Women Breaking the Glass Ceiling: Her Name Is Sowdamini

I have been dreaming of writing stories of inspiring women for years. Women that live silently resilient lives. Women that young girls should hear about. And as much as I enjoy reading the biographies of the Fortune 100 CEOs and the remarkable firsts who made history, the stories I aim to tell are different. They’re a tribute to those out there, who have not been called out for their incredible journey. The heroines who grew their own wings and flew without applause. Like Sowdamini.

Sowdamini was the first to applaud my mom’s long invisible story, soon after I published it on Linkedin. So, with fate’s magic wand, my mom’s story took me to hers. The moment we met I knew she was special. Sowdamini meant lightning in Indian, and light was the first thing I saw in her eyes. Her eyes housed suffering and joy together. They were both fearless and vulnerable. They were the type of eyes that could cry both because of pain and happiness. Eyes that for sure have been a witness to a story like hers. And only when you hear her story, you feel the meaning of this in your bones. You don’t only want to meet her, but you want to tell her story to all the young girls who chase a little light of their own. This is all Sowdamini wants you to do. To tell them that there is light and there will always be.

Sowdamini, or as they call her Mini, is a woman with a big heart & soul. A heart and soul that never gets tired of chasing the light. Her eyes shine and her voice trembles, every time she talks about another bump in her life. A bump that could as well have stopped her, but instead made her jump higher. As she talks about challenge after challenge, I can’t help but think of her as a superhero with a lightning symbol on her badge. And her superpower is turning every obstacle that comes on her way to a light source to take her where she wants to go. As she says in her own words “You can do anything you set your mind to, but it takes action, perseverance, and facing your fears”. So shows her story.

Tadikonda, Dancing In the Dreams

Sowdamini was born in a rural village called Tadikonda in the south of India. It was a conservative small town where the word independence didn’t exist for women. The people of Tadikonda village at the time, truly believed women had a place, and the place was called “home”. 

It was simple. Girls were fragile. Girls needed protection. Girls were called from home. Girls needed to be home.

Sowdamini’s father was a farmer who grew up in this culture. So, he raised Sowdamini with the codes he believed were unquestionable. With the codes of village Tadikonda. Her mom… she was translucent. She just passed the same expectations that made her path, to Sowdamini.

Sowdamini did not want to take that path, because she witnessed once where it ends. But also, she didn’t see any other options.

Her father was barely making ends meet. So, it was all about surviving in their home. Neither of her parents finished their education and they had no exposure to the outside world of possibilities. She had a few relatives who were living in the city as doctors and businessmen. However, they did not think it was right to give a hand to her. They believed status came from “the father” and if your father could not provide you the education, it was better to not get it. In a way, they were afraid of breaking the rightful pattern of fate by interrupting it and pushing Sowdamini out of where she belonged. So, in the absence of an alternative path, she had to construct her own.

She worked really hard. At home, it was all about survival. At school, it was all about Sowdamini. Sowdamini was at top of her class. Sowdamini was great at sports. Sowdamini could do anything. Only if you give her the chance.

Among all, there was one thing special that made her heart shine. It was dancing. Starting from elementary school she loved Indian Classical Dancing. It was a type of theatrical dance that needs rigorous training to achieve perfection. For Sowdamini, it was effortless. It came from her soul, from deep inside. She wouldn’t only dance but also do choreographies. She lived with it and she lived for it. In her own words, it was soul-fulfilling.

She continued to study and dance until she was in 7th grade. 7th grade was like punctuation for many girls. The mandatory school education was only until then. The story after that was decided based on many factors like the financial conditions or consent of the family. Many factors, that didn’t include the child’s will. This meant that Sowdamini’s education stopped and with that her outlet of dancing. It was decided that dancing was not an appropriate expression when you’re an adolescent girl. So, she punctuated that too. She stopped dancing with her body. However, there was one thing no one could stop. Her dreams… Sowdamini kept dancing in her dreams, dancing against darkness, dancing for hope, dancing for possibilities of unsung choreographies. 

