You can buy me a coffee (here is my Ko-fi)

Here is a link to some FAQ about trauma and other related topics.

You can also offer support by checking out the stim toy business I co-own! Check out our blog @flappyhappystim. Here is the website to order products. 

Consider checking these out?

My Trauma Survivors Website: I have a lot of info and longer blog posts on here!

My Trauma Cohost

My Trauma Facebook

My Trauma Instagram

My Blogs:

@aprilthebiqueen : My personal blog. It’s where I follow from and can message from!

@borderlinereminders : Mostly BPD positivity and reminders. Also other mental health stuff.

@disabilityreminders : disability positivity and reminders.

@somepositivityforyou : is my general positivity blog to post everything else!

@traumasurvivorswriting: A blog where I share bits of my books.

@traumavents: This is a blog where you can vent about your trauma, or events surrounding it, or your healing or whatever else!

It’s okay to want and/or enjoy sex after trauma. It does not make you dirty nor does it mean you “liked it” on any level.

You’re still allowed to have trauma and feelings about it.

It’s also okay to struggle with sex because of trauma and still want it at the same time. It’s also okay to go back and forth on your feelings about it all. You are valid.

It's okay to not want it at all. It's okay to struggle with hypersexuality, sex repulsion or both.

Whatever your feelings about sex, it's okay. You're valid. And you aren't dirty, or broken because of these feelings.

It’s important to have realistic healing goals. Thinking that you need to be perfect, or healed within a certain time frame isn’t realistic and can be disheartening. It can set you up for failure and leave you feeling like you aren't doing enough. That you're weak, or you can't do it.

It’s okay to slip up and take as long as you need.

Healing doesn’t mean everything is okay all the time. In fact, it’s normal for it to not be. You’re doing so much better than you give yourself credit for.

Please try to remember that there’s no rule book for healing from trauma. There’s no ten step program. There’s no any one way. There’s no time line. Healing is different for everyone and is a personal experience that’s unique to you. Please be patient with yourself.

My blog is one very small part of my life. Saying my trauma informs every decision I make is wrong, and honestly rude. You don't know a blogger just because you see their posts. There is a lot of stuff I don't share on here, and would never share on here. There's a lot of aspects about me and my life that aren't shared here.

I have healed. But I use my experience to try and help others.

I understand you are going through your own stuff and that you are likely looking for a comforting answer, but this ask is honestly rude. It's not up to you, or anyone else, to decide how my trauma affects me, my decisions and my opinions.

But to answer your last question... The way I see it is that trauma did permanently change my brain. But healing does too.

You are right. It isn't fair that you have to recover and heal because of what someone else did. It can be beyond exhausting when people point out that "life isn't fair" or it's up to us to deal with the hand we've been dealt. And a lot of the times, it can make us feel invalid for having feelings when people say these things to us. It feels dismissive of what we've been through.

It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be bitter. It's okay to acknowledge that it isn't fair and vent. Whether it's on us to heal or not, it doesn't mean we aren't allowed to have feelings about that. And those feelings are valid and okay.

Just please try to work on healing because you deserve a better quality life. But it is absolutely okay to have strong feelings about what you went through, and anger is a valid and understandable response.

Even if they won't admit that what they did to you was abusive, it doesn't mean they're right. Them admitting to it is not needed for you to be valid.

I understand the want to be validated. For someone to admit what they've done. But that doesn't always happen, and in a lot of cases, it doesn't. You are valid, regardless of how they or anyone else feel about your experiences.

You’re allowed to talk about what they did to you regardless of how they feel about it.

This isn’t to say you should put yourself at risk if it isn’t safe to talk about yet, or talk about stuff you aren’t comfortable with. This is just to say that you’re valid if you want to talk about it.

It is not your responsibility to protect their reputation.

Question of the Day

I usually stick to trauma based questions, or stuff like that but I thought it might be fun to try something different!

Pick a character. Any character. Write what you think their search history would look like. (If technology isn't a thing in their universe, just pretend for this question that it is.)

I sometimes find it validating to find out that something from my childhood that traumatized me wasn’t normal. It being abnormal makes it feel like I’m allowed to be traumatized by it more. But the truth is that you can be traumatized by anything. Trauma isn't necessarily about the event itself.

There are also things that were considered normal that traumatized me. And I just want to say that if you too have trauma from “normal” experiences, that your trauma is valid.

Also another important thing to note is that “normal” doesn’t mean “okay”. Some things that were considered normal were still abusive and being normalized doesn’t change that.

But even if you have trauma from something that really is not abusive, that’s still okay. That’s still valid.

Just because something works for you doesn’t mean it works for someone else or vice versa.

Just because it helped you to forgive your abuser doesn’t mean that everyone has to forgive in order to heal.

Just because it helped you and gave you closure to report doesn’t mean everyone has to report to heal.

Just because being angry was bad for you and caused you harm doesn’t mean being angry is bad for someone else.

There is no one way to heal. Everyone is different and heals differently. Assuming that because something worked for you, therefore it must work for everyone else is wrong and ignores the fact that we’re all individuals on our own healing journey. Or assuming that because something didn't work for you means it isn't valid for anyone else is wrong.

Something being right for you doesn’t make it right for everyone. Something being harmful to you doesn’t mean it’s harmful to everyone. We are all unique and this means our healing journeys will also be unique to us. And that's okay.

I don’t know if anyone is on StoryGraph but I wanted to share the reading challenge I created! I wanted something a bit different.

I’m also doing the rainbow challenge and the A-Zone

Hi anon!

I'm not deleting or going away! Sorry for the confusion. I am resigning from the trauma support discord I started, not leaving my blog.

Abuse is not just emotional, physical and sexual.

It can be financial. It can be spiritual. It can show itself in so many forms.

And abuse can happen to you at any age.

Whatever your experience, your experience is valid and any feelings you have about it are valid as well.