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Reviews
What Lies Beneath (2000)
Overwhelmingly Underwhelming
To be as succinct as 600 characters will allow...here is what sunk What Lies Beneath for me:
1) Far too many plot contrivances, big and small. Multiple moments early in the film stopped me cold. They distracted me; I didn't believe them. It's the opposite of absorption. In quantity, they make a film feel longer. It was a poorly written mess.
2) The painfully glacial pace. Whole plot threads were an acute waste of time. As it progressed (or didn't progress), the slowness reached a tipping point beyond just wasted time and overlong and showed us how threadbare the plot and hollow the film were.
3) Our lead character-both, really-was way too dull to spend so much time with. Claire (Michelle Pfeiffer) wasn't bright or interesting. Norman (Harrison Ford) was very bright but even duller.
Claire has zero interests outside the home and is utterly at loose ends when her teenager empties the nest. My god, why did she never get a job or start volunteering or play her damn cello as her kid aged? Playing solitaire on the computer and gardening does not make for scintillating viewing.
If you wanted us to relate to Claire she needed to be...someone.
4) I was never scared, not once. If you want to give us a terrified character, the ghost needs to be more scary than vague and annoying.
5) To borrow from Hitchcock, you need at least a C student's understanding of Hitchcock's strengths and how to execute similarly. Rear Window worked and was suspenseful not because people spied; it's because they saw things that appeared damning.
Did the director and stars just sign on because they wanted to work together? It'd at least be something. But you still need a plot to hang it on.
The Strangers (2008)
Who says scary has to be so dumb?
I really don't understand the praise for this film.
Why, at the very start, does James try so hard to invalidate everything Kristen says? Why does he disbelieve her? Why is she so passive and slipshod about what she says? It's not just that someone in a mask was at the back door: They also pounded on the front door. Who cares what kind of mask? Is a Snoopy mask more reassuring than a ski mask when you're under attack, in the woods? Why didn't she demand to leave, immediately?
Why, in the first place, would you ever open your door to a stranger, in an isolated location, at 4 am?
Why didn't they take off in the car immediately after he saw the damage? Why didn't James call 911 as soon as he noticed his cell phone? Why didn't he floor it-or at least try to veer-when he saw the pickup truck coming?
So now your car is disabled, you're searching for the gun and the bullets, the attackers are still coming...but neither genius has said, 'Hey, let's use this cell phone right here and call 911, now!'
So, what; they just *forgot* they needed help?!
Now the genius best friend drives up-while talking on his cell phone-gets shot at and, inexplicably, puts the phone away, doesn't call the police, and jumps out of the car...out in the open, in the sight line of whomever just blasted his car.
That's it for me.
Filmmakers, you may think I'm too invested in their fate, and feeling their fear, to cut and run halfway through the film. You would be wrong.
Because these people are too dumb and passive to relate to, and they'll obviously be killed after more illogical/unfathomable choices. And no amount of production values or fixation on the music will make me stick around for another 40 minutes of underestimating my intelligence.
The worst part is...The Strangers had so much going for it: a great premise, a good cast, able cinematography. This could've been a chilling and believably scary film if the plot were smarter. If the script made the circumstances a little different and/or the protagonists were more convincing.
Who ever decided horror fans like to be irritated?
Funny Games (1997)
Sub-prime
I don't know why anyone sat through this film.
First, we presume Rolfi the German Shepherd is a very good boy. A family with kids wouldn't keep him otherwise. You should take heed when your very good boy tells you to beware of strangers.
If a stranger shows up at the door of your gated home, wearing gloves on a hot summer day...then, while you're outside, walks back in uninvited, with a friend, who wouldn't insist that they leave? No debate or explanation (common sense says don't argue with strangers) is needed; just calmly order them to go. They're unarmed at this point. But our homeowner doesn't follow through. Then, after their first aggressive act...no one tries to flee or get help, even when potential help presents itself.
We're left with two possibilities: They're an entirely stupid, passive family...or the whole film is contrived to a point of condescension, and this is just the amuse-bouche. Then, as if to settle all doubt, one of our physically unimposing, unarmed intruders promptly breaks the fourth wall.
