XV: Oh Dear.

                                    

                                          
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Dark circles start filling up the spaces around my eyes, I’m wearing your shirt Justin, I hope you don’t mind, it smells like you, but then that sinking heart feeling starts as I mentally talk to you, Justin, asking you to wake up already.
                          
“Justin, your mom’s worried about you, even though she stands brave in front of everyone, I saw her alone in the chapel, kneeling down, then I saw tears stream down her eyes, you’re lucky you did not see it, I’m sure it will just break your heart. Justin, when will I see your eyes open again? I hope soon. I missed how you look at me. I miss the way your eyes turn just a little smaller when you smile at me. The way you keep your eyes locked on mine and from there, we knew what the one of us feels. Your fans are worried about you. There are tons of letters, flowers, candies, stuffed toys that are delivered here in the hospital. Your phone blows up every minute with tweets and messages both from fans and loved ones. Your grandparents even flew here for you, as well as your siblings and dad. Drake flew here and even Selena, she hugged me and talked to me quite a while, we’re cool with each other. Babe, I miss your voice. It’s these times when I can’t sleep, and the only way I could sleep is to play your albums. God knows the number of times your album has been played here in your room. Bottomline in all these is we miss you Justin. And I know you’re strong and all, but I think this waiting is killing me!” Who am I kidding? He wouldn’t respond to any of these things I’m saying.
                          
I place my head on his arm and intertwined our hands together. I sigh thinking how it has been like hell for everyone involved. I stare at our hands and right there, at that moment, I saw his fingers move. Could he be finally awake? I looked at his face only to find out he had open his eyes now!
                          
“What happened? Where’s my mom?” He let go of our intertwined fingers.
                          
Disregarding his questions, I asked him “Justin, how are you? Do you need something? I’m just going to call the nurse. And your mom.” I rang the button for help and got my phone from the little table beside the hospital bed. I called Pattie and she immediately answered.
                          
“Pattie, he’s awake!” I said ecstatically.
                          
“I’ll go there now! Oh thank God” she hung up right after.
                          
A nurse came in asking what the problem is. I just told him to call the doctor because Justin’s awake.
                          
In all the processes I’ve been doing, Justin looked bewildered of what was happening.
                          
Pattie then came in with the doctor.
                          
“Oh baby!!!” she went straight to Justin and kissed his forehead.
                          
“Mom, mom, what happened? Why does my head hurt?” Justin said, looking scared.
                          
“You hit your head on a rock but you’re alright now.” Pattie answered Justin, stroking Justin’s palm with her thumb.
                          
“We’ve all been worried, but now you’re awake, we couldn’t be happier! You know, me and Jace had never left this hospital since the accident.” Pattie continued.
                          
“Uhhh, mom, can I talk to you in private?” Justin asked with his voice sounding more like just vibrations.
                          
The doctor and I walked out of the door and closed it behind. A few minutes later, Pattie got out looking all worried.
                          
“He doesn’t remember Jace, he was looking for Selena, he kept telling me he needs to see her, and how is this possible doc?” Pattie asked looking at the doctor.
                          
Doesn’t remember me? I think my world just crashed. I felt dizzy as the words of Pattie repeat in my mind almost as deafening as the sound of a rock band in their encore. My stomach felt like I had been thrown back and forth by some gymnasts on trapeze performing for a circus.
                          
“I think we better talk at my office, the CT scan results just arrived, and it might have to do something about it.” The doctor signaled the nurses to check up on Justin’s vital signs.
                          
“It’s going to be alright honey.” Pattie hugged me and walked with me to the doctor’s office with one of her arms wrapped around me.
                          
I stared down the floor of the hospital and little by little, my vision has gotten blurry as tears start to fill my eyes. I bite my lip to keep me from crying. I’m sure it was all a misunderstanding right?
                          
The doctor placed the CT scan result to some kind of a electronic light thing on the wall that would make the results more readable for the doctor.
                          
“The most appropriate thing that we could conclude is that he had a mild traumatic amnesia. He could not remember a part of his life, but do not worry for it’s temporary, he will start to remember fragments of it as time passes by. Now, this needs all efforts, like people involved should be considerate because sometimes, he could be easily irritated especially because he is confused. The best thing to do right now is to go back to his normal life and let him remember what he has forgotten, I do not suggest that he could go back his work right now, he needs at least one or two weeks of rest. And as for Jace,” the doctor turned to look at me.
                          
“It would be best to go easy on him, don’t give him any pressure of letting him remember you, okay? Don’t worry, it will come back naturally.” I nodded but tears escaped my eyes and Pattie hugged me as soon as she saw me.
                          
As soon as the doctor had said his advices, we walk straight back to the room, but I stopped while Pattie was about to open the door.
                          
“I think I’m going home for now” I said looking at Pattie.
                          
“Okay dear, say goodbye to Justin. Don’t worry, your heard the doctor right princess? He’ll remember you eventually.” She held my hand and I nodded.
                          
When we went inside Justin was staring at the ceiling.
                          
“Honey, Jace is going home.” Justin looked right into my eyes. Oh my, God knows how long I’ve wanted to see his eyes again. I felt like a dork because I smiled and sniffed.
                          
“Bye Justin, I’m glad you’re better.” I stood near the door, unable to move, how could I? He would be weirded out if I kissed him when he doesn’t even remember my existence.
                          
“Thanks.” Was the only respond I got but he smiled. If only he knew how much I’ve waited just to see his smile and hear his voice again. Pattie kissed my cheek and walked me out of the hospital.
                          
“Your dad’s picking you up right?” Pattie asked.
                          
“Yes, he said he might be here in a few minutes.” I smile then Pattie nodded. She waited with me on a bench outside the hospital.
                          
“Life is so ironic. You know…” I started talking, I exhale loudly, looking at the trees moving in sync with the cold breeze of winter. Pattie looked at me.
                          
“You know, that last time I heard him and talked to him, he told me not to forget how much he loves me, and I told him to not forget how much I loved him too, now the problem now is, he forgot that he loves me…” I chuckled and continued. “I guess I should’ve told him to not forget that he loves me.” I chuckled once more but it had quickly turned to tears. Pattie didn’t give any response, just that she hugged me tight from the side and I broke down at her arms. We stayed like that for awhile, feeling the warmth of a mother’s care until my dad finally pulled over the hospital.