Understanding conflict styles

- Asking for something you want can stir up some fear and anxiety. What if your request is rejected or triggers an argument? Or what if you're told your ideas are unreasonable or impossible? What if your conversation partner thinks you're greedy and self-serving? Now, these fears are understandable but to get ahead of them, I want to take a look at the social psychology of conflict, so you can really see what's operating. The Thomas Kilmann conflict model illustrates how people typically behave when faced with possible or actual rejection. So let's say you want to ask for a raise and a promotion. You've been taking on more projects and responsibilities and contributing value way beyond your job description and original expectations. In the avoid quadrant of the model, simply put, you don't ask. You let the opportunity pass because the fear of rejection is so high, you can't bring yourself to do it. So you lose and in…