Charmed, I was not.
This unfolds in less than half an hour. I love independent film and odd stories. I welcome subtitles and don't even need a plot to follow. But I've never regretted abandoning ship once a film strikes me as a pointless justification for its own (subtle as a brick) self-regarding metaphor.
That's more than enough time (without fail) to be certain a film isn't on the road to improvement.
Don't Move (2024)
Worst of the Worst
This is the worst film I've seen this year.
Trap is a close second (with, somehow, even more outlandish plot holes), but Josh Hartnett's acting in the last half-hour beats anything in Don't Move.
I have to believe all the people who rated this film a 6 or higher were multitasking, even tri-tasking; maybe on their phones while also making a great loaf of bread. Or washing the dog.
Without spoilers:
1. How sloppy is it? Watch Iris's footwear change. Somehow, in a film where she wears a single outfit, they can't even keep her shoes straight.
2. Was it so crucial for the lead character to wear layers of eye makeup (to go hiking, alone!) that it persists through water, sweat and tears?
3. Somebody parks your car in...yet the parking area is empty. Then they advance on you with a potential weapon. Would *anyone* stand there, motionless, not even instinctively back away?
4. We've all seen, and read about, many instances of tasing, which commonly fails. Tasing works best on bare skin. Have you *ever* seen a taser cause unconsciousness (here, through two layers)?
5. A paralyzed person winds up in someone's yard, communicates they're hurt. A full 10 minutes later, homeowner is still just *talking about* calling 911.
5. Police officer, after a distress call, finds a driver without a valid license (cause for arrest, not just a ticket), driving someone else's car. Openly suspicious, the officer inexplicably turns his back on the suspect, then fails to turn or draw his gun for several seconds, even after finding a weapon/zip ties in the car.
6. I thought I'd seen it all...but here we have an ordinary human pull out a whole 8" knife, driven through the entirety of their neck, then get shot-who still somehow swims at least 100 yards.
7. I happily give this mess the one star, for the genius stroke of casting Kelsey Absille, the most robotic actress of her time, as a protagonist who spends most of the film paralyzed.
In the last 15 minutes, we all laughed our heads off over her attempt at a blood-curdling scream. Probably not the reaction they hoped for.
When You Finish Saving the World (2022)
Maybe it's a movie...maybe, not so much...
Watching When You Finish Saving the World, in three acts:
1) I spent a half hour tracking the various caricatures and wondered, Is this film pure satire?
2) I checked how soon it would end three times before the 1:00 mark (pretty unprecedented, for a lover of small-moment indie stuff who doesn't necessarily need a plot, a concrete ending or anything uplifting at all, really, to enjoy a film).
3) At the end, I honestly wondered if all but the last five minutes was a cinematic PSA/day in the life piece on the ebb and flow of narcissistic supply. A kind of handheld mirror for narcissists and bit of validation for folks who navigate them.
If so (as a narcissist's kid), I salute you, Jesse Eisenberg.
The Perfect Couple (2024)
An effing sleazy Hallmark-by-the-sea 'mystery'
If you're hell-bent on watching this-don't. In the truest sense of the word, 'spoilers' aren't possible.
You can do much better, whatever your thing. This is not, I repeat not, a 'slow burn'; think endless choppy churn. You won't like or root for anyone (maybe one detective...but then you'll realize she stands out waaay too much by just passing for human). The twists are telegraphed, the wigs are bad, the glossy-gloss is weird and distracting. You'll want to rescue any actor you like from this.
OK, I tried. Beware: Your IQ will drop like lead.
If you can't be stopped, at least fortify yourself.
Take a drink every time Nicole Kidman stares out to sea. Or Liev Schriber gets high. Or you witness bad hair or makeup, embarrassing dialogue, poor acting, gratuitous F bombs, unbelievable behavior or a couple or entire scene that defies reason. Whichever...you'll be under the table, fast, and that's a good thing; it'll surely improve the plot.
You think I'm exaggerating, but Lordy, it's vapid...
