For all recruiters and hiring managers that are looking for the perfect cultural fit, I’ve created the job posting for you! At The Matalegion Group, we believe in the value of transparency and you should as well!
🚨 Hiring Alert: Seeking The Perfect Cultural Fit! 🚨
Are you a team player who never questions authority, prefers “high-stakes” collaboration over quiet time, and thrives in a fast-paced environment (where your personal boundaries may not survive)? Then we might have the perfect opportunity for you!
Here’s what it takes to be the right cultural fit:
1. Positivity Only: At all times. Down days? Save them for after hours! We’re all about sunshine and rainbows, even during fire drills.
2. Flexible Hours: Translation: 24/7 availability. Because a “family” doesn’t clock out, right? (Seriously, we’re like family—just, you know, without those holiday gatherings).
3. Self-Starters: No hand-holding here! Find your way through a maze of tasks, emails, and acronyms, with no map and an unclear destination. Think of it as a fun challenge.
4. Low-Key Mind Reader: We don’t just want you to be proactive; we want you to predict our needs before we know them. Eerie accuracy is preferred.
5. “Let’s Circle Back” Vibes: Say it, live it, love it. We’re looking for someone who can attend endless meetings about meetings without questioning their purpose.
Perks include:
• A trendy open-office layout to really bond with your coworkers.
• Unlimited coffee (because we know you’ll need it).
• Constantly evolving job descriptions—because growth is key, right?
Ready to join a team that celebrates The Grind? Send us your resume, a cover letter, and a 5-minute interpretive dance expressing your dedication to our values.
And for the hiring managers who didn’t get this, yes, this is a joke😁