A collection of glitches I’ve found and love.

Each one of these is absolute gold.

That last reblog is what worries me THE MOST about the way people worship the Critical Role cast.

They’ve occasionally messed up in the game, and the backlash at the time was really embarrassing to behold. (Or sometimes they didn’t mess up at all, but they did something unpopular and the backlash was also embarrassing. Like when Molly died and everyone was accusing Matt of queerbaiting and homophobia for it??)

But it’s almost inevitable that one of them will eventually fuck up outside of the game. And do something questionable, or say something that reveals a questionable mindset no one realized, or so on. It’s going to happen someday. Not that I WANT this to happen, but they’re human beings. No human being is perfect or flawless all the time.

And I’m really not excited about how the fandom will absolutely explode when that happens, with the way the community as a whole puts the cast on a pedestal (especially Matt).

Yeah as much as I love all of the cast, each and every one of them have admitted being fallible, and when the drooling beast of the internet gets wind when one of them makes a mistake, the fallout is gonna be nasty. They tried it with Sam already, though, and the fandom weathered a couple days of that, so who knows? Maybe it’ll be better with this community? Then again, that would require nuance, and we all know how well the internet (read: Tumblr) handles nuance. 

Literally no one who follows me is going to know what this means, but HBomberguy, a Youtuber known for Video Essays about pop culture and gaming made a promise that he would live stream himself playing Donkey Kong 64, in its entirety (including picking up every single banana) and all money would go to a UK charity for trans youth (Mermaids) and his initial goal was $3,000 and now it’s been 26 hours into the stream and he’s already over $51k. I just need people to know about this https://m.twitch.tv/hbomberguy

they hit $100k tonight!

they’re now at over $140k! and for those who don’t wanna read the article here’s what it’s all about:

‘twas the night before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas

I was beating my meat

I heard someone knock

So I pulled up the sheet.

“Santa himself!” I said right quick.

“You’ve been naughty, and I want your dick.”

I was self-conscious but I knew this was right.

Santa gave me the succ on that fateful Christmas night.

You people are going to hell

Hell seems fun

Why are they like this

Can you imagine getting this worked up about an imaginary character that has literally nothing to do with Christianity/The Gospel? [And please everyone I know there was a real St. Nicholas blah blah blah that’s not the Santa Claus we visit at the mall and who is referenced by this emoji 🎅🏻.] Like smoke some weed and chill out dude. Or don’t and die of a massive heart attack at 50. ‘Evs.

Awfully presumptuous of him to assume that Santa is heterosexual. How do we know what sort of arrangement he and Mrs. Claus have with the elves? 

hold on… liberals hate him? since when?

Since they said so, right now.

They need to demonize their foes overtly and in the most cartoonish ways possible to smooth over their own casual cruelty and failure to live up to their God’s message of peace and love.

It ties into the whole “War on Christmas” which is basically PTSD from European persecutions of non-dominant religious sects which could be linked back to Nero, but more likely stems from the Protestant Reformation.

Ironically, what they really want is to bring that sort of BS here just with them as the dominant power.

So, what I’m really saying is that American Conservatives are built on a base of stupidity and hypocrisy. 

D&D 4e | “Timekeeper Saga” Campaign Finale Notes

“Passing into Legend”

At last, I bid a final and bittersweet farewell to my half-orc chef, giant-slayer, and Fey hunter Mathayus Saffron, who traveled the multiverse in search for the ultimate meal. Four seasons have passed since he entered the Feywild and encountered his destiny: he and his new companions would save the Prime Material Plane from utter destruction!

[Artwork by the talented Sherwinmay Bustos! PLZ SUPPORT HER WORK!]

Part 1: Countdown to Calamity

As a final meal, the gastronomist prepared mushroom risotto paired with pan-fried cockatrice breast. The rice dish was deglazed with holy wine blessed by Draken, a glamorous champion of the Platinum Dragon Bahamut, and imbued us with divine favor as well as divine flavor! For dessert, the mighty archdruid Dani provided a batch of goodberries with which Mathayus crafted a delightfully sweet and tangy sherbet. This final meal would grant them the strength needed to face down their adversary, who sought to bring ruin upon all of creation.

Part 2: The Dragon Armageddon

With stomachs filled with food and hearts steeped in courage, the party faced down the calamity known as Armageddon. Ourcumulative trials through the Feywild, Underdark, and Astral Sea led us to this final desperate confrontation with a malicious time dragon that wish to undo all life. With a sweep of its massive wings it could displace us in space and time. Its breath weapon utterly destroyed all that lay before it. And it casted reality-altering magics that relentlessly tore away at our bodies and minds. But we endured, stayed true, and fought fiercely. We raged against inevitability and impossibility, carving out hard-earned minor victories against the gargantuan foe, but our efforts were in vain. Each of the wounds we inflicted were undone swifter than we could keep up. Despair began to set in…

Part 3: The End of All Things

A ray of hope came shining through, pulling us closer to the finish line. With the power of our mortal allies, the combined might of the Timekeerers, and the full wrath of the Summer Court Archfey, we brought the beast to heel. Armageddon was bound by the most powerful of all time magics in conjunction with the highest echelon primal seals. In a fit of desperation, the creature flung itself and the party into a future that would come to pass, if we failed. The world had been torn asunder, with only ashen ruin in all directions. The world would be a lifeless husk, eventually crumpling into nothingness. On the shores of oblivion, we held our last stand against the world-eater.