Something's Gotta Give (2003)
Cringefest
Such a load of misfires, where to start?
How about the cringe cliche of the lonely, uptight, middle-aged, successful woman who falls so helplessly in love with an arrogant old chauvinist (in less than a week!) she can't stop shrieking and wailing when he behaves exactly as advertised?
I don't know which filmmakers overestimated more: Jack Nicholson's charm, Diane Keaton's acting or that the audience could relate to either a hip-hip mogul with an all-white crowd or a writer so pretentious she orders in French at a Hamptons market?
I missed the appeal of either character.
*Any* appeal. The bright spots of the whole film were the beach itself, a criminally underused Frances McDormand as Erica's (Keaton) professor sister and Keanu Reeves as the charming, sexy ER doctor who would've been the best romantic choice neurotic Erica made in her life.
This film is so embarrassingly trope-ridden the plot hardly bears mentioning-except, the ending is so telegraphed, cloying and unwieldy it might make a good compatibly test for couples. *That* was the happy ending director Nancy Myers thought we wanted?! There may be no accounting for taste...but I think I'm worried for people who actually enjoyed this cliched, superficial mess.
I'd bet money the number one reason there aren't more negative reviews is churning out 600 words about the lousy details is too much to ask for most people who endured Something's Gotta Give.
Worst uses of a pair of gilt scissors, beach stones and white turtlenecks in a film, ever.
Mammals: Episode 6 (2022)
(everyone's) cleverness is vastly overestimated
I guess we're supposed to be shocked by Amandine's what-the-hell monologue about extracurricular screwing, Jamie's retort of finger-counting devastation about the impact tremors and the double-twist ending (if you count the 🐋).
For me, not so much.
The 2 parts that *did* stun me were how closely the dog Spot resembles my border terrier...down to exact coloring and the fur bump at the base of her tail when her coat is long; did someone rent her out? That and the fact that 3 of 4 main characters turn out to be adulterers-and all 3 betrayed spouses react the same way, failing to confront their partner for weeks to months to a full year(!), while either disassociating, rampantly cheating or acting like an angry toddler instead.
Because if there's one thing the last episode made clear, it's that there are no adults in this room. And a beached whale is an apt metaphor for the finale.
The Drop (2014)
There are places in my neighborhood no one ever thinks about...
From the first shot of a receding moon and the Brooklyn Bridge reflected in a dark pool, The Drop pulled me in. This is, by far, the best film ever made from a Dennis Lehane story, (overwrought) Mystic River's Oscars be damned.
If you appreciate the art of small moments, The Drop is one of the better films you never heard of.
Tom Hardy, as lonely bartender Bob Saganowski, headlines a roster of note-perfect performances. The always-excellent James Gandolfini, Noomi Rapace, Mattias Schoenarts, John Ortiz and Ann Dowd lift a slow burn story to something special.
At its heart, The Drop illustrates Bob's painful unthawing. Bob shovels, tends the bar, sits by himself in church (all with a stillness bordering on meditative), till a battered castoff puppy and the woman who helps tend him bring Bob to life.
As cousin Marv (Gandolfini) notes, Bob newly gets a bit fresh. He chirps back at Marv. Swaggers a step or two when Ortiz's cop probes too hard. Bluntly asks his new friend if she likes herself.
It's a slow reveal more than a transformation; bits of his old life stirring in the new Bob, who has lives to protect. Someone who's weighing forgiveness.
John & Yoko: Above Us Only Sky (2018)
The Ballad Machinery in Action, Again
This would be a thin repackaging of 'Imagine' on film for the fourth(!) time, here, clearly, to keep Yoko Ono's mythologized PR profile as she likes it.
And there's the money of course.
In light of the many years Julian Lennon was forced to sue YO over his father's will, as well as buy back mementos at auction, his (subdued) appearance here is noteworthy. Was it a condition of the settlement, or was YO gatekeeping something he needed or wanted?
The fourth time around-and, every time-YO continues to prominently feature 'How Do You Sleep,' a hateful diatribe her late husband lived to regret...which YO and fraud Allen Klein contributed barbs to and YO calls 'beautiful'. It's revealing.
