absolving my sins with gorilla glue

My birthday is next month. I'm turning 31. I grew up thinking I'd probably die before my 30s, or hoped that I would. I genuinely could not picture a life worth living at this age. No mental furniture beyond this point. So it kind of feels like the original inhabitant is a stranger to the me who is currently me, and also checked out years ago. So I'm just left here like. possessing this body. Like it ain't mine but I'm living here rent free. Doing whatever I want.

I'm gonna dye my hair pink and learn how to do a cartwheel.

Miksei mistään löydy netistä mikä hitto "spatial awareness" on suomeksi? Haluun väsätä itelleni paidan jossa lukee selässä jtn tyyliin "I HAVE NO SPATIAL AWARENESS - if you can read this, I have no idea I am standing in your way", mutta suomeksi.

Huh. Apparently the urge to modify all my clothing and apparel has finally left. Like I am suddenly no longer being possessed by something. Except it wasn't exorcised, it just said "yeah that's enough for now", and walked off. I'm free.

There's a fine line between letting go of your fear of being cringe and accepting your genuine self completely and wholeheartedly, and becoming a completely unhinged shameless gross little feral animal, and I'm going to snort it.

Story idea:

Two schoolkids who are best friends get annoyed about everyone assuming that they're dating just because one of them is a boy and the other one is a girl. Then it occurs to them that both of them are being raised by a single parent, so if they managed to introduce their parents to each other and they get together, that would make them step-siblings, so every time someone asked if they're together together, they could just go "eww wtf that's my brother/sister."

So they start making elaborate plans on how to get their parents to date each other. At no point does it cross either of their minds that they could have just lied about being cousins or something.

I already meant to be done with working on my pants, but every time I finish one part I find another that I should work on.

"you are what you eat"

alas, I am but dried fruit with freshly crushed nuts.

Using this as an opportunity to tell both you and everyone else in the same boat: You don't need to restrict yourself into moths! You can do your own specific thing, making your whole wardrobe with a spider and spiderweb motif, entirely werewolf-themed, whatever makes you think "oooh, I want that one".

Hell you could decide that your whole thing is being Dragon Themed, so you'll get to challenge yourself figuring out how to get scale-like chainmail on as many pieces of your clothing as possible, figure out how to make acrylic nails look as much like talons as possible, etc. Just pick something that you love enough to make it Your Whole Thing, fashion-wise.

You know that arthurian legend where sir Gawain ends up marrying an ugly hag who turns out to be under a spell, where she's an ugly hag for half the time and a beautiful lady for the other half, and instead of choosing himself whether he wants her to be beautiful at night for himself and ugly during the day with others, or vice versa, he lets her choose, and that breaks the spell for good? The moral of that story is that women are much happier if they get to make their own life choices, and they are far less likely to give you grief if they're happy.

Anyway my point here isn't about the moral of the story, but the middle situation is a lot what it's like to date a goth. Like out in public you've got the most well-composed and put-together etheral creature at your arm, but as soon as you come home they'll shed all of that and boom:

You're dating a pyjama goblin.

ADHD grooming tip: if you want to paint your nails, do them one at a time. You're way more likely to manage to watch out for one nail than be careful of both of your whole hands, and even though it takes 10 times longer to do it this way, the odds of failure and damage are much lower.

Like if you're going to be stuck on your phone anyway, you can put the nail polish next to you, paint just one nail, set a phone timer to 5 minutes, keep scrolling through fun nonsense, get startled by the timer you forgot you set, remember the polish, paint a second nail, and then keep repeating that until all nails are done. And by the time you're finished with your very last nail, the first nail you painted will be 100% impact dry, and you can do the second layer, repeating the whole process again.

By the time you're done, you've got your nails all done and pretty, completely dry on one hand and almost dry on the other. Then it's time for you to get up, have a glass of water, go to the bathroom and probably eat something, you've been on that phone for almost two hours.

Talking with my boyfriend about human interactions with wild animals, I started thinking about the phenomenon of urban monkeys taming stray dogs. Like I can't recall where I read about it and where it was happening, but it makes sense to me so I won't question it unless I get proven wrong. The monkeys don't feed the dogs like early humans did, but they groom fleas and other parasites off them in exchange for canine guard and protection.

And it occurred to me that since dogs and most social primates have group hierarchies, and dogs are already quite fine-tuned to reading the room and seeing which human is really the boss around here, can they pick up on that in monkeys?

Like if some low-ranking monkey tries to get the attention of a dog like "come here sweetie let me pick those bugs off you", is a top dog going to go "um ew excuse me, I'm a cool dog, I only get my fur groomed by the popular monkeys" and walks off and all the other monkeys are there like yeah lmao this dog gets it, fuck this loser nerd monkey.

People I remember encountering online, whom I still think about sometimes: This guy who was half finnish and half turkish, who lived the first seven years of his life in Turkey with his father's extended family and first only learned finnish from dubbed cartoons and from his mother. So when they moved to Finland when he was seven so he could go to school here, he and his two younger siblings spoke finnish in a odd mixture of written Standard Finnish (kirjakieli) and their mother's dialect.

And as a kid he had assumed that "Perkele" is some sort of a term of endearment in finnish, because his mother used it so much, huffing ukko perkele, kissa perkele, kakarat perkele, whenever someone in the family did something.

Hey can you add shoulder pads to a jacket that already fits you perfectly? Like logically I'm aware that you can't really make an item bigger than its fabric, but I feel like something like this would have secret sewing solutions that people do.