Worshipping the Books Under the Light of Deepam

It was all darkness for a while, but Sowdamini was persistent. She really wanted to continue studying. It wasn’t going to be easy. Her father was already financially struggling to support his son who was going to a middle school in the town, far away from their house. Sending Sowdamini to the same school would mean doubling the expenses. To start with, he would not be able to support both financially. So, he would have to choose between her brother and Sowdamini. If there was a choice, would Sowdamini have any chance to win? Why would her father bet on a girl, when eventually he knew she would end up at the same place: home? At “home”, did education make a difference? The equation didn’t add up for her father. Sending a girl to the town for education didn’t make sense on so many levels.

She knew this, but she couldn’t accept this. So, she didn’t eat, she didn’t drink, she didn’t sleep. With the absence of what fills her soul, her body started shrinking and the light that sparkled from her eyes faded out. Her mother always knew this girl was going to be strong, from the day they named her Sowdamini. Sowdamini means lightning and this girl grew to be stronger than lightning.

Her mother had to make a decision. She was either going to watch her girl lose the light or let her strike against the odds. She chose the latter. After fasting for 4 days, Sowdamini’s dream came true. Her mother convinced her father and despite the cultural codes and family traditions that ruled her out, Sowdamini won back her right to the game; to her high school education.

She was so ready. She knew the dream she signed up for wasn’t easy at all, that it wasn’t set up in clouds of cotton candy, that it was tough. But she also knew that all the obstacles and the continuous fight made her unbreakable. She was ready for her dream, and no one could take it away from her anymore.

Every morning, she was up at 4 am, commuting 3 hours to get to the town school. Despite the tiring journeys, her goals reminded her to bounce back every day and fuelled her to study every night. Although she had the energy, sometimes the night didn’t. With constant power cuts and no money to get candles, Sowdamini started using worshipping candles, Deepam, to read. Just as in the Indian temples, she used to make a string out of the cotton rubbing her two hands together and then putting the string in the oil. So, the candles that her mom used to worship the Gods, enlightened her way to study and became her temple.

With that little light, she absorbed tens of books through hundreds of nights. Whether it’s math, science, literature, she absorbed them all. And the funny thing is, after enlightening tons of books, there was still enough light in the deepam to shine on her heart. She was very very happy.

Brewing Power Inside

Throughout the years Sowdamini studied with laser focus and sheer determination. A determination that never got distracted. She took in each and every emotion that hurt her and used them to brew power.

In 1990 when she was still going to the middle school in town, her father got in huge debt with the burden of sending two of his kids to school. His creditors were constantly threatening the family. There was fear. One day they came to the house to take all that cost anything. All including Sowdamini’s bike and radio. The bike, she used to catch the bus to school with. The radio, with which she used to study. She had no idea how much of the debt these two paid, but she knew how much they took away from her by disappearing. There was resentment.

In the absence of financial support, she just didn’t know what to do. The only thing she knew was, that she couldn’t give up. So, she knocked on the doors of neighbours to collect pennies for one ticket to the school “tomorrow” and a ticket to her future. There was despair.

Still, she felt lucky every day she could take the bus to the town school. Even though she was eve teased by boys all the way, she felt lucky. She whispered her anger into her heart. There was patience. Patience that one day she’ll have the power to change this system. And until then she did what her mom advised, she looked down.

She also looked down, when she was bullied in school as a village girl who didn’t fit in. There was loneliness. And she used her loneliness to study more.

When she didn’t have anyone to help with her college applications, she ringed the doorbells of doctors and business people in the city and took advice from strangers. There was persistence.

When she couldn’t get into medical school for her degree, she did the next best thing she believed in and studied microbiology and biochemistry. There was resilience.

The more she looked down and continued, the more she shined above all. The more she tasted all these feelings, the more power she brewed inside.