If you can ignore the flogging, again, of 'Imagine' (ironic in itself), YO's PR self-aggrandizement and obvious agenda items X multiple dull interviews with peripheral figures...maybe you'll like this.
You Hurt My Feelings (2023)
No, You Ticked Me Off
I just have one question: How many people in their personal and professional lives could have/should have told Nicole Holofcenter and Julia Louis-Dreyfus that the script for You Hurt My Feelings was very, very slight at best (at worst, annoying) and really needed a lot more work if they meant to make a compelling film?
The alternative is, neither had any better ideas (or offers, JLD) so they chose to coast on their laurels and under-deliver with an exceedingly forgettable film full of throwaway scenes and faint characters.
This film was so poorly executed even scenes that *should have* played funny just fell flat.
The best joke? Elliot is wearing a v-neck tee shirt (no cleavage) in his last scene.
Maybe Nicole and Julia should start seeing other people.
The Beatles Anthology (1995)
Epic Cringe Beatles
The best I can say about this film (not the music!) is: If you're a real fan, avoid it like the plague.
It ran on network TV. So consider how that impacts the storytelling. Also, the sign-off required for this whitewashed narrative from all four camps.
It was apparently drastically re-cut. What's left reeks of a powerless director and money grabs for a Beatle or two. It rehashes a number of false Beatles narratives, and not subtly. The Lennon mythologizing is strong, despite featuring many of his bitchy '70s bitter interview clips...a wide-ranging dose of finger pointing and complaining.
Many of the performance clips are overdubbed to a distracting degree: The vocals don't begin to match the video. We hear far too much from George Martin and, especially, Neil Aspinall, who comes off like a mumbler thirsty to elevate his role.
Did the director somehow fail to see all four Beatles come off badly? Was sharing 25 -year-old fresh gripes(!)-some revisionist and/or selective-used to get defensive present-day reactions from another 'brother' on camera? Or does it just play that way?
If you're after old performances and early Beatles pressers (often *hilarious*), there's plenty of good quality stuff on YouTube that beats this experience.
My two stars are largely for the fun audio clip of an early daylong recording session that really catches their flavor-going fast as hell, laughing like crazy with in-jokes and slagging off their bad takes, endearingly obnoxious with each other.
It's miles away from the rearing egos, posturing and pettiness that are rife in the present day interviews.
Anthology embarrassed me for all involved. I'll be shaking it off for a while...
Asteroid City (2023)
"I'm not in this"
The trick of a Wes Anderson world is just the right amount of distance. Far enough for its particularity and bright eccentrics to stand somewhat apart (the better to admire) but close enough to want to lean in and catch every aside.
For all its bright palette and period detail, the Asteroid City world is never complete enough to step into. The vibe is off, with an overwhelming feel of a half-built set with actors scrambling for purchase. The grounding of Edward Norton and Tom Hanks stands out so sharply, I had a childish urge to cling to their characters. What an ominous sign, in a Wes Anderson film, when even Jason Schwartzman seems to swing off his back foot.
The problem with Asteroid City is it remains diffuse; the center doesn't hold or beckon. Too many characters have too little to do. The world-building is an obtrusive scaffolding with hanging plaster and cords instead of a warm support.
The jarring elements (all the pistols stuffed down pants, sudden death, the nude scene to nowhere) overwhelmed Anderson's typical/inherent spritely balance: His assurance of dancing absurdity just below the surface of all havoc and calamities.
I nearly turned it off, twice, as I waited and waited to be drawn in. There were early glimmers from Conrad, the playwright, the trio of witches (*not* princesses!), then their grandfather, but the focus darted away. At 40 minutes I was done...when the plot turned, a bit, in the next two minutes.
Turned, as in watchable. But not very good. Not Wes Anderson caliber. A slight film that never focused.
Maestro (2023)
Scattershot
Sometimes you have to articulate your thoughts before you know precisely what they are.
I knew I disliked Maestro thoroughly; when it takes three tries just to finish the film, there's Clue #1.
