Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Younger Self,

Sweetheart slow down! You’ve done well. So well that you need to inform EVERYONE of your success especially towards those that you feel may judge you just because of your journey. So what if you had a baby during your early college life! So you were a consultant at a professional services firm –in fact, one of the few consultants that looked like you, had a baby, and wasn’t married!  So what if you went to a college that most in your professional circle have never heard of, and so what if you grew up in Washington DC, no, not Capitol Hill, but “the other hill” across the bridge right in the Anacostia area, SOUTHEAST! Early on in your career you “covered up” a lot about your journey. In fact, you were ashamed to let people know you had a baby at a young age and God forbid that you weren’t married! Children are a blessing! You think your journey is different from most of the professionals you’ve connected with, so you’ve made it a point to let others know that you were just as good as them – some call it a “Chip” – you think it’s survival.

Don’t you know that if you work hard then your success alone will make noise – you don’t need to do this!

Today, you are perceived as a perfectionist!  You worked long days and long nights taking on so much work just to prove your worth throughout your career, to please others, and to gain recognition from others in support of a promotion. You work three times as hard to be successful. Hmmm…did you forget you had a son? Seems like you were more focused on obtaining acceptance from everyone that you sacrificed your time, your happiness and your family to achieve this “goal” or was it that you wanted your son to have a journey significantly different from yours so that he would be “accepted” in Corporate America? Both rationales seem to apply. You don’t need to get your sense of worth from outside of yourself. And why do you think your journey is so bad that you would be embarrassed to have your son follow in your footsteps?

Let’s revisit your experience. You went to North Carolina Central University and was the first person in your family to graduate from college –you did this while you raised an African American boy that you wanted to make sure did not have your struggle. You continued on through two graduate programs at Historically Black Colleges. You grew up in the same community that you are now giving back to by helping young women at-risk navigate some of the same challenges you once faced. You now have a 20-year old son who is a college junior at the University of Maryland! He would have done well at any school given his drive! “Momma don’t raise no slackers!” Remember the name of the school doesn’t translate into how successful you will be – and if that’s the perception from those around you then use your experience as an opportunity to educate them! 

Speaking of drive - you clearly are a driver –known for getting things done! Most of that comes from you being perceived as an at-risk youth and wanting to be better than average at anything that landed on your plate and wanting to prove that you belonged – that you deserved to be there! This translates into the resilient person, among the other things that you will become.

So while you think your journey is not the “perfect” picture, you don’t need to try and force the future of your journey to be perfect – nor do you have to continue to prove yourself. And guess what, you are no different than the next professional because we all have SOMETHING about our journey in common –the more people you connect with the more you will realize this. But Tasha it’s time to relax, time to truly enjoy the journey, time to focus on your family, and time to trust others who you have confided in to be your voice. Any perceived arrogance is truly the insecurity of not feeling heard, not feeling like you belong. I know this is hard for you because you have had to work so hard for everything that you have received – why would anyone want to help you? If you wonder what they see in you – they don’t have to be YOU to see YOU or to connect with you.

More importantly, it’s time to also focus on your well-being. “DEAD EXECUTIVES don’t receive bonuses” What good are you if you aren’t showing up each day as yourself because you are too busy trying to please others? STOP. This is a recipe for self destruction and unnecessary stress. Celebrate your success and learn from your failures as this creates more opportunities for you to learn and grow. And stop trying to hold everyone to such a high standard simply because you feel you aren’t living up to yours. You will arrive!

And finally, you are so vocal about not wanting to grow up to be like your mother, You must  remember the painful sacrifices that your mother made. This has shaped you into the successful woman and loving mother that you are today –she has given you God’s greatest gift of life. So THANK HER from time to time for being the mother she was and is today.

Be true to yourself and stop caring about what others think of you! And when life seems unfair, just know that your current situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come!

Tasha, SHARE, not SHAME your journey and continue to use it as a platform to inspire others!

Love,

Yourself