time to stop pretending i'm just here to read

True

Husband's grandmother was Elmo.

My father in law is named Kermit.

You do still occasionally see guys named Bert, or sometimes even Ernie. You can meet a guy named Harry and nobody's first thought on hearing his name is going to be Herry Monster. But Grover, Kermit, and Elmo are now forever the Muppet characters and nothing else.

Uncle Deadly, next question.

This has ignored a fierce debate in my marriage. I'm advocating for Big Bird, whereas my wife is making the case for Rwolf the dog.

Big Bird is only six, therefore ineligible. Rowlf is a bold choice. Also thinking about Clifford.

The only Muppet we've ever seen demonstrate strong ongoing leadership qualities, by wrangling several wildly disparate personalities into giving consistently excellent performances, is Dr. Teeth.

He wouldn't want to be president, but arguably that's a point in his favor.

Overheard as I passed a parked car: “would Kermit be Franknfurter?”

OBVIOUSLY he’s brad. gonzo is frank.

hang on i gotta do the rest of this.

you COULD let brad and janet be the token humans, as that would free up kermit and piggy for riff raft and magenta. janice is columbia, scooter is dr. scott, rowlf is eddie. fozzie is the criminologist and he keeps making the callback jokes for his own lines. rocky could be another token human, or Sweetums.

Rocky is the token human I can’t believe this is up for discussion

Kermit is Dr. Frank-n-Frogger. At least according to Tom Smith's epic "Rocky Horror Muppet Show."

The script seems to have been taken down, but there are two recordings of various excerpts on his bandcamp:

I'd say "click at your own risk", but if you're already talking about Rocky Horror and Muppets, you're probably fine.

jim henson, frank oz & don sahlin showing off how to make various characters with a “whatnot/anything” muppet, 1969

Dream muppet recast:

Rizzocrantz and Gonzostern Are Dead

YES

A Muppets ad from 1963, placed by Jim Henson.

“all hail them for they doeth real swell things”

i love this so much

[Yes, I had to do it. Yes, all the voices are me. Lyrics under the cut.]

Keep reading

This is actually how the unknowing starts

@animatedamerican

you get me the best presents

The Mighty Nein, a summary: A band of Misfits and Goblins, and Half-Orcs... and... Caduceus.

yeah, Caduceus is the Gonzo of the group 

fur, tooth, and claw: rise of the muppetborn

this is horrifying and I love it beyond anything

I would accept this.

IT GOT BETTER!!!

First … @true0neutral

Second: I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE.

SHRIEK

ME, A NORMAL CONTRIBUTOR TO FANDOM: So let’s talk about the pedagogical implications Thanos’s snap would have on the Sesame Street curriculum within the greater MCU.

I don’t know how pedagogical it is, but I guess now I’m thinking about Bert sitting alone in a room, missing Ernie.

That is absolutely the emotional core of what a post-Snap episode of Sesame Street would be about (I feel like Bernice would be missing too, and Bert would try to play chess with Rubber Duckie?), but for the episode to function there needs to be something they’re teaching the audience besides ennui, and that is where I’m really stuck.

Because the emotional core wouldn’t stick if it’s not supported by the structure of the show! But it seems like the Snap destroys basically all structures in place. But that makes the structure of Sesame Street that much more necessary. And then I spiral like this for a while.

Disclaimer: I have not watched a full episode of Sesame Street in a long time

Big Bird has been waiting for the store to open for a very long time now. He’s a patient bird, and he knows about waiting his turn, but his watch has the big hand on the three and the little hand on the nine and he’s pretty sure that Alan usually open the store when the little hand is on the seven.

Finally, when the little hand goes all the way to the four, the door opens.

“Hi, Big Bird,” Chris says, his eyes red and puffy. “We aren’t going to open the store today.”

Big Bird doesn’t understand; Hooper’s store opens every day. “Why aren’t you opening the store, Chris?” Big Bird asks. “I need beakpaste, I’m all out.”

