How can you balance assertiveness and empathy when leading a team?
As a project leader, you need to be assertive enough to communicate your vision, set clear expectations, and hold your team accountable. But you also need to be empathetic enough to understand your team's emotions, needs, and perspectives, and to foster a positive and collaborative work environment. How can you balance these two essential skills and avoid being too passive or too aggressive? Here are some tips to help you.
Before you can adjust your assertiveness and empathy levels, you need to be aware of your natural tendencies and how they affect your team. Do you tend to avoid conflict, accommodate others, compromise, compete, or collaborate? How do you express your emotions, opinions, and feedback? How do you respond to others' emotions, opinions, and feedback? You can use self-assessment tools, such as the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, to identify your style and its strengths and weaknesses.
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If someone suggests that you need to empathize with everyone, it's like expecting a police officer to be polite when dealing with every criminal. I understand it's not a perfect analogy, but I used this extreme example to emphasize a crucial point. The magic word is 'balance' - finding equilibrium between the pressing demands and the prevailing emotions, as well as between the ultimate project goal and the unique motivations of each team member. As a project manager, the better you can establish this balance, the more effective an executor you will become. Some general tools that help in creating a balance are resepecting differences, active listening, empowerment and timely checks. It's not one time effort. It's a process. 😊
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Cada uno de nosotros posee estilos distintos, algunos de nosotros (dentro de los que me incluyo) que siempre se nos ha catalogado como sociables y buenos para hablar, entonces si yo tratara de actuar equilibrando mi asertividad y empatía de manera artificial seria muy notorio (por lo demás los que me conocen lo encontrarían hasta sospechoso jajajaj), al igual que alguien que no es tan comunicativo y de un día para otro se transformará en alguien muy comunicativo y carismático, raro no? probablemente esas actitudes forzadas generarían el efecto inverso en los equipos.
To balance assertiveness and empathy, you also need to understand your team members' styles, personalities, and motivations. How do they prefer to communicate, work, and learn? What are their goals, challenges, and concerns? What are their strengths and areas for improvement? You can use tools, such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or the DiSC Profile, to gain insights into your team's diversity and dynamics.
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Seek first to understand, then to be understood. A sincere listening to the challenges and pain points from the perspective of our team instead of putting ourselves in their shoes as if we already know their struggles. We can’t devise a solution if we close our minds to understand what they are going through. Mind you, our team would know if we are genuine with our actions.
Once you know your style and your team's styles, you can adapt your approach to suit different situations and people. For example, you can be more assertive when you need to set clear objectives, deadlines, and roles, or when you need to address poor performance or behavior. You can be more empathetic when you need to build trust, rapport, and engagement, or when you need to support your team's well-being and development. You can also use different communication strategies, such as active listening, open-ended questions, constructive feedback, and positive reinforcement, to balance assertiveness and empathy.
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Julianna Moreno(edited)
In this post-COVID era, it can be challenging to empathize with someone on your team when they are merely a face or a name in a virtual meeting. To foster a more effective and empathetic team dynamic, it is crucial to balance assertiveness with a genuine effort to get to know each team member personally. This entails understanding their individual goals, recognizing their strengths, and appreciating their unique contributions to the team. When employees experience this level of recognition and support, it often motivates them to go above and beyond in their work.
Another way to balance assertiveness and empathy is to seek feedback from your team and other stakeholders. You can ask them how they perceive your leadership style, what they appreciate and what they would like to see more or less of, and how you can improve your assertiveness and empathy skills. You can also use tools, such as the 360-degree feedback or the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory, to measure your effectiveness and identify areas for growth.
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In my opinion this is a very important component to growth and improvement - seeking feedback! I often find the best ways to get feedback is to diversify the input. The feedback does not always need to come from the team or your leadership, seek others input on your leadership style. I also always recommend a Mentorship Program as a great avenue to opening up on leadership styles.
Finally, balancing assertiveness and empathy requires you to practice self-care and manage your own emotions. Leading a team can be stressful and demanding, and you may experience frustration, anger, anxiety, or burnout. To avoid being too passive or too aggressive, you need to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. You can do this by setting healthy boundaries, prioritizing your tasks, delegating when possible, taking breaks, exercising, meditating, or seeking support from others.
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