WAITING FOR THE GLASS SLIPPERS

In 1998, college opened a new window for Sowdamini. A new window into the city, she has never peaked from before. She has seen the city girls flirting for the first time; girls talking about boys, girls talking to boys. She has heard about the “butterflies in the stomach” for the first time. It sounded like a feeling close to what she had when she danced. A feeling she had long forgotten.

As she watched the city girls wander through a new chapter of life going to movies and holding hands with their first crush that semester, Sowdamini held on to her books tightly, whispering to herself “she didn’t deserve these yet”, not until she catches up, not until she gains her economic empowerment. Until then she had to be undistracted and disciplined. So, she kept going. Every single day, she kept visualising her goals; once when she woke up and once before she went to bed. That was her ritual to make sure she would never forget them, and to get closer to them with every single blink.

She was so close. Her success in college impressed her father as well. He believed in her now, he wanted her to continue to study. All the family did. Her brother who dropped off school worked to pay for Sowdamini’s MBA. After her education was finished, she applied to the US with the referral of one of her uncles who started believing in her after her proven success. However, it was all too good to be true and soon he started not returning her calls leaving her dream half lived. After a moment of desperation, she bounced back and started applying to jobs in the US alone. That was her moment to fly solo. However, there was another obstacle. In the absence of the uncle’s wings, this time the family didn’t feel comfortable sending her away. In the end, she needed to be protected, the cultural codes dictated she needed a man’s shelter. There was only one solution. She had to get married. Sowdamini asked one question to her father “If I get married, can I go and work?”. The answer was YES and so the choice was simple. Like any other bump that came into her way, she was going to jump through it.

The family got the word out to see candidates for her arranged marriage. They asked her to give a BIO with her weight and height to find the perfect match. She gave the one document that she believed represented her most, her job resume.

So, there she was at 23 years old, playing Cinderella, waiting for the glass slippers that will match her feet, with the only difference that she wasn’t after a charming prince but an honest man who will enable her to meet her very charming future self.



 Mini Taking over the World

It was not too long when she found that honest man. He was an engineer who was the son of a well-known scientist. He was coming from the same culture but grew up in the city of Bombay with more exposure to the world. He was now living and working in the US and was looking for a well-educated life partner who shared the same cultural values. He didn’t only tolerate his future wife to work, he wanted her to be empowered. It was love at first sight of resume.

They got married and Sowdamini moved to Seattle in 2000. The western world welcomed Sowdamini with a shock. Everything about that world was foreign to her and so she was to that world. They were not even able to pronounce her name. So, she made it Mini. It was Mini vs the world.

She felt like a little chick peeking out of its shell, not ready to crack it open. Everything was bigger than Mini.

Her heart jumped, every time a delivery man rang the door. Her knees trembled when she was on the escalator for the first time in a mall. Using a credit card felt scary. Her hands almost froze the first time she saw the snow in Boston, as she neither had gloves before nor seen the magic called snow. But she did it all, she adapted.

Slowly, she cracked out of her shell. So out, that once her Green Card got approved, she immediately started working as a corporate consultant. She traveled between cities for work, alone. She learned driving and had the pleasure of taking herself on her journeys for the first time. She even lived alone for 2 years across Cincinnati, Dallas, Houston, Boston, Indianapolis, when she was 24. That was the first time in her whole life when she slept alone in an apartment hearing no other breath then hers. She had no one to protect her or to tell her what to do. No one to dictate what time to be home, which road to take when walking back from work, or whether or not to look down to avoid interaction. And only when she found the courage to look up, she knew she was independent. And independence felt strong.

Taken Over By The World

She worked hard for 8 years, learning more every day about the world and herself. She was happy but tired with the cumulative weight she built on her back. She was now a mother, a wife, a daughter who took care of her family, and an ambitious businesswoman. Her corporate responsibilities, her family, her kid, and the ongoing unpaid work of being a responsible Indian housewife, which was not at all adjusted by being a businesswoman in America, were heavy. She worked 24/7 with no time to hear the screams of her soul. The work loved her. Sowdamini was passionate. Sowdamini was energetic. Sowdamini delivered great. Sowdamini could do it all. And once work was over, the second shift started at home.