Maybe, as much as anything, the fake nose is an apt metaphor for this mess. It may have been even more distracting than the plot was thin. I don't mind prosthetics, per se. But, here, what made it essential?
Bradley Cooper has a sizable schnozz himself. With period hair and dress, he could look enough like Bernstein for a biopic. It can't be a case of just going the extra mile for the likeness...because where were the brown contacts, then?
Was it just to signal his Very Serious Portrayal?
For the second time, a Cooper film leaves me thinking Bradley the (quite capable) actor does a disservice by directing himself: The overarching vanity that ensues leaves a lingering bad taste.
To give one example, I was so embarrassed by the scene where Lenny turns into a dancer shaking his bum in a sailor suit (while Carey Mulligan as his wife clapped like a seal), I blushed for them.
Why Cooper prioritized Bernstein's marriage to such a degree over the rest of his life is a puzzle. But the scattershot result is outright mystifying.
No West Side Story, or Stephen Sondheim. Only the most glancing take on Bernstein's relationships with men, despite the focus on his marriage and discord. You would never know the half of Bernstein's musical accomplishments, anything of the couple's political activism, or that he spent two years living as an out gay man.
What's left is an excess of frenetic big splashes (the black and white first act!), the Snoopy balloon, a lot of long-suffering wife trope and so much overacting it's painful to consider Cooper might steal best actor from Cillian Murphy (as many Oscar pieces note) because it's his 'turn'.
Zero Effect (1998)
F$&@ the Whales!
Writer/director Jake Kasdan nailed the key aspect of Zero Effect: He wrote the part of Daryl Zero specifically for Bill Pullman, who injected a soulful, bittersweet vulnerability into a character who might've been just a pile of quirk in lesser hands.
If I could cut anything, it would've been the droning expository monologue set to Zero's weirdness. If you're going to *show* us a guy living a shut-in's life, existing on Tab, tuna, amphetamines, PI work and bad, self-inflicted heartbreak songs (behind a line of deadbolts), what do you really need to say about him?
Daryl is a terrible guitarist with zero fashion sense, no regard for whales, an epic memory and astonishing success as a detective. Who finally, maybe inevitably, gets so caught up by a case-and a woman- he misses his own exposure as a real human being, beyond the research and disguises.
Pullman and Kim Dickens as Gloria Sullivan (arguably Zero's nemesis, soul twin, quarry and love interest) are so good, with an assist, even, from a dialed-in Ryan O'Neal, I can almost forgive the casting of Ben Stiller as Zero's hostile, snarky Watson of a straight man.
For all its slow-burn, noir-ish mystery-within-mysteries, at its heart Zero Effect is a character study, with Zero illustrating the principles of his ('world's best') detective work as he unravels the twists of himself, all to a sneaky-good soundtrack.
PS - Stick through the last of the credits to hear Pullman's full take of 'Let's Run Away and Get Married' in all its jangling glory.
While You Were Sleeping (1995)
They Don't Make Them Like This
Rom-coms are not my bag; 99% are utter crap. 'While You Were Sleeping' is one of, maybe, three I've ever re-watched. It's criminally low-rated here.
8 great things about While You Were Sleeping:
1. If you watch it again, and pay attention, you'll pick up something new. Like the whomping thud of a fall by the ice skater at the end of the Chicago winter montage opening credits.
On (at least) my fourth watch, I finally realized *why* Lucy has such a thing for Peter. It's not because he's handsome, or his clothes scream money: It's crush at first sight because he looks like her father, down to the bushy black eyebrows.
2. The soundtrack is sneaky-good, full of bluesy/old school R&B. Natalie Cole, Koko Taylor, Ella Fitzgerald, Lil' Ed & the Blues Imperials. Yes, it closes with a cheesy duet-but it's Daryl Hall and Dusty Springfield herself. Sign me up!
3. There are scads of memorable lines and one-liners. Everyone who enjoys this movie has a favorite. I'm partial to Jack and Peter's 'you suck' exchange in the hospital chapel.
