Coaching someone who is older than you

- As a younger person in the world of employee engagement and leadership development, I end up in a lot of coaching conversations with people who are older than I am. At first, it was kind of awkward, but I got better at it with a few techniques I'd like to share with you. In this scenario, I'll be coaching Lisa. She's going to be a new employee on my team, and I'm coaching her about how to be more collaborative in brainstorming sessions. Now, she's going to confront me head on about my age, watch how I address it and build value without tacking another decade onto my age. And there's one more thing I wanted to talk to you about, this morning's brainstorming meeting. - Yeah, what about it? - Well, I noticed everyone was coming up with a lot of ideas in the beginning. - Yeah, but they weren't good ideas. - You made that pretty clear in the meeting, but keeping that creative energy flowing is really important. - You know, no offense, but I've got a good 20 years on you in this business, and I know the difference between a good idea and a bad one. - You're right, you have a lot of industry experience, which is why I'm so thankful to have you on our team. But I have been through these brainstorming sessions before and I know that those half baked ideas in the beginning are where our best ideas come from. So, I want your help in the next one. - Yeah, what? - Do you think if you hear an idea you don't fully agree with, that you could ask a couple of questions and use your industry experience to build? - Yeah, that's fair, that's fair, I can do that. - Great, so when you ask questions the creative energy stays moving, which is really important to us. - Okay, okay, I can make that happen. - Thank you, Lisa. - Yeah, good. - Let's break down what happened there. First, I validated the other person. You're right, I'm younger than you and you have experiences I do not. This takes them off the defensive at least a little bit. Second, I complimented her. Now, it might seem odd, but someone who's bringing up your age is probably insecure about the dynamics of the relationship. Build up their confidence by acknowledging their value. Third, I built up my credibility in a specific area, I said, I've worked with this team and brainstormed with them before. Credibility isn't always years on a resume, it can be experienced with certain people, a specific program, a customer account, or a niche subject matter expertise. There's a reason you're in the position you're in, don't get defensive, point out where you bring value to the table. And fourth, I got back to the issue at hand. This conversation is not ending with a math problem to figure out just how much younger I am than Lisa, it's ending with a resolution about the original problem, a resolution that's going to help us all work well together.