Chris just looks sad. “Big Bird, did you hear about The Snap?”

“No,” Big Bird says, and the way Chris is talking is very scary. He feels like he might need to sit down. “I don’t even know how to snap!”

Chris steps out form behind the door and gestures for them to sit on the stoop. When they’re settled, Chris takes a deep breath before he speaks. “Well, a bad man named Thanos came to Earth. Do you know about Thanos?”

“Yes,” Big Bird nods He heard some of the grownups saying that name. “He fought with the Avengers.”

“That’s right,” Chris says. “And the Avengers lost their fight. Sometimes, even when grownups try really hard, they can’t do all the things they want to do, and sometimes that means that bad things happen.”

“Did a bad thing happen?”

“Yes,” Chris says, taking Big Bird’s wing in his hand. “Because of Thanos, a lot of people are missing. And Alan is one of them.”

Big Bird has to think about that for a moment. He went missing one time, when he was a blue bird in a circus, but his friends found him and brought him home. But something about Alan’s face tells Big Bird that this isn’t the kind of missing where your friends can find you.

“Is Alan dead, Chris?” Big Bird asks. “I remember when Mr. Hooper died.”

“The honest answer is that we don’t know. He might be. Or he might just be missing.”

Big Bird tries to understand that. “Missing?”

“Yeah,” Chris says. “He might come back some day, and he might not. We just don’t know.”

Big Bird wants to cry. He loves Alan, and he doesn’t want any of his friends to be missing. “Is anyone else missing?”

“Yes,” Chris says. “Some of your friends may be, or their parents, or yours cousins and uncles and aunts. A lot of people are. And it’s very scary.”

“What can we do?”

Chris is crying a little, a few small tears pooling at the side of his eyes, and Big Bird wants to do something, wants to say something, but he kinda feels like crying too, and doesn’t know what will help. “I don’t know,” Chris says. “I think the only thing we can do is be here for each other, and love each other, and take care of each other. When things are scary, and when bad things happen, the most important thing to do is look around at the people who are still here, and try to do your best for them.”

Big Bird nods. “Hey Chris?”

“Yeah, Big Bird?”

“Do you want a hug?”

Chris nods. “I would very much like a hug, thank you.”

Big Bird does the only thing he knows how to do; he opens his wings and wraps them around Chris, doing his best to be there for the people who are still with him.

I hate my brain sometimes.

Because it pointed out within about four seconds:  The worst part of this is that they’d have to decide which muppet characters went missing after the Snap based partially on which muppeteers did.

brain, why are you like this.

watch this boy’s face split in half revealing an impressive collection of deadly razor sharp teeth

Fizzgig!

FIZZGIG

@chiribomb

Ohhhh my gosh ohhhhhhhhh my gosh

LES MATZARABLES

@meravhoffman !!!

“Stay with her, Wembly.  This might not have a happy ending.” “I’m feeling kind of giddy. You know what that means, right?”  “We’re running out of air.”

THIS IS A KID’S SHOW!

OH MAN

OH MAN THIS ONE

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS ONE

I AM SO HERE TO TALK ABOUT THIS ONE! Who starts? Do you talk first? Do I talk first?  I guess I’ll kick it off with Boober’s verse in their song:  “You work all night You work all day You still can’t keep those worried blues away.” Which, like, #mood, but also this is a kid’s show

Boober coping better than Red with being terrified because he’s always terrified

“What do you think it’s like to die?” “I don’t know, Red. I don’t think anybody does.”

and I mean ... yes, this is a kids’ show.  But it’s also a Jim Henson show, and Jim Henson was one of those rare adults who understood that kids have thoughts and fears about death and almost nobody will talk to them about it.  And he did that.

“Stay with her, Wembly.  This might not have a happy ending.” “I’m feeling kind of giddy. You know what that means, right?”  “We’re running out of air.”

THIS IS A KID’S SHOW!

OH MAN

OH MAN THIS ONE

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS ONE