4. Remember when lots of movies had real-looking people with real-looking houses, before the days when even a NYC teacher has to be drop-dead gorgeous with a $2mil loft? Only the rich lawyer in WYWS has a rich pad, and that's cool.
5. The leading lady has no vanity. She never wears spike heels or shows cleavage. Lucy (Sandra Bullock) dresses like lots of women you know: jeans and baggy sweaters, boots for icy sidewalks. As Peter tells his out-going girlfriend, "Lucy is *not* a bimbo."
Her hair is a mess nine scenes out of ten, and Bullock is so warm and genuine you love her for it.
She's also not taking the world by storm. Lucy is funny, adorable, sentimental...and the hot dog vendor she sees every day never remembers her.
6. Jack (Bill Pullman) is a woodworker! Let's just say I've known loads of craftsmen and lawyers in my professional life...and one creates things from nothing while the other largely takes things apart.
Most rom-coms have 'insert hot guy here' interchangeable casting, but Pullman is perfect here: self-effacing, funny, a little scruffy, with just the right amount of gravel in his voice. He's charming, a bit snarky-and he single-handedly redeems the film's cheesiest scene by facing the camera with sudden tears in his eyes.
7. You can relate to the Callaghans. If you've ever been shushed in church. If non-sequiturs and talking-over fly at the dinner table. Argentinian beef and nazis, tall actors and mashed potatoes. If there's at least one rogue grandparent
or mensch friend and nobody's perfect but everyone laughs a lot. You don't have to actually be Irish. Though it helps.
8. The supporting cast is pretty flawless all-around. Even the trope roles are lively. Jack Warden, Glynis Johns, Peter Boyle, Ally Walker and Peter Gallagher as a largely comatose, narcissistic, wide-eyed doofus of a one-balled squirrel-saver.
In the end, WYWS is more funny than trite, a low-gloss, feel-good film with a saving grace of quirk.
Karen Pirie (2022)
Karen is a pip
Browsing for something new on BritBox, I quickly narrowed it down to three choices for the 10-minute test: Karen Pirie, The Responder and Vera.
Unlike the first page test with novels (which can mislead), the 10-minute test for TV/film is foolproof. I only go wrong by overriding that quick take; 100% of the time, whatever gives major pause within 10 minutes is pitiful. Always!
In its way, the 10-minute test worked: Within 10, you know the flaws of Karen Perie. It's typically BritBox, where you get some cheesy production values, iffy music and a sprinkle of cringe acting in bit parts (looking at you, Gilly Gilchrist).
But I also dug in. Largely because Karen (Lauren Lyle) is a stubborn, crafty, uppity imp, and Lyle hits the ground running with her, joined by a better-than-average BF and puppy partner.
Did I guess one killer as soon as the character was introduced? Sure, but I can't hold it against Karen.
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Oh the calamity!
What a pitiful, ham-fisted attempt at a slow burn...to nowhere. I see awards on the horizon: for Most Obtrusive Soundtrack and Worst Blatant Product Placement @ the Tip of a Catastrophe!
I'm a fan of the 10 minute test for unknown quantity films. Given Amanda's (Juliet Roberts) grating, stage-y opening monologue, I very nearly abandoned this one at the 3:20 mark. Oh, to have a redo on that call! At least wait for Mahershala Ali, I told myself. He has second billing! Don't do it, people; don't wait for Mahershali Ali (GH). Of course he's good. But he's no saving grace here, because there is no grace. The good news is, he enters about 20 minutes in-the very bad news is there's still two hours left of this pointless poop. Denzel got out apparently; why oh why didn't I.
I almost fled again, minutes later, right after a huge decision was made. Because the film lost all credibility for me then. That's the moment.
Something unexplained, but clearly foreshadowing terrible things, had just occurred that was obviously tied to this person's request, yet: Two grown adults both failed to make that connection; second, their choice is entirely at odds with the power dynamic and proclivities of the people involved; and lastly, the new character is so pointedly telling a whopping lie it's inconceivable anyone would let it slide. Let alone anxious people perched at the edge of a crisis. But nooo, I had to stick around to see if Mahershala Ali (damn you!) was as mysterious as he seemed. Ha!
