5 Signs You Are a Controlling Freak
Inga Kalnina
I’m Inga, a psychologist, extreme climber and success coach! Book an intro session now!
Do you find yourself meticulously arranging every aspect of your life and those around you? It might be time to consider if you have a tendency to control. Here’s a look into the psychology behind controlling behaviour, its impacts, and how to manage it effectively.
Understanding the Urge to Control Control as a Defence Mechanism: Often, the need to control stems from a place of vulnerability. Psychology tells us that controlling behaviour can be a defence mechanism against the anxiety of uncertainty or past traumas where one felt powerless.
The Influence of Personality: Certain personality traits, like being high in conscientiousness or having perfectionistic tendencies, can predispose one to controlling behaviour.
Signs of a Controlling Personality
1. Difficulty with Uncertainty Do you struggle when things don't go as planned? An intolerance of uncertainty can lead to the desire to manage every outcome to prevent discomfort.
2. Perfectionism If you insist on perfection and find it difficult to accept anything less, it may be a sign of control issues. This extends beyond oneself to others and their actions.
3. Micro-Managing Do you oversee every detail in a project, even when it’s not necessary? Micro-managing is a common manifestation of a need for control.
4. Unwillingness to Delegate If the thought of others taking over tasks makes you uneasy, you might be grappling with control issues. Trusting others can feel like a loss of control.
5. Strained Relationships A controlling nature can put a strain on relationships, whether it's with colleagues, friends, or family, as it can feel oppressive and leave little room for spontaneity.
The Dual Edges of Control Positive Outcomes: Controlled environments can lead to efficiency and high-quality outcomes. It can also provide a sense of security to the one in control and to those who rely on their leadership.
Negative Outcomes: Over-control can lead to stress, burnout, and relationship breakdowns. It can stifle creativity and growth in others and lead to a lack of genuine connection.
Managing the Need to Control Mindfulness and Acceptance: Cultivating mindfulness can help you become aware of the moments you are trying to exert control. Accepting that some things are beyond your control can relieve stress.
Delegate and Trust: Start small by delegating minor tasks. Observe the outcomes and build trust in others' capabilities gradually.
Seek Support: Therapy can be beneficial. Cognitive-behavioural techniques can help alter the thought patterns that drive the need to control.
Develop Flexibility: Embrace flexibility by challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone in controlled doses.
Foster Self-Compassion: Understand that mistakes are part of growth. Practice self-compassion to mitigate perfectionism. Controlling behaviour doesn’t have to dictate your life. With awareness and targeted strategies, you can channel this trait into effective leadership rather than oppressive control. Remember, the goal is not to lose your intrinsic organisation and efficiency but to find a balance that fosters positive outcomes for yourself and those around you.