"Y-yeah." Shit man! nautal pa ako. 
                          
"Oh." He seems disappointed but I ignore it.
                          
"Bakit? may sasabihin ka ba?" tanong ko sa kanya pinipigilang magpakita ng kahit anong emosyon. Natatakot akong baka mamaya makita niya ang pagkainteres ko sa kanya. 
                          
I saw him blinked then smiled. "Ahm.. Dayana told me you were there at the party?" 
                          
Napalunok ako nang wala sa sarili,  anong isasagot ko? Shoud I lie? Or tell him the truth? 
                          
No, for sure he'll get mad. 
                          
Tumitig ako sa mga mata niya at tumango. "Nandun nga ako noon." 
                          
"Nakita mo ba kung may kasama ako the time you saw me? lasing naba ako nun?" 
                          
"Hmm." nagpanggap akong tila nag-iisip. Man! kinakabahan ako sobra, makita ko palang siya. 
                          
"Sorry dude, hindi ko masyado napagtuunan ng pansin ang kasama mo nun and you seemed half drunk that time." I said with a half lie, coz he really seems half drunk when he's with me though he really got drunk and asleep. Of course, sa kanya lang talaga ako nakafocus sa gabing iyon. 
                          
"Oh okay, thanks man." Tila ata bumagsak ang mga balikat niya nang marinig ang sagot ko. 
                          
I'm sorry dude, sorry for what I did. 
                          
"Thanks really." Tumabi siya sa dadaanan ako at lalagpasan sana ako pabalik sa table nila nang bigla kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. 
                          
"Wait!" 
                          
"Bakit?" 
                          
Goodness! napakalambot at init ng kamay niya. I wanted to hold his hands for a long long time. Jesus! Shawn, ano ba talagang nangyayari sayo?! 
                          
I take a breath deeply, while still holding his hands. Soft, thin and smooth. 
                          
"Pwede ba kitang makausap pagkatapos ng klase? sa school garden." Tanong ko bigla nang wala sa sarili. Jesus! have mercy on me! Bakit ko ba tinanong iyon kung wala naman talaga akong sasabihin?! 
                          
"Sure." I let go of his hands smiling on him. Though it wasn't fake, it is just to hide my real emotions. 
                          
"Thanks, I better go now. Mauna na ako sa inyo." 
                          
"Take care then." I nodded as I saw him gulping. 
                          
Pagkalabas ko sa restaurant ay agad akong nagpakawala ng malakas na buntong-hininga. Pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang puso ko sa lakas ng kaba nito, bumilis ang paghinga ko nang maalala ko ang malambot at makinis na kamay ni Jayce. 
                          
Matindi na tong nangyayari sakin, ngunit... God! bahala na. Hindi pa naman siguro ako nababaliw diba? hindi pa, sigurado ako. 
                          
DUMATING NA ang hapon at uwian ngunit hindi ko parin nao-organized ang mga salitang kailangan kong sabihin kay Jayce, kung bakit ba kasi sinabi kong mag-usap kami. Dammit! Hindi ako ganito, kahit sa mga babaeng nagustuhan ko sa nakaraan. 
                          
"Urrgghh damn!" I muttered frustrated. 
                          
Nakaupo ako ngayon sa bench dito sa gitna ng hardin dito sa skul. The flowers are all beautiful, they smell like Jayce. Haha. Heto na naman ako, siya na naman ang iniisip ko. Gulong gulo na ako anu ba!! 
                          
"May nangyari ba sayo?" Napatalon ako sa kinauupuan ko nang marinig ang boses niya. 
                          
"Jesus!" 
                          
Tumawa siya ng marahan at napatitig ako nang makita ang ngiti niya. Tila musika sa aking pandinig, mas maganda pa sa musika. He's not pissed off anymore, that's good. 
                          
"That's not the answer of my question you know." Tumawa na naman siya. Para lang akong istatwa dito na nakatayo habang nakatitig sa guwapo niyang mukha. 
                          
Jayce had the most perfectly wavy, shiny, dark brown, almost black messy hair that always fall into his eyes covering his forehead and his eyes. Those black eyes, very dark. Perfect nose that I think it's cute. Then his perfectly angled jawline, his alluring red lips. Ngayon ko lang siya natitigan nang ganito kahit gaano ko siya kagustong titigan sa mga nagdaang araw. I don't know why but his skin was actually so flawless, it almost glowed. Just by glancing at the pale skin you could see how soft it was, he wasn't look weak having those perfectly feminine arms, he wasn't also that muscular but not too skinny. He's very attractive. Damn! 
                          
"Hey!" He snapped his fingers infront of me and that wakes me up. Goodness! nakakahiya. Matagal ba akong nakatitig sa kanya? 
                          
"A-hm sorry, just—" 
                          
"It's okay, so what is it that you want to talk to me?" Tila kumislap ang mga mata niya ng kung anong emosyon ngunit baka imahinasyon ko na naman ito.
                          
"Talk?"
                          
The heck man? you even dare to ask? 
                          
"Yeah, you said you wanted to talk to me." 
                          
"Ah right." I let out a chuckles to ease the awkwardness I'm feeling. 
                          
He just smiled and sat on the bench, I sat down too forcing my mind to think for a reason. 
                          
Think! 
                          
Think! 
                          
Think! 
                          
What should I say? 
                          
Dali! 
                          
Reason please! 
                          
I need to — *Ting! 
                          
Hinarap ko siya agad, nakita ko pang nagulat siya ngunit tinaasan lang ako ng kilay. 
                          
"Pwede ko bang hiramin yung notes mo sa subject ni Ms. Ez? alam mo na, malapit na pala ang exam." 
                          
I'm so smart! 
                          
Fuckin' smart mga dudes! 
                          
His mouth open but closed then open again as he stared into my eyes. 
                          
Then he laughed, surprising me. 
                          
"Sorry dude haha, just that you won't understand my notes since I only take down what is important there. Also, it wasn't really a complete notes." 
                          
"Ah ok—" 
                          
"But I can lend you my moms book." 
                          
"Book? tungkol parin ba doon sa subject natin? Kasi sa pagkaalam ko ay walang matatagpuan na libro para sa subjects natin na iyon?" He just smiled. 
                          
"My moms have a book explains everything about it. Just wait for me after our first period here and I'll give it to you. You can't show it to anyone, bring it home and do not leave here in school." 
                          
"Huh?" Nagugulahan ako sa sinabi niya. 
                          
"Just do what I said or I won't lend you the book." 
                          
"Okay m-man, t-thanks." 
                          
"Gotta go." 
                          
He patted my shoulder as he turned around leaving me here confused and speechless. 
                          
I don't understand anything? and him? 
                          
Napailing nalang ako at umalis doon. Sumasakit na ang ulo ko sa dami ng iniisip.