Empathy in groups

- Empathy in groups that we're forced to join like those at work is nearly impossible and it makes sense as to why. We choose our friends because they are almost exactly like us so it's easier to agree and empathize with them. Some people we don't choose to spend time with like our coworkers, well, that's a different story. With that in mind, it starts to make sense as to why it's sometimes a little bit difficult to get along with some people at work especially if they're visibly different from us. When we're at work, we're in a group that isn't necessarily a group that we've chosen and we must find something redeeming about our new allies. The easiest thing to do? Well, that's too cling to those that do the same job as us or that look like us or have the same views as us. Well, here's where the problem comes in. If we can't find something relatable about our coworkers, it's significantly harder to understand them or their point of view and if we can't see their side, it's nearly impossible to empathize with them. The fact that we surround ourselves with people that we share the same views with in both our personal lives as well as our professional ones, well, that just exacerbates the issue. This is why the coworker that isn't as assertive as you isn't just a little bit less assertive, they're weak. and the coworker that isn't particularly warm or friendly isn't just kind of dismissive at times, they're disrespectful, they're rude and they're just plain awful. This is actually evolutionary. You see, we used to live in tribes and whenever someone or something that wasn't a part of that tribe approached your tribe's territory, no one was trying to give this foreigner the benefit of the doubt. They were unknown. Therefore, they were dangerous and what do you do when you're presented with some danger? Well, you either attack or you run. We still kind of live in those tribes but the dangers that we face don't exactly involve being eaten by lions or being attacked by conquerors. It's being made to look bad in front of the entire team or it's watching as a person takes takes the credit for what you did on a project. Well, there is some good news here. You can absolutely train yourself to be more empathetic towards those that are different from you and you can take control of a situation where two groups are at a standstill because neither is really trying to understand the other and the first thing that you need to do is to acknowledge your tribal habits. Accepting that you are inherently disagreeable and therefore a lot less empathetic towards the opposing group is key. You need to check your gut reaction against people that are different from you before you can proceed. The next thing that you have to do is to eliminate the group. A lot of the times, a lot more work is going to get done with less people involved and this is especially true when we're trying to resolve conflicts. When two people are talking, their conversation is going to be a lot more solution oriented. When 10 people are talking, that same conversation is not going to net those same results. Once the two aforementioned people have come to an agreement, they can then reintroduce the group to this situation that caused the rift. Each representative can then talk to their respective teams about what the other side thinks and feels. People are much more amenable to hearing an opposing view when it comes from someone that they can relate to. Here's an action step. The next time you hear some of your coworkers complaining about something going on on one of the other teams, do something about it. Pick a person that's a part of the problem team to talk about the issue with and be sure to communicate the issue at hand with empathy.