Part 4: Fearless

Three times did Armageddon parlay with the party. Thrice it attempted to twist our minds into complying with its horrific agenda. And each time, we refuted and refused it with a burning fury. Bloodied but not beaten, Mathayus Saffron declared “YOU ARE A COWARD!” and allowed his blood to boil. He chanted the orcish war-chant “We rise!” as he LITERALLY WALKED ACROSS AN OPEN LAVA STREAM TOWARDS HIS FOE without taking any damage.

Part 5: Against the Dying Light

With the world collapsing all around them, the party unleashed their final reserves against the foe. In one last climatic clash, the beast was torn asunder by our unshakable will, and finally met its end under the shimmering steel of our paladin’s greatsword. Against all odds, we had stopped the end of the world. With this future now an impossibility, we were quickly warped back to the present, and were greeted by a brighter and more hopeful future.

[The above epic music playlist can be found here!]

Part 6: There and Back Again

At the end of the adventure, I barely recognize my boy. When he first hit the road, he was a brash, impulsive, and gluttonous youth who had little regard for life, including his own. He spoke only broken Orc-glish and lived in self-imposed exile. He entered the Feywild in order to hunt and devour whatever he wanted, environmental or spiritual damage be damned. But by the end, he had achieved his dream, and found some new ones along  the way. Now he was a world-traveler, master chef, titanslayer, dragonrider, a guardian of the Feywild, and a family man.

Big mood.

my type of public transportation 

“Why were you late in today?”

“Oh, I got tied up on the subway…”

I was always 50/50 on whether to reblog this but the last comment pushed it to like 95/5 in favor.

“What’s our stop?”

“You’ll get off when I tell you to.”

you people are the most fucking exhausting i swear it

Quick Poll

I need to prove a point.

Like if your definition of “Spork” is this:

Reblog if your definition of “Spork” is this:

what the fuck is that double sided bitch

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of this tumblr wank – from callout culture to people policing villain fans – based on the idea that people can’t change, is baked right into the architecture of tumblr itself in some capacity. 

We can’t edit posts in a meaningful way. A post is just a snapshot moment in time, unmoored from the timeline by a lack of timestamp, which can take off with reblog upon reblog, with added commentary utterly decontextualizing it. But any edits or clarifications added by the OP are left behind, unless you dig through the post notes (which most people will not). Followups are lost. 

And because of that, we don’t have any concept of time passed or the potential for growth. 

All we witness is an idea by an individual in a single moment, separated from the context of any conversation or event that idea may have been responding to, or the person’s background and character, or changes in their thoughts over time and their capacity for growth. And this all feeds right into this fucked up notion tumblr has that human beings are somehow static; that a bad take from 2008 means someone HAS to be a monster in 2018. That redemption or atonement or the ability to evolve as a person is somehow a scam. 

And that’s so fucked up. People are not static. We are not screenshots and receipts. We are not a paragraph floating around on the internet, bounced from reblog to reblog like a piece of driftwood buffeted by a storm, dredged up periodically from the depths to circulate again. We change. 

We grow. 

I just wish this platform were better able to showcase that fact and remind us of it. I’d like to think we’d all be a little kinder to one another if it did. 

I’ll also be streaming dog/wolf-themed games on my Twitch Channel to raise funds! If donations are too steep of a price, every little BIT and SUB helps too!

Any and all overflow shall be donated to the local humane society, to help other furry, scaly, and feathered critters get healthy and find homes!

Thor: god of weird storytelling in weirder situations

pEOPle WHO CAN WRITE…

PEOPLE whO CAN dRAW…

PEoPLE WHo CAN wriTE AND DRaW…

PEOPLE WHO CAN…

PEOPLE WHO CAN CAN…

CANS THAT CAN CAN…

And then there’s me:

This last GIF. I’m in love.

I’ll 👏 ship 👏 whatever 👏 the 👏 fuck 👏 I 👏 want 👏 thanks

Actually 👏 many 👏 postal 👏 services👏 have 👏 rules 👏 and 👏 regulations 👏 on 👏 what 👏 you 👏 can 👏 and 👏 cannot 👏 ship 👏 many 👏 regulations 👏 depend 👏 on 👏 the 👏 destination 👏 weight 👏 and 👏 content 👏