Monzo Bank’s Post

THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN THE OFFICE *AND* WHILE PLAYING GLASTONBURY: - Looking at my Greggs lunch: "You want me, I want you baby" (Dua Lipa) - Talking to the office printer: "I will try to fix you" (Coldplay) - Trying to find the share screen button: "Why d'ya have to go and make things so complicated?" (Avril Lavigne) - Using the lift: "Push the button" (Sugababes) - Having to use Microsoft Teams: "If you wonder if I hate you, I do" (SZA) - When Greg comes in with a new haircut: "That don't impress me much" (Shania Twain) - Attending a 9am meeting: "Has it come to this?" (The Streets)

IT’S FRIDAY. Close the 79 tabs you have open, shut your laptop, and go outside for a short walk.

OFFICE RED CARD OFFENCES 🟥 - microwaving fish - sitting in my seat and adjusting my monitor - putting the empty milk back in the fridge - taking your shoes off in the office (flip-flops are an immediate yellow card) - not instantly reacting with the 'crying laughing' emoji to my latest slack message 😂 - trying to start a conversation in the lift - making a cup of tea for yourself without asking your colleagues first - commenting when someone pushes on a pull door - booking a meeting over lunchtime - taking a video call without headphones - not noticing my haircut - leaving your mug on the kitchen counter when the dishwasher is RIGHT THERE

DIARY OF AN... OFFICE PRINTER 🖨️ 8am: I start my day by saying some positive affirmations out loud: BRRR BEEP BEEP SHHH CRRRR 9am: Breakfast - toast with paper jam 10am: Everyone's swearing because I'm out of magenta. I don't like it when they use that tone with me. 11am: My paper tray 2 is empty if you even care. 12pm: Lunch - 6x A4 paper reams 😋 1pm: I’m stuffed (paper stuck in tray) 3pm: Another day, another person getting confused trying to print double-sided again. I'm so misunderstood. 4pm: Eavesdropped on some office gossip. Apparently there's something called a 3D printer?? Not sure how to feel about that 🫤 5pm: Greg wants to print out labels for his Vinted orders. That doesn't sound very work essential, Greg. 6pm: Time to grab some dinner and unplug for the evening. Good night!

Every desk is a hot desk when it’s hot.

THINGS YOU CAN SAY IN A MEETING WHEN IT'S HOT: - let’s ACync - sounds “cool” - big fan of that - that's Fab 🍦 - don't sweat it!

to the person who decided to put a bucket of suncream by our office balcony, thank you x

Budgeting tip: save money on expensive saunas by simply taking the Central Line to work.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE WHEN IT'S HOT 🥵 1️⃣ The one who's been preparing for this all year: they've been wearing shorts since December 2️⃣ The one that loves winter: refuses to be happy, complains constantly about the heat, got sunburnt on their lunchbreak 3️⃣ The one with hayfever: their eyes are bloodshot, it looks like they've been crying, their desk is covered in tissues 4️⃣ The one with multiple desk fans (and a handheld one for meetings) 5️⃣ Every Australian: in their total element, wearing flip-flops, planning a BBQ on the office terrace 6️⃣ The one who's still cold 🥶