Effective Decision Making Using Emotional Regulation

Do you ever catch yourself regretting a decision you’ve made, personally or professionally, wishing you had made it differently?  Often, our decisions are influenced by outside factors such as, high emotions over a specific workplace event, infringements to our internal value structure, concern over illnesses of aging parents; or even, being laid off. Each of these situations places us in an emotional state that can affect decision making for the next actions you will take. It is not uncommon for those who have been confronted with decisions in a abrupt timeframe to state they felt intense confusion or paralysis, unable to make an effectual, if not heartfelt decision. Even with a short 'window' for decision making, how could they have been more effective? Use emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation is the process of distinguishing, organizing, and resolving situations that allow your emotions to be a useful and productive element of individual reasoning abilities .  To “regulate” an emotion does not mean you ignore it or intensify it.  Many researchers define emotional regulation as the ability to augment or reduce emotions when necessary. Other researchers use a broader definition of emotional regulation.  These researchers see emotion regulation as a expansive set of skills and capacities that help keep the emotional system from being overwhelmed and healthy. It's also in use with first responders in crisis and disaster aid. They are given training in emotional regulation so they can be calmly operational as the emergency personnel for assistance along with their respective defined responsibilities.

How do you gain the skills of emotional regulation? It takes practice, but using these guidelines should help:

• Accept the conditions of the situation you are in at the present. Valuable energy will be lost for effective action if you let yourself dissolve into uncontrollable angry outbursts, endless tears, or outraged finger pointing. We are making a distinct difference here of removing yourself or others from immediate harm such as, escaping burning buildings or eminent drowning. Rapid actions here could save lives. 
• Practice mindfulness. Being acutely aware of the present moment and who else may be with you at that time can induce a calmness for fair treatment of all. Often, attachment to past events and worry over the future removes us from the present moment, enough that you begin to feel disconnected from life.  Remember that emotional experiences are transitory.  Step back from the circumstances for a few moments becoming a inquisitive observer of the present incident. Many who have survived terrible car accidents report that they rose above all the Para-medic activity and loud noise to achieve a state of quietness. In many cases, this state allowed their blood pressure to stabilize, preserving their life.
• Internally tap strategies that have aided you in the past to resolve difficult or highly emotional situations. It's interesting to note that older adults have some advantage here. Studies have shown that older adults select their environments and prepare for emotionally intense experiences before they occur.  Possibly this imaginative run through is a reason why older people are less responsive to many emotionally arousing events than younger people. From their long experience at emotional regulation, older people have become deftly skilled at dealing with intense situations. They may also become increasingly motivated to use these skills as they sense that “time is limited now" Use it wisely.
• Know where your 'trigger points' are. These are the areas where your core values can be assaulted, either by action to your person or offensive language directed to you. When you know what triggers you to rage, utter resentment, or response to antagonism, you can better control how you will react. Recognize that you have a choice between your emotional response and knee-jerk reactions. To quote the author and poet, Maya Angelou, " I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." How will others feel after your response in this situation? Will you regret or feel embarrassed over what you did in a specific incident?
• Recognize when you are confronted with any type of blame behavior from others. Listen, without judgment, until you hear all of the information holding you accountable for some lack of conduct or performance. Know that many accusations are just assumptions or opinions, not facts. Instead of firing back reproaches, ask for substantiating data and schedule a later conversation around that information. Otherwise, you will be engaging in accusatory open warfare. Usually the outcome of these dialogues destroys any chance for later conversations and collaboration, especially in work environments.

When you are practicing your emotional regulation skills for decision making, ask yourself:

• What are the current conditions that keep you or your colleagues from solving current problems with rationality, reasonability, and empathy for all others assigned as resources? If they are not favorable, how will you change those conditions?? 
• If you know your trigger points, how can you remove yourself graciously when they are being criticized or condemned?
• What standards will you and your colleagues adopt so that all understand the emotional rules for engagement at work? Will you define language use of what is acceptable, or not, to conduct meetings and collaborative efforts?
• Are you and family members willing to suspend personal beliefs or unfair judgments, subsequently weighing them against facts when confronted with fault or reprimands?
• Does the current environment create a mood of positivity for you such as, your home is peaceful, the gym is fun, the office is supportive, all sustaining of mood of successful mindfulness?

“The appearance of things change according to the emotions and thus we see magic and beauty in them, while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.”  Kahlil Gibran