Well you know the rest of the story. And these dreams make me feel worse again. I've always tried to push these thoughts away but I can't stand it anymore. I don't know if I could do this any longer if I wouldn't have you by my side. You are the one person that I can open up to, that gives me this feeling of being save the feeling of love. " she ended
                          
" Thank you for telling me about all of that. I means the world to me that I am the person that you trust and that you feel save around. I'm also so sorry for everything that happened. I know that I can't fix any of those problems, no one can, but maybe this wil make you feel a bit better" I said as is passionately pressed my lips against hers. Max immediately kissed me back and chuckled against my lips after a while.
                          
"Well yes that actually helped a lot. And thank you for listening to me, you have no idea how much I needed to let this all out. I feel a bit better now thanks to you" she smiled and layed back down, still facing me. I also layed down and pushed a loose part of her hair behind her ear. When I pulled my hand back from her cheek the redhead was already asleep but the smile was still on her beautiful face. I was still processing all of the information I received from Max as I slowly drifted off to sleep again.


                          
_______________________________________
Hey, it's been a while. I'm sorry that it took me so long to update but I've been struggling with school and my mental health, I hope you understand that. I included something that I experienced as a kid in this chapter and I kinda whish that I could've talked to someone back then. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to text me. I will listen and try to help. Mental health matters
Thanks for reading! 
                          
Word count: 1071 words