HER THOUGHTS (25)

                                    

                                          








    Weston had tried to avoid thinking about it. She didn't want to have to define what they had, but she could tell they were nearing that point in their relationship. 
                          
    She was scared. 
                          
    Since she had Killian, she was convinced she would be alone. No one would want to be in a relationship with someone who already had a child. She was a charity case, with tons of baggage, and too many issues to figure out. 
                          
    Corpse wasn't supposed to be so kind. He wasn't supposed to make her fall in love with him. If she knew initially this is how they would end up, she never would've dropped Killian off in the first place. She didn't want to burden Corpse with them. 
                          
    Killian was her main priority, and always would be, but she would be lying if she didn't sometimes wish she could go back and change her actions from years ago. She wished she could've had a fighting chance in life. But wishing about it wasn't going to make it happen. 
                          
    She had to deal with the consequences of her actions, and if Corpse wanted to leave them because of that, she couldn't blame him, no matter how much she loved him. 
                          
    Valentine's day was only two days away, and Corpse hadn't mentioned it. 
                          
    She tried not to get her feelings hurt over it, knowing it was probably just a sign of what he truly wanted. Weston didn't want to invest in things that were temporary, so she refrained from buying him anything until he mentioned it. Now, it was getting later and later, and she knew he probably wouldn't say anything.
                          
    On her way home from work, she stopped at Target, grabbing a stuffed animal and chocolates for Killian. She tried to get him something simple and cheap every year, so he knew how he should be expected to be treated one day even if she couldn't afford to truly spoil him. She was also tasked with picking out valentine's day cards for Killian's class at school. Weston chose superhero themed ones, knowing Killian would enjoy those the most. He was too little to sign all of the names on them, but she didn't mind doing it. It was something Killian enjoyed. 
                          
    Hesitantly, she grabbed a few snacks for Corpse as well, and a sweet card. She didn't want to go overboard, in case it was one sided, so she stuck with that and checked out. 
                          
    It was nearing 7, so she knew the boys would be hungry. Corpse had let her know they were streaming late tonight, so she knew they wouldn't be able to eat until later anyway. After getting food for herself, she ate alone, listening to sad songs in the parking lot. 
                          
    The only thing flooding her brain was how badly she wanted to tell Corpse and Killian about everything. She wished they could move into one apartment, that was theirs, and eventually a house. She imagined what having another baby would be like, and how Killian would feel about being a sibling. She knew Corpse would be a good father, the best even. He had been through too much with his own family not to be. 
                          
     It felt so silly, feeling so attached already, only two and a half months into a make-shift relationship her son didn't know about. 
                          
    She couldn't help it though. Corpse had already done so much for them. They spent every day together, and honestly, felt like they lived together anyway. Killian loved Corpse, telling him often. But Killian didn't get it. Killian doesn't understand that relationships are a lot more than two people liking each other, especially when one of them has a child and they're both still young. 
                          
    God, Corpse has a whole life ahead of him, and here she was, dragging him down. Making him grow up too fast, leaving him with her child... she often felt like Corpse would eventually resent her. 
                          
    Weston watched the clips, though. She listened to the way they interacted, and sometimes, when Corpse was unmuted, and talking to Killian in front of his friends, she could hear how soft he was with him. It was endearing, and the fans loved it. 
                          
    But it was so much more than that. 
                          
    She huffed, finally pulling into the apartment complex. Her day was long, and her feet ached from the cheap heels she was required to wear. Throwing her hair over her shoulder, she grabbed all of the bags and put them into her apartment. Changing quickly, and grabbing an extra change of clothes for Killian, she headed to Corpse's apartment, texting him that she was there. 
                          
    She could hear them laughing in the studio room, the only room she hadn't yet seen. She knew Corpse trusted her, but she had no desire to be in his space, honestly. It was nice, how much he loved working alone. Even when she would help him, it would be from the laptop used instead of at his desk. 
                          
    Observing the state of the room, she cleaned up a few things, mostly Killian's toys, and did the dishes. It was something to do, and she was bored, so why not. Watching the stream, her phone propped in front of her while she cleaned the kitchen, she could hear the tiredness in Killian's voice. She expected, any minute, he would come to her, tired and ready for a quick bath. 
                          
    "Babe!" Corpse yelled. 
                          
    Weston stopped what she was doing, and went to the door, keeping it shut. "Yeah?" 
                          
    "Killian wants a bath, but we can't move," Corpse said. Weston furrowed her eyebrows. "You can come in," she heard. 
                          
    She hesitated before opening the door. Prior to seeing it, she hadn't imagined anything really, which made it seem normal. It was brighter than she expected, and smaller, with less screens. He only had a single monitor, but tons of microphones and small pieces for his music she had never seen before. The game of Among Us was on the screen, the small chatbox in the corner.
                          
    Killian was on Corpse's lap, the chair tipping backwards. Corpse had his hands holding onto the desk, trying to keep the chair from tipping and making them fall over. Weston rushed to push the back of the chair forward, making sure they could sit up correctly. 
                          
    "I leaned back too far," Corpse said quietly, playfulness in his tone. 
                          
    She smiled gently at him, picking up Killian from his lap. 
                          
    "How much longer are you going to stream?"
                          
    "An hour, if thats okay," Corpse said, looking to her for approval. 
                          
    "No worries," she said kindly. 
                          
    Carrying Killian out of the room, his eyes were barely able to stay open. Weston was surprised he had stayed up this long without becoming cranky. Kissing his head gently, she decided against a bath, and decided to lay with him on the couch. 
                          
    Putting on a random disney movie, she sat down, Killian's head on her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, detangling them gently as he fell asleep. 


                          
NOTE!!
let me know how y'all feel!!