one

                                    

                                          
They sat there in silence for 5 minutes, neither of them knowing what to say next but feeling better nonetheless, now that they were in each other's presence. 
                          
Zayn: "do you even understand how hard this was for me haz? I get that it sucks in your position, feeling like a second option. But I have to make sure she's happy or else she'll make up some dumb shit to get us in trouble or something. I have to make sure you're happy because I love you and wanna be with you all the time. It can get exhausting, and I'm sorry I'm not good at doing both, but I really am trying. Hard. I just feel like either way, nothing I do is good enough anymore."
                          
Harry: "I get it Zayn, but it wouldn't be so hard if you just stood your ground and told her how it was, that you don't wanna be with her. Or maybe you do, and in that case maybe you should just tell me flat out so I can cry for a few weeks and get over it."
                          
Zayn: "we both know we're not ready to come out, that's why I'm trying to protect us for now. For the sake of what we have."
                          
Harry: "mhm I get it..."
                          
Zayn: "I'm sorry I'm not perfect, and I'll never be able to give you that perfect fairy tale from beginning to end but, I'm trying babe...I promise I'm trying."
                          
Harry wiped his tears. 
                          
Harry: "you don't need to be perfect, you just need to be you...and right now you're fighting it."
                          
Zayn: "how so?"
                          
Harry: "you might only be gay for me, and that's fine, but you're trying to keep yourself straight by staying with her...and I'm sorry I'm not a girl, it just didn't work out that way, but I didn't make you fall for me zayn."
                          
Zayn: "I know, and maybe I am holding on to that little bit of normalcy because this all seems too crazy to me. Falling in love with a boy? It never crossed my mind until I met you haz, and I'm so glad I did. I don't want you to wish you were a girl or apologize for not being one because I love you for you, that's all I need yeah?"
                          
Harry: "but you can't blame me for wanting you to myself..."
                          
Zayn: "you're right, I can't, and I don't know what it's like because I have you. All of you to myself. I'm sorry baby I really am."
                          
Harry: "some things just don't work out Z, it's not your fault."
                          
Zayn: "but I should've come to you sooner about tonight and I'm a douche for not saying something."
                          
Harry: "it's fine, I'll get over it eventually...hopefully."
                          
Zayn nodded as they sat there, backs against the wall for another 5 minutes, just breathing in each other's presence. 
                          
Zayn: "so what does this mean for us babe?"
                          
Harry: "that I guess, you need to spend as much time with Perrie as you can in order to keep this pap stunt going...and I guess if we're meant to be...well find our way back to each other."
                          
Zayn: "that wasn't the answer I wanted."
                          
Harry: "you know, it's not the one I wanted either...I want to crawl into your arms and fall asleep to the sound of your heart beating. I wanna feel your fingers tangled in my curls and your lips on my forehead...but like I said, if I don't get all of you, I don't want any."
                          
Zayn: "please haz, don't walk away. I need you."
                          
Harry: "it's two sided z, you're all I have...and walking away from this is far from easy but what other choice do I have?"
                          
Zayn: "just come...come back to my room with me. One more night together, at least? Please."
                          
Harry: "I dunno-
                          
Zayn: "please baby please..."
                          
Harry took a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears he had away from his cheeks. 
                          
Harry: "one more night."
                          
Zayn's heart jumped, he agreed. 
                          
Zayn: "come on, I'll tell the boys your okay."
                          
Harry stood up shakily, he still wasn't fully aware what was going on. He felt vulnerable. 
                          
Z knocked on the door and him and Harry made their way inside. 
                          
Liam: "you two alright then?"
                          
Harry: "yeah I uh...just fell asleep outside for awhile."
                          
Niall: "did you get the chance to talk?"
                          
Zayn: "about a lot yeah."
                          
Niall: "and?"
                          
Harry: "I don't wanna be in a relationship where I can't have all of him...and he can't give me that right now."
                          
Louis: "...shit"
                          
Harry: "but I promised him one more night because we both need it. I...need him."
                          
Liam: "don't be stupid"
                          
Zayn: "love is hard lads...fuck it honestly."
                          
Liam: "but if it weren't for love, you two wouldn't have each other."
                          
Zayn: "had...had each other Liam. cause I lost him."
                          
Harry looked over at Zayn who looked completely distraught. He felt terrible but he couldn't keep up with the toxicity and the constant heart break. 
                          
Louis: "if it's meant to be, you'll find your way yeah?"
                          
Harry: "that's what I told him."
                          
Zayn: "I don't believe in shit like that. Time will tell I guess."
                          
Zayn stood up to leave and Harry followed, remembering the deal. Just one more night. 
                          
Niall: "love you guys"
                          
Harry: "love you too."
                          
Harry and Zayn walked back to his room in silence until they were only a few steps away. 
                          
Harry: "I'm sorry."
                          
Zayn: "for what? you're right."
                          
Harry: "this doesn't mean I won't miss you Z"
                          
Zayn: "but it doesn't have to be this way."
                          
Harry: "I can't keep getting my heart broken."
                          
Zayn: "I'm not fucking trying to do it haz, I promise."
                          
Harry: "and I'm not blaming you for something you can't control...we'll get through it, apart but, together yeah?"
                          
Zayn: "I guess so...yeah."
                          
Zayn unlocked his door and felt his heart warm when Harry's presence was around again, but his heart ached every time he remembered that this would be his last time holding him to sleep.