How can you create a safe space for dialogue?

1 Set boundaries

Before you engage in a dialogue with someone who is upset, angry, or hostile, you need to set some boundaries for yourself and the other person. Boundaries are the rules and expectations that define what is acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship or interaction. They help you protect your physical and emotional safety, as well as respect the other person's needs and rights. Some examples of boundaries are: asking for permission before touching someone, limiting the time and place of the conversation, avoiding personal attacks and insults, and stating your goals and intentions clearly.

2 Listen actively

Active listening is a way of showing that you are paying attention and trying to understand the other person's perspective and feelings. It involves using verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding, eye contact, paraphrasing, summarizing, and asking open-ended questions. Active listening can help you build rapport and trust with the other person, as well as identify the main points and concerns of the dialogue. It can also prevent misunderstandings and miscommunication, and encourage the other person to open up and share more.

3 Show empathy

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and imagine what they are going through. It does not mean that you agree with them or condone their actions, but that you acknowledge and validate their emotions and experiences. Showing empathy can help you reduce the emotional intensity of the situation, and make the other person feel heard and respected. You can show empathy by using statements such as: "I can see that you are frustrated", "I appreciate your honesty", "I understand how you feel", or "That must have been hard for you".

4 Use respectful language

The words you use can have a powerful impact on the tone and outcome of the dialogue. Using respectful language can help you convey your message in a clear and polite way, without triggering or escalating the other person's negative emotions. Respectful language includes: using the person's name or preferred pronoun, avoiding sarcasm, blame, or criticism, expressing your feelings and needs without accusing or judging, and using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You are being unreasonable", you can say "I feel frustrated when you raise your voice at me".

5 Seek common ground

One of the goals of de-escalation is to find a solution or a compromise that both parties can agree on and benefit from. To do this, you need to seek common ground with the other person, which means finding areas of agreement, shared values, or mutual interests. Seeking common ground can help you reduce the gap between your positions, and create a sense of cooperation and collaboration. You can seek common ground by: acknowledging the other person's point of view, finding out what they want and need, offering alternatives or suggestions, and emphasizing the positive aspects of the dialogue.

6 Follow up

After you have successfully de-escalated the situation and reached a resolution or a closure, you need to follow up with the other person to make sure that the dialogue has had a positive and lasting effect. Following up can help you reinforce the agreement, address any unresolved issues, provide feedback, and express appreciation. You can follow up by: checking in with the other person after a period of time, asking for their feedback or suggestions, thanking them for their participation and cooperation, and celebrating the progress or achievements.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?