blowup

                                    

                                          
Harry went to walk away but Paul called back to him. 
                          
Paul: "Harry please son, just sit down and listen"
                          
Harry didn't sit, he just rested his back and head against the frame of the doorway that led to the bunk area. 
                          
Paul: "I know this isn't an ideal situation for you, or anyone...but it'll make things more smooth in the press and there won't be so much scrutiny on you and zayn."
                          
Harry: "I don't think you realize how much I don't give a fuck."
                          
Zayn: "haz, come on...just give the guy your ears for a second and try to understand."
                          
Harry: "I don't think anyone understands where I'm at though, so why should I have to understand anyone else?"
                          
Paul: "I know this situation sucks-
                          
Harry: "you know that it sucks, but you don't know that you're keeping me away from someone that I have mad feelings for, and it's making me do some unhealthy things that I've yet to share with anyone. Not even Z. Seeing someone you want for yourself with a perfect little blonde girl with an amazing voice makes me so fucking insecure but, now you want me to go on a date alongside that?! You want me to watch her grind all over him and kiss him and touch him while I watch?! For fucks sake they're getting engaged in front of my eyes and I can't fucking stop it! I don't wanna be a bitch, and maybe it seems like I am, but don't tell me I have to understand a god damn thing unless you understand me too."
                          
Before anyone had the chance to reply, he was gone. In his bed and the curtain was shut instantly. He was so hurt by this, and the fact that Zayn wanted to go through with it. 
                          
He hated the fact that fans thought it was Zayn and Perrie until the end, but he dealt with it because he wanted him. 
                          
He knew he looked and sounded selfish, but he didn't care. He wanted to take his own feelings into consideration for once, for fucks sake nobody else was!
                          
He threw his phone, thinking it landed on the floor beside his bunk, but he didn't care at this point. He buried his head in his pillow and let the tears soak through the cotton fabric that cased the pillow in.
                          
His sobs were loud. He's never heard himself cry that much before, but he couldn't physically hold it in anymore. 
                          
Back in the lounge they were all stunned, all but Zayn who saw his blow up coming. 
                          
Zayn: "I knew it was only a matter of time until it all came out."
                          
Paul: "what do you mean?"
                          
Zayn: "he hates that we have to be kept apart, even when we're in the confines of the bus or shit like that. He stays calm and happy for as long as he can but he's had that bottled up all week. I knew it was coming."
                          
Paul: "I didn't mean to make him feel like his feelings were invalid but, he needs to see both sides"
                          
Zayn: "it's Harry, he's a stubborn son of a bitch, and yes I'm falling in love with that, so I can't sit here and take sides Paul. I'm fine with the idea, but if it's gonna put him through this shit, I'm not going through with it."
                          
Paul: "I'll call management and see if I can rearrange things for tomorrow night, otherwise, you've gotta convince Harry."
                          
Zayn: "well he's pissed off with me at the moment, so I'll see how much convincing I can do when you won't let us sleep in the same bed."
                          
Paul: "again, not my choice"
                          
Zayn just nodded
                          
Paul: "sorry for keeping you guys awake, lights out in 5."
                          
Zayn immediately got up and traced his steps right outside of Harry's bunk. 
                          
Zayn: "hey baby?"
                          
Harry: "I'm sleeping"
                          
Zayn: "you're not, you just answered me."
                          
Harry: "well I'm pissed, and upset. I don't wanna talk right now."
                          
Zayn: "we need to."
                          
Harry: "doesn't mean I have to."
                          
Zayn: "you're right, but i think I deserve to know about these unhealthy things you're doing because I'm worried as fuck."
                          
Harry: "it's nothing"
                          
Zayn: "oh it's something and I'm not going to sleep unless you tell me what the fuck you're doing."
                          
Harry slid open the curtain, annoyed but just wanting to get this shit over with. 
                          
Harry: "I've been taking happy pills."
                          
Zayn: "what?!"
                          
Harry: "mostly Valium...sometimes Prozac or Milton. Whatever I can get my hands on without getting caught really."
                          
Zayn: "fuck Harry, why in the fucking world would you not tell me!"
                          
Harry: "cause I knew you'd take them away and that you'd act this way."
                          
Zayn: "you're taking drugs Harry...there's absolutely no fucking way I'm gonna let you keep going!"
                          
Harry: "they're in my bag, you can take them."
                          
He sounded defeated.
                          
Zayn: "where'd you even get them?"
                          
Harry: "Ashton mentioned using them once when he had this really bad break up, he referred me to this guy...think his names Eric or sum. He hooks me up with bottles of em"
                          
Zayn: "what if you would've been caught?!"
                          
Harry: "then I guess...I dunno, I'd put up with the consequences."
                          
Zayn: "why are you acting like this?"
                          
Harry: "like what?"
                          
Zayn: "like you don't give a shit...about anything?"
                          
Harry: "because the one thing I do give a shit about, is supposed to be in love with someone else Zayn...and there's nothing I can fucking do about it."
                          
Zayn sighed and scratched his eyebrow, something he did when he had no answer and was thinking deeply about how to go about it. 
                          
Harry: "and I know there's nothing you can do either, so don't start with that shit...please."
                          
Zayn: "Harry, I don't wanna talk about Perrie. She's the last thing I care about babe. You are my first thought in the morning and my last one before bed. Fuck her and her blonde hair. I want you. I want you so fucking bad all day every day haz."
                          
Harry: "and it sucks that we can't have it all am I right?"
                          
Zayn: "stop acting like you don't give a fuck!"
                          
Harry: "I'm not trying Zayn, but if I do give a fuck I blow up like a bouncy house at a kids birthday party! I'm so over being a dick because I can't be happy. I'm so fucked. So fucked babe..."
                          
He trailed off in complete tears, sobbing at how sad this whole situation had become for him. He didn't know if he could take it anymore.