The more she devoted herself to her responsibilities, the more they asked from her.

The more she gave away, the more she was betraying herself.

Although she was proud of everything she did; moving to the other side of the world and walking into many possibilities she didn’t even know existed, at the end of the day she still felt ripped apart from her dreams.

It didn’t feel like “the victorious end”. Her soul was still thirsty. She was missing something. And she was not going to let the expectations of the world stop her from achieving the expectations she had for herself.  

Dancing with the Dreams

In 2009, Mini took a leap of faith. She decided to rediscover herself. She kept thinking about Sowdamini, the little girl with lightning. Her dreams and promises. The promise that one day when she was empowered, she’ll do everything she once couldn’t . It was time.

So, she quit her job and went back to India where the soul of that little girl still lingered. Going back to her roots, rebooted her dreams.

Although she was proud to be the outspoken businesswoman she was, she remembered she used to dream bigger. She remembered the little Sowdamini who half lived. So, she held hands with that young girl and took her out to complete her journey. At age 36, Sowdamini who has been praised by her teachers for her talent in sports, started training for the first time. She ran her first marathon and wore her first swimsuit. She golfed. She lifted weights. She hiked. She biked. She did triathlons. She lost 40 pounds in 2 years and transformed herself to be the active, strong, self-confident woman that she was always meant to be. Ironically, the more energy she spent, the more fuel she had.

Her training not only built her physical endurance but made her mentally stronger. So, she added an iron-made resilience on top of her sheer determination and went back to work in the US in 2011. The work was the same, but she was different. She was still hardworking and ambitious but even more confident, more outspoken. Soon she shined with her fearlessness in the male-dominated consulting world. She knew what she wanted, and she wasn’t taking no for an answer. She no longer felt pushed around between home and work. She felt she was in control. And that revelation she had, was too precious to keep as a secret. She wanted more women to come out of their shells and take control.

So, in 2016 she founded her own startup Gigglr, which was an enabler to juggle many responsibilities of being a parent while making time to enjoy your life. Soon her personal story became an inspiration for many women. She started a blog to share her journey. She did public speaking. She networked, joined forces with other strong women. She reached to VC's that are hard to get. She gut funding that was deemed impossible. She shined. Sowdamini was unstoppable again. She did everything she was told she could not. She broke every barrier she knew that once existed. Except one.

She decided it was time. Time to revisit that one thing that has been filling her dreams but depriving her soul for 20 years. One thing her mind practiced but her body almost forgot. One thing she knew she couldn't do, until she gained her full confidence to break codes of past.

At age 36, she started dancing again in LA. She took the stage performing her own choreographies that were undanced for years.

The moment she was on the stage, she was free and alive. She remembered how once she lived with it and she lived for it. How it was soul-fulfilling. How it was nothing but “inappropriate” as it was once described by her father.

As she danced more, she felt her wings grew more. As her wings grew, she flew solo. As she flew solo, her soul was fulfilled again.

And with the butterflies back in her stomach after 20 years, she felt...complete.

HER NAME IS “SOWDAMINI”

Her name is Sowdamini and Sowdamini means lightning. Her lightning is her superpower. And her costume is her soul. You see it right through her. Her badge and her wings out there and proud. You wonder where she gets this energy, only until you realize why is this all for. She doesn’t want to fly solo. She wants to make young girls look up and look outside...To see light where no one else can see… To believe … and to fight, until one day they come out of their shelters to realize their dreams, until they grow their own badge and wings, until one day they join to fly. Because the more superwomen you see up there, the more you know it’s more than a fairy tale or an urban legend, the more you know it can be real. The more you know, the more you believe you can achieve. The more you achieve, the more you tell, the more they can. The more we all can.

 Author: Tugce Aksoy