You’re struggling to receive feedback without becoming defensive. What’s the best way to approach this?

1 Understand the purpose

The first step to receiving feedback effectively is to understand the purpose and intention behind it. Feedback is not meant to criticize or judge you, but to help you grow and learn from your mistakes. Feedback can also help you align your goals and expectations with those of your manager, clients, or colleagues. Try to see feedback as an opportunity to improve, not as a threat to your self-esteem.

2 Listen actively

The second step to receiving feedback is to listen actively and attentively to what the other person is saying. Don't interrupt, argue, or make excuses, but show that you are interested and respectful. Ask clarifying questions if you need more information or examples, and summarize the main points to confirm your understanding. Listening actively can help you avoid misunderstandings and show that you value the feedback.

3 Respond calmly

The third step to receiving feedback is to respond calmly and professionally, without getting defensive or emotional. Thank the person for their feedback, and acknowledge their perspective and experience. Express your appreciation for their time and effort, and for their willingness to share their insights and suggestions. Avoid reacting impulsively or negatively, and don't take the feedback personally or as an attack on your character.

4 Reflect and act

The fourth step to receiving feedback is to reflect and act on what you have learned. Take some time to process the feedback, and identify the key areas where you can improve. Make a plan to implement the changes or solutions that are relevant and realistic for your situation. Seek additional support or resources if you need them, and monitor your progress and results. Reflecting and acting on feedback can help you demonstrate your commitment and growth.

5 Seek feedback regularly

The fifth step to receiving feedback is to seek it regularly and proactively, not just when it is given to you. Ask for feedback from your manager, clients, or colleagues on a consistent basis, and specify what aspects of your work you want to improve. Seek feedback from different sources and perspectives, and be open to different types of feedback, such as positive, negative, or constructive. Seeking feedback regularly can help you build trust and rapport, and enhance your skills and performance.

6 Give feedback respectfully

The sixth step to receiving feedback is to give feedback respectfully and constructively to others, as feedback is a two-way process. When you give feedback, focus on the behavior or outcome, not the person or personality. Provide specific and factual examples, and explain the impact and consequences of the feedback. Offer suggestions and solutions, not just problems or complaints. Give feedback in a timely and appropriate manner, and avoid harsh or vague language. Giving feedback respectfully can help you foster a culture of learning and collaboration.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?