Chapter 12

                                    

                                          
Derek sat behind the wheel of his old jeep, debating whether or not he should get out. After returning inside to his trailer, he had quickly showered and dressed, not bothering to shave, and driven the familiar route to Seattle Grace. He only had to search a moment before finding a parking space, turning in and shutting off his car. He had been sitting in silence for over 10 minutes, still trying to talk himself into going in.
                          
He took a deep breath and shoved the door open. There was no use prolonging the inevitable. He crossed the parking lot in long even strides staring straight ahead. As he reached the main entrance of the hospital he noticed the old security guard, Gus, standing by the doors. Derek nodded towards the old man just as he did every time he entered the hospital, but this time Gus responded to the doctor.
                          
"Congratulations Doc. I hope everything turns out well." He gave Derek a lopsided grin and gave him two thumbs up signs.
                          
Derek just nodded. That Gus sure was a strange guy. He had no idea what he was talking about.
                          
As he passed the General Information desk in the front lobby, he noticed the two elderly volunteers smiling at him. He couldn't help but take a quick look behind him to see what they were smiling at. 
                          
"Congratulations doctor, it really is a miracle." There was no mistaking that the kind lady was speaking to him.
                          
Derek just grunted a response and kept walking. Seattle Grace sure was a strange place. He had anticipated, even expected, whispers and stares. But he hadn't predicted this. Why all of a sudden did people think they could talk to him? Smile at him? It wasn't just at the entrance of the hospital but everywhere he went. Happy people, looking at him like he should be happy. He was not happy, and had decided to never be happy again in his entire life. He was miserable and planned to stay that way till the day he died.
                          
He was making his way to the elevator when a familiar nurse passed him in the hall. "Congratulations Dr. Shepherd. I heard the news." 
                          
Derek couldn't take it any more. He grabbed the nurse by the arm, and snapped at her. "What in the world is everyone so damn happy about?!"
                          
Olivia's eyes widened in fright. She desperately glanced around looking for a way out of her predicament. Not finding one, she looked back at the doctor and searched for something to say.
                          
"I'm... I'm sorry Doctor. It's just that I'd thought you'd be happy. I .. I didn't know...." Olivia's voice trailed off seeing she wasn't doing anything to relieve the anger in the enraged doctor's eyes.
                          
"Happy!? About what?" Derek scoffed, finally releasing the hold he had on the red headed nurse's arm.
                          
"Meredith, sir."
                          
Derek's blue eyes turned dark with hate. He felt his body shake in fury. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "How can you be so cruel? Just because she's dead you think I would feel what? Relieved?" His voice was barely a whisper and he spat the words out in disgust.
                          
Olivia's face changed from fearful panic into understanding shock. "You haven't heard, have you Doctor Shepherd?" 
                          
Derek was done with this infuriating conversation that was getting him no where and turned to leave.
                          
"She's alive Doctor." Olivia said it softly, barely loud enough for him to hear. 
                          
Derek froze, all the blood draining from his face. "What did you just say?" He spoke slowly and clearly, terrified he had heard her wrong.
                          
"Meredith's alive. She was brought in last night. I think it was for head trauma or something. I'm not sure. I did hear that she has an extreme case of amnesia, has had it for nearly five years....."