My life as a 'bossy and emotional' woman in law

When I sat down to write this piece I wasn’t certain where it would take me, but it has been a very personal cathartic exercise looking back over the last 20-years.

When completing my studies, numerous young ambitious women who wanted to become lawyers surrounded me. It was only when I entered the workplace I began to understand the challenges I would face as a woman in what was then still a very male dominated environment.

I was young, single and still living at home and therefore able to throw myself completely into my career working long hours; the 24/7 work ethic didn’t faze me and I thrived – work was everything, I was single-minded, determined and when I saw an opportunity, I seized it. 

I joined Barnes and Partners as a trainee solicitor and at that time although the partnership was mostly men there were two female partners, both juggling their careers and families. Fortunately, I had found a firm that were already embracing women at a senior level and I was able to climb the ladder, managing a department, managing a branch office, becoming a partner and then recently taking on the role of Managing Partner.

That sounds so simple but it wasn’t always plain sailing. I was trying to develop a name and reputation for myself and whilst I was receiving support in-house, I realised fairly quickly that I was subject to intense scrutiny being judged on my appearance and having to prove my worth, much more so I felt than male colleagues. One of my biggest challenges was developing connections, as a woman I wasn’t welcome to join the ‘bloke culture’ of men only drinks down the pub after work, or talk business over a game of golf. At networking opportunities, I was all too often the token woman in the room and older more established businessmen just saw me as too young to be a qualified solicitor and disregarded anything I had to say. This was such a frustrating time in my career but I realised that I had no option but to prove my worth, so I set about being different to the other solicitor options in my area. I would be the new young face of the law, approachable, knowledgeable and friendly. 

Having firmly established my career, I then in my early 30s found time for my personal life; married and started a family. I had no idea how challenging the next 10 years would be. All working parents struggle with balancing their personal and professional lives but in the legal profession time spent in the office is still seen as a powerful indicator of work commitment and this clashes directly with family life. I am unable to work the same hours in the office that I did before I had a family; that’s not to say I don’t work the same hours but I now take work home with me and fit it around the children and their activities.

I have just celebrated 15 years of marriage and have three beautiful children and life is a rollercoaster but I wouldn’t swap any of it. I’ve overcome the guilt of being a working mother, which at times consumed me and remembered I chose this career and love what I do and I’m good at it. So, what pearls of wisdom can I share with you:

1.      Home – everything starts at home. My parents are divorced and my mum encouraged me and gave me all the skills I needed to become a strong independent women, which stood me in good stead in those early years. Now, my husband and our families and friends provide the support network I need to do my job – everyone including the children empower me to keep going. A juggling act is unsustainable, so get organised and maximise your time and resources.

2.      Mentor – find someone to learn from and to lean on. Fortunately for me, the senior and founding partner of our firm has worked with me over the past few years which has enabled me to find my own way and to provide support in a challenging role.

3.      Acceptance – women are treated differently. Sometimes you have to accept it, because it might not be helpful or possible to change attitudes at that time. Embrace it, use it and move on! Get comfortable being a fish out of water. That is not to say, we shouldn’t challenge stereotypes and in a leadership position I strive to do this every day.

4.      Be yourself – this is by far the most important piece of advice I can share. Don’t try and change who you are, develop your own leadership style – I’m often referred to as bossy and emotional. However, I think I’m passionate and know what I want and I’m comfortable with that.

If you are interested in working for a forward thinking solicitor’s firm then do consider Barnes and Partners and get in touch.