Chapter 25

                                    

                                          
Lexi
December 24th, 2016 | 6:00 pm
Lexi felt out of place. Today they had all gone to Liam's grandparents house for Christmas Eve. Everyone was very nice and polite, but Lexi was shy and felt like she was invading their family time. Liam had lots of family, they were people all over the house, kids running around, adults mingling, teenagers scattered about. Lexi wasn't even sure where Liam was. There were too many light brown haired boys everywhere. So Lexi spent most of the night by herself in the kitchen helping Liam's grandmother cook. She insisted Lexi call her Grandma but Lexi felt awkward about it. Her own grandparents had all died before Lexi was even able to talk, so she didn't have a lot of experience with it.
Lexi was currently helping her roll out some dough for cookies. Grandma was kneading the next batch. It was pretty quiet between them, Lexi didn't have much to say. Grandma tried to strike up casual conversation but it was hard to keep it going. Lexi still felt really awkward and missed her dad. She had wanted to stay home, but Monica said that they would all stay home with her and it made Lexi feel bad, so she decided to go just to make them happy. After all, they had given her so much, it was the least she could do in return.
"Will you be joining us at church tomorrow?" Grandma asked, snapping Lexi out of her thoughts.
Lexi looked over at her, she seemed so kind, Lexi didn't really want to bring up her inner struggle with agnosticism. Still, she had questions, she wanted answers.
"I'm not sure," Lexi said finally.
"Oh, where are my manners? I don't even know if you are Christian," she said quickly apologizing for her last question.
"My mom was, she made us go every Sunday, my dad was atheist though," Lexi explained.
"So what does that make you?" she asked.
Lexi shrugged. "I don't know, how do we even know God exists?"
Grandma looked over and saw genuine curiosity on Lexi's face. She smiled kindly. "Having a moment of moral crisis?"
"Did Liam or his parents tell you why they had to adopt me?" Lexi asked softly.
She nodded slowly, understanding Lexi's struggle now. "I guess losing two parents is enough to question God's legitimacy."
"I want to believe in God," Lexi clarified. "I just don't know how to believe in Him." Lexi sighed. "I don't know, I just feel like religion isn't for everyone," she said. "I hope that doesn't come off as rude," Lexi added in afterthought.
"Oh of course not, I understand but Lexi, religion is what you make it. Your relationship with God is yours to build," she explained.
"How did you know you believed in God?" Lexi asked.
Grandma thought about it for a moment. "I guess because my parents did," she said.
"I just don't know if I believe in the God the church depicts," Lexi said quietly.
"Lexi, if you believe in God then you should continue regardless of the formality of the church."
Lexi thought about that as she cut out the gingerbread men. 
"Why do you think bad things to happen to people?" she asked after a while.
She smiled lightly. "My mother always told me it was God testing our faith in Him."
"You sound like you don't believe that," Lexi pointed out as she took the dough for the next batch from her.
"The truth is that I don't know God's plan or what he thinks, all I know is that I have faith in Him, so I trust that whatever happens to me, He will always be there for me."