Here's how you can navigate challenging situations using emotional intelligence.

Recognizing triggers is important and I usually have patients carry a small note pad and record when they feel anxious or upset during the day. I ask patients to write down what was happening when they felt triggered. Many times these triggers are related to abuse in past relationships or family of origin. For instance, if a patient grew up in a home with alcoholism, loud noises in the hours before dinner when drinking began may trigger them.

One technique I frequently use with clients—and in my own life—is to pay close attention to the physical sensations we experience during difficult moments. By zooming in on specific feelings, like chest tightness or tingling hands, and observing how they shift over time, we often notice a sense of calm emerging. The key is to turn towards these sensations, rather than avoiding them through overthinking or trying to rationalize the discomfort. This practice can prevent the cycle of rumination that tends to heighten anxiety.

Managing reactions is important for good relationships. Try to go somewhere for a few minutes to identify what you are feeling. Sometimes a restroom or outside will suffice. Identify which of the core feelings you are having - mad, sad, glad, hurt, ashamed, afraid? Then identify the thought 💭 that goes with it. Then identify what you need to do/say to take care of yourself respectfully in that situation. If you are upset you can use this time to do 4-7-8 breathing to relax your vagus nerve. Chewing some gum can also relax you.

When someone is talking to us, it’s important to stop what we are doing to give our full attention. Even when we feel defensive, it’s important to keep an inquisitive mind. Don’t try to win the discussion by interrupting, correcting the speaker on details, or trying to defend yourself. Let the person finish their thoughts. You can also be less defensive by asking questions like ‘what do you think about that?’ or ‘what makes you say that?’

One idea worth adding is Postponing Persuasion, a technique from couples therapy, specifically the Gottman Method, that applies well in the workplace. If you sense resistance from a coworker, postpone persuading them of your viewpoint. Instead, listen and reflect their emotions and ideas back to them. Once they feel understood, they’re much more likely to hear your point of view and help you with what you need. Try it at work tomorrow! See if you can extract the essence of what your coworker is saying - ask clarifying questions if needed, and be CURIOUS about what they are saying.

My method I teach is each day try one time to take a few minutes to identify what you are feeling from the core feelings. Mad, sad, glad, hurt, ashamed, afraid…..Then identify what is the thought I’m having with that feeling? You will grow better at realizing when there is something you need, want to express or identify when someone is over your boundaries. Then in communication at home or at work, take time to describe what actually happened(what you were doing, what you saw, heard, etc) and attach that feeling. “And I feel —-“. (You are only giving information about yourself not using the word ‘you’) Then let the other person respond to what you shared. This is will reduce defensiveness and arguments.

Enhancing communication is key to navigating challenging situations with emotional intelligence. Active listening builds trust and empathy, while clear expression of emotions prevents misunderstandings. Non-verbal cues reinforce messages, and constructive feedback fosters growth. Effective conflict resolution identifies root causes and promotes respectful dialogue. Managing stress through self-regulation ensures calmness. These skills create a cooperative environment, improve relationships, and lead to positive outcomes.

When we are aware of the relationship we want to keep before communicating, it helps us to remember not to say or do things that would jeopardize it. If we are giving negative feedback, it helps to use the sandwich method by saying something positive before and after the criticism.

Try to show yourself compassion and you will be more patient with others also. Having support from others is so important for our mental health and well-being. Going to therapy is a great way to get support from someone who cares. If you do not match well with your first therapist just switch to a different one.