One

                                    

                                          

May 19th, 2021.
                          
Hi me. I'm currently 22 years old, two months until my 23rd birthday. It's currently 11:32 in the morning. Weirdly cloudy for a day in LA.
My doctors told me that I should try to document my journey, so that's what I'm doing here. I'm writing in this odd black notebook I got from the store, and honestly, I don't think this is going to make me feel better. This isn't going to change the fact that-


                          
"Mommy! Mommy! Can we go now? I'm bored" That's Ashton, my three year old daughter. 
                          
She comes running in my room and jumps on my bed, collapsing onto the soft pillows.
                          
"Yes hunny, let me just get ready"
                          
I get up from my desk, walk over to my closet to find an appropriate wig to wear to the park with my daughter. 
                          
I pick out a long straight black one, it goes a few inches past my shoulders. I comb it out before sliding it onto my awfully shiny, bald head. 
                          
I walk into the bathroom, looking in my full body mirror I have hanging on the door that connects to my bedroom. My black jeans and yellow sweater go well with this hair style, so I don't need to change. 
                          
I look to make sure my makeup is still in good condition from a messy breakfast with Ashton. I'm lucky she didn't accidentally rub off an eyebrow.
                          
"Ready to go kiddo?" I ask walking over to my bed, giving her tickles while picking her up. 
                          
She giggles, it's always music to my ears. 
                          
I put her down and she sprits down the stairs to the front door and quickly tries putting her shoes on. I get down the stairs slowly trying to catch my breath. I quickly put on my black vans and help Ashton do her Velcro ties up.
                          
"Let's go mommy!" Ashton yells as I open the front door. 
                          
She runs over to my black Cadillac and waits patiently for me to open her door. I lock the front door and slowly make my way to open Ashton's door. She jumps right in and I do her up in her car seat. I get into the drivers seat, make sure everythings ready, and we head to the park. 


                          
We make it to the park, and I park in the parking lot, closest to the playground. Ashton squeals in excitement once she sees the swing set, her favourite. 
                          
I grab the bag I brought, with snacks and drinks, so Ashton doesn't get too hungry or dehydrated. I get Ashton out of the car, and she almost immediately wants to run off.
                          
"What did I say about parking lots Ash?" I ask looking down towards her
                          
"Sorry mommy" She says walking over to me and grabbing my hand
                          
"I'm sorry baby, I just want you to be safe" Ashton nods and we walk over to the playground. I let go of her hand and she runs to play. 
                          
I walk over to the closest picnic table and set my stuff down. There's only a few other kids and their parents here so I sit down on the table and rest my feet on the seats.
                          
I rest and watch Ashton for about 10 minutes until a stranger catches my eye. 
                          
He's shorter, short brown hair, slightly hidden under a black beanie. He's got round glasses on, he's too far away to see his eye colour. He's in a black sweater with an army green jacket over top, with the same coloured pants to match. 
                          
I see him glance at me and smile, I'm not going to lie, he's very attractive. 
                          
I quickly turn my attention back to Ashton, who's now playing with a little girl. I smile to myself, seeing how happy she is to make new friends. 
                          
My eyes shift quickly over to the man in army green making his way over in my direction.
                          
Shit, what do I do? The man stops over to the side of me and slightly leans on the table.
                          
"Is that your daughter?" He asks pointing directly at Ashton.
                          
"Yes. Do you have a child here or are you creeping?" I ask in a somewhat rude tone, clutching onto my purse a little tighter. 
                          
He laughs
                          
"Your daughter, is playing with my little girl right now" He says with a little laughter. I let out a breath I didn't notice I was even holding in.
                          
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize, you can never be too safe, you know?" I look over at him and he smiles but doesn't take his eyes off our daughters playing.
                          
"What's her name?" He asks
                          
"Ashton, and yours?" I ask looking back over to the girls
                          
"Lavender, she's almost three" He says with joy in his voice
                          
"She's adorable. Ash just turned three" I watch as Ashton and Lavender go down the slide together. 
                          
"What's your name?" I ask as he turns to look at me. He's got such beautiful brown eyes.
                          
"Um.." He pauses, "Mason" I laugh
                          
"What's your real name?"
                          
"How do you know it's not my real name?" He asks and I laugh again
                          
"No one says um before they say their name" I turn to look at him and he shakes his head
                          
"Jack"
                          
"Y/n, nice to meet you, Jack" I stick out my hand for him to shake and he gladly shakes my hand.
                          
Jack and I sit and talk for quite a while, making small talk about ourselves and our daughters while the girls played together. 
                          
Ashton and Lavender come running over after what seemed like 10 minutes but was actually a few hours.
                          
"Daddy, I'm tired" Lavender says as Jack reaches down and picks her up.
                          
"We're going to head out for the day, will you be here tomorrow?" Jack asks
                          
"No, not tomorrow, how about the day after?" I ask grabbing my purse and getting Ashton some water
                          
"Yeah, we'll see you then" Jack smiles, then starts walking away. Lavender looks back then starts waving to Ashton, it was the cutest sight
                          
"Bye Lav!" Ashton says jumping up and down, waving back at Lavender 
                          
"Let's get going too baby. You're spending the day tomorrow with grandma, so we've got to go pack your bag!" I say, grabbing her hand and start to walk back to the car
                          
"Yay! I love gramma!"