Dealing with dominant people

- Early in my career, I had one particular colleague who was quite difficult to work with. In meetings, they would override the conversation, becoming impatient and frustrated if discussion was taking too long. It was hard to find the space to articulate my points and be able to share my ideas. They were demanding, assertive, and naturally didn't create room for other people. An unavoidable reality of workplaces is learning to work with personalities different to our own. Here are some things that you can do to ensure that your ideas are heard. To begin, it's helpful to understand your communication style. Leadership experts talk about those of us who speak to think, and those of us who think to speak. Some people process information verbally. As a result, they can articulate ideas off the cuff. It is the speaking itself which is the thinking. Whereas on the other hand, there is the think to speak communication style. This is those of us who will make sure that we know exactly what it is that we want to say before we say it and only contribute to the conversation where the perspective has been validated. Unfortunately, the world of work is largely structured around the speak to think camp. Most verbal meetings are centered around this premise that we can talk our ideas out. If it's available to you, suggest going to meetings with ideas or discussion points prepared in advance. At which point, everyone then gets the floor for five minutes to share their ideas and discussion is centered around that. This has been shown in empirical studies to be a much more effective way to conduct meetings, and also it helps create space for all voices. If this is not an option for you, here's some other techniques that can help when dealing with dominant people. Step one, go into the situation knowing that you will speak. In my career, I've worked with hundreds of women who are dealing with this very challenge. I will ask them what their thoughts were before a meeting, and a huge amount will respond, "I know I won't get a chance to speak anyway, so I kind of just kick back." This is valid, especially if you're used to being bulldozed. But I suggest going into situations with the mindset of, I am going to find a space to share my ideas in this meeting. If we go into a situation thinking, I won't speak, then, well, we probably won't. Number two, respond inversely. What this means is if you're being talked at with huge amounts of detail by someone who's been talking for a long time, then reply with quick curt answers. A general rule is, the longer a dominant person is talking, the shorter and more concise your response. Use yourself as an example of clear, concise, to the point language. It is also possible to train people out of this behavior. I had a dominant character in my team who once went on a 15-minute tangential ramble. Once he tired himself out, I replied with a simple, "Thank you," and moved on. Three, blame the agenda, a perfect tool in everyone's toolkit. Go into conversations with a tight, defined agenda, stipulating exactly what the primary outcomes are that you want to achieve within a specified timeframe. Be the one who keeps referring back to the agenda. Thank people for their points and redirect back to what's important. Number four, avoid interrupting. This is hard, I know. Though interrupting will often just create tension, become incredibly observant for the small gaps in conversation. Listen and be patient. Know that first and foremost that your ideas have incredible value. Understand your communication style and try to work with it. Think about different formats and methods to ensure that your voice is heard. Maximize on email, documentation, and follow-ups to articulate yourself in a range of formats that work for you. Good luck.