Chapter 43

                                    

                                          
Camila's POV
I always wondered what it would feel like to have a real first time with somebody, I hated to say that my first time never felt anything like special.. more so like a curse I was taught to believe a blessing, my name so important that I had to give everything to keep it on the paper that delivered to buyers when we sent out our stock.. seems kind of pointless now? 
It was a random thought I know but when I woke up this morning just laying beside Lauren's sleeping body I couldn't help but feel anything less than used.. not by her obviously but but them.. like my body was never mine and even now when it is.. it still feels like I don't own it, it hurt a lot but I could never really explain it.. Lauren was so gentle and caring with my skin, she'd kiss it and caress it like the most delicate thing in the world yet somehow every time I closed my eyes it didn't feel like her touching me.. it felt blank like the pleasure was there but the connection wasn't.. it's only now after she knew of the story that I began to feel her, acknowledge that the touch was from her not an entity I had built in my head.. strange I know but.. I couldn't help it 
"Miss Cabello! I made you a different coffee today.. we ran out of those normal beans so I experimented and made my own!"
Marco... the sweet prince of the Mafia that had now become just as much a staple as both me and Lauren, his ways a little rough around the edges but nonetheless improving with every passing day! The sound of a new invented coffee however not one I had longed to hear.. I grabbed for the cup with an anxious grimace watching as he stare back at me full of hope and untamed energy 
"When you say experimented.."
"I used coffee obviously.. but other stuff too! Like Caramel syrup and chocolate flakes!"
I cocked a brow briefly before reluctantly lifting the contents towards my lips sipping back a small drop of the experiment only to feel my tastebuds explode with pleasure, the creamy texture and sweet taste coating my tongue like I'd never tasted before.. my eyes must have said it all as immediately he began to lightly pulse upon his feet clamping his hands together with a grinning smile before I walked forwards to place a small kiss over his baby soft cheek, the blush back one I admittedly longed to see.. he was truly precious
"That actually tastes pretty good niño? I like it!"
"YES! See I can think for myself! Sometimes.."
He trailed off weirdly, I couldn't tell why but I assumed the early morning was to blame as he began to pace around aimlessly as if having never spoken to me at all.. I brushed it off setting down behind my desk to pull out some paper work unable to take my eyes off fo his stature as he drag his feet along behind.. strange.. the moment caught off however when Lauren's body enter through into the room with that pearly white beaming smile, the eyes towards me brighter for some reason as she lean forwards to wrap a kiss around my cheek
"You left before I woke up this morning mami?"
"Yeah I couldn't sleep.. I didn't wanna wake you.."
I admit having been up for ages just thinking and feeling.. admiring my own thoughts in a way that almost felt toxic.. I did it a lot in silent, never spoke of the way I'd run back on my younger years wondering if things could have been different, I know they couldn't have but sometimes I liked to pretend my mom was still around.. pretend that she overthrew my father and wished me and Sam off to Dubai or something.. 
"Camila! Baby are you even listening to me?"
"Oh sorry.. I was just thinking, what did you say?"
"I asked if you wanted something to eat? Fallon's getting Cuban bakery!"