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In Exodus 13:21–22, the Lord went before the Israelites to guide their steps. Though I (Jessika) couldn’t see it then, I’m convinced the Lord went before me during my final pregnancy. When intrusive thoughts simmered in my second trimester, I did my best to counter lies with biblical truth. But when worry and fear came to a rolling boil, I brought my concerns to the Lord. What was going on spiritually that I couldn’t see? How was I to pray? I lacked clarity and felt confused. Was it the labor and delivery I was to pray over? Was it for my child? I didn’t know what lay ahead, but I trusted that God did. On my living room sofa, the Lord guided me to circle particular Psalms and commit to praying them. For one month, I faithfully prayed those circled prayers and for my fear and anxiety to break. But when my son was born in our home at 42 weeks, weighing only 4 pounds, 14 ounces, I realized it wasn’t over; it was just beginning. At 36 hours old, Ezra seized in my arms—a strange twitching was followed by an odd stillness and my son’s glossy, vacant stare. Something was wrong, and I had to act immediately. My husband rushed to my side, snapping his fingers and clapping his hands, hoping our son would “snap” out of it. Feeling helpless, I began to sob. I called 911, but in the shock and trauma of our circumstances, I couldn’t even remember our address. I was paralyzed with fear.

When You Feel Too Paralyzed to Pray

When You Feel Too Paralyzed to Pray

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