Don’t Ask, Don’t Get – The Fine Art Of Self-Advocacy For Women

Anyone who watched Gwendoline Christie on the red carpet at the Emmys would probably have known that she was up for the best supporting actress award. What some may not have known, however, is that, having been overlooked by HBO at submission time, she put herself up for the nomination.

The response to her self submission was almost universally positive, which should encourage women everywhere. Because while Christie, at 6 ft 3”, says she’s always had to break down doors to get considered for roles, many women in the workplace would be uncomfortable with the idea of self-advocating in this way. This needs to change. Because how do you get promoted to a senior position, selected for an important project or, indeed, nominated for an award if nobody knows what you're good at or, worse still, who you are?

Research suggests a key reason women don't get promoted is lack of visibility.

An HR specialist in the financial services industry I spoke to recently claimed women are far less likely to volunteer for key projects, offer to give presentations or broadcast their successes than men. Her advice was that if women want to get ahead they need to work on increasing their visibility with senior leaders.

My first thought on hearing this was: "Are these senior leaders we're talking about men?" My second was: "Is this just another handy excuse for not promoting women?" However, if it is the case that women sometimes miss out because they lack the visibility of their male counterparts, it's worth considering.

Of course, being your own cheerleader can have its disadvantages, especially for women. A study by the Lean In Organisation revealed self-promoting women are often judged more harshly than men. It seems women walk a fine line between making themselves visible and being seen as pushy. So how do women reconcile the need to showcase their talents with the potential downsides? And how can they self-advocate in a way that doesn’t cause them to feel self-aggrandising?

There are no simple solutions but here are a few tips:

Get your head around it

Getting comfortable about the value you have to offer or talking about how clever and interesting you are isn’t easy. The first time I had to stand in front of a group and talk about my accomplishments I nearly choked on my words. Not because I didn’t believe what I was saying, but because I felt I “shouldn’t” be saying it. Like many women, I believed that my work would speak for itself. But I worked with male coaches who would spend time at the start of a workshop talking about their talents, so I quickly decided to get better at talking about mine. It helps to reframe "self-promotion" more positively. Tell yourself it’s not boasting, simply showcasing your ideas or your skills. Or turn it into a story that you can drop into conversation casually.

Solicit others’ input

Ask your peers to help you work on your profile. What would they say about your strengths and talents? What makes you unique and special? Use their words and resist the urge to tone them down. I have written far better and more complimentary profiles for my friends than they could ever have written for themselves. And our friends or colleagues often see strengths and talents that we don't realise we have, or don't recognise the value of.

Don’t go it alone

Women are amazing advocates for others. The researchers Smith and Huntoon relate an example of a university magazine calling on women faculty to write in and “share their successes”. They received no replies from women talking about their own success. What they did get was an avalanche of replies from women telling them about great work other women were doing. Ask others to advocate for you (and not just other women). Broaden your network and look for mentors or sponsors who will promote you and your work.

Don't make it all about you

Margaret A. Neale, who runs negotiation classes at Stanford University, suggests that in situations like a salary negotiation you should find a communal reason for asking for more. Make the case for how your competencies will solve a particular problem or fill a specific need. She says that men can simply talk about their competencies but women are better off connecting their competencies with a common concern. (I have to say I find this slightly depressing but, if it works as a strategy in salary negotiation, so be it.)

Capitalise on your opportunities

When you are praised by your line manager for a particular skill or a job well done, take the initiative right away and volunteer for a similar role or opportunity to use that skill again. And when you have your moment in the sun, make sure everyone knows about it. When Gwendoline Christie attended the award ceremony, she wore an outfit that nodded to her Game Of Thrones character, delighting fans and press alike. As a result, she gained even more publicity. We’re not all headed for the red carpet, of course, but you get the idea.

Christie didn’t win best supporting actress on the night but being nominated was a huge win in itself, raising an already high profile even higher. She strengthened her brand, establishing herself as a woman who fights her own corner on and off screen. And the amount of positive column inches she earned can’t possibly harm her career.

So, next time you’re considering whether it’s worth volunteering yourself for a project or rewriting your LinkedIn profile, channel your inner Brienne of Tarth and be your own champion. 

Louise Crowley is an executive coach, professional speaker and the founder of BeSpoke, a communication skills consultancy. She specialises in coaching emerging and existing women leaders.