After overstaying, among other things, I found myself wondering what the chances were, genetically, that a brown-eyed mother could give birth to only blue-eyed children (hint: not good), and the height of flamingoes. Let's just say the plot allows ample time to pursue your thoughts.
Is the film trying to make a point about the dumbed-down, cynical, phone-addicted, helpless nature of Americans? Sure, but it dilutes its own suspense on the way to saying little about it.
The Curse (2023)
The more you see the less there is...
The Curse is almost unfathomably bad. Only Emma Stone as Whitney saves it from infinite badness.
Ever hear the dig 'He doesn't know what he doesn't know'? The lead couple are so wholly transactional, pretentious, entitled, thirsty, racially condescending, desperate, materialistic, deluded and unskillful it's like they have no inside. The make-up of 2.66 out of the 3 leads is sheer cringe.
And not funny cringe. A black comedy/satire that isn't funny. But it is dull, predictable, slow and flat.
If Nathan Fielder (Asher) can act, I'm not aware of it. Their producer is the most telegraphed, trope-y, dime-a-dozen reality TV villain I've seen in a while.
The killer part is, it's a terrific premise. A cringey send-up of hollow, gentrifying, buzzword-y transactionists disguised as bright-eyed, hip HGTV reality show eco-purist uplifters?
If not for Emma Stone, I couldn't have endured the pilot. Two hours later, The Curse is still an ellipsis.
The Killer (2023)
Why this?
Call me flummoxed as to why a director of David Fincher's almost limitless talent chose to direct 'The Killer,' among all the tantalizing scripts, stories and subjects afloat in the world.
Is it the equal-and-opposite reaction at play, after the ultra-personal 'Mank'? A calculated appeal to (especially) America's fascination with assassins?
I can't fathom it. If I admired Fincher's work any less I would've skipped it altogether, or possibly bailed midstream. Certain scenarios made me question whether Fincher was dramatizing shreds of 'Grosse Point Blank,' in a kind of satirical judo. A treatise on the hollow, impersonal, grey nature of modern life/capitalism, with an incidental killer?
How do you make a technically well-executed, unsatisfying film about an A-list hitman navigating a crisis that's nearly devoid of tension or suspense?
Maybe making a knife's edge dull was the trick.
Here, spending the duration within or beside a protagonist of almost entirely flat affect, led by his droning, repetitive voiceover is Ingredient One.
I hope, at least, it fulfilled Mr. Fincher.
Reptile (2023)
Even longer than it seems
Well, at least I didn't pay to see it.
What can I say about Reptile? Turgid is the word.
I don't even know what 'hardened New England detective' (Tom Nichols/Benecio del Toro) means in the description here. If that's not a typo...I've never seen a film with less eau de New England.
I needed three tries to finish it. Early on, there's a span of quick cuts for the sake of it, sharp as a figure skater sparking ice. They nearly gave me vertigo.
The twists are plentiful, and telegraphed for miles.
Benicio as Tom takes himself to new levels of deadpan. Which made me laugh. On the other foot, who on earth ever told Justin Timberlake he could act (and therefore try drama)? It wasn't me.
There is a noir-ish slow burn spare cerebral thing Reptile is grabbing for. But it lands like a stopped Timex in the punchbowl.
Monsters and Men (2018)
Snapshot of a Smoldering Moment
First-time writer/director Reinaldo Marcus Green drops a gem with this deliberate, nuanced take on the ripple effects of police brutality and racial profiling in a Bed-Stuy neighborhood, told via the responses-and weighty choices-of young, Latino father Manny (Anthony Ramos), Black policeman Dennis (John David Washington) and teenage Black baseball star Zarick (Kevin Harrison Jr.).
Monsters and Men is buoyed by almost unbearable edge-of-the seat tension, from the initial traffic stop to the last open-ended moment.
The precariousness of life (or the slightest mistake) for young men of color is deftly drawn, with strong and subtle performances across the board. Even as the constant, swarming police presence makes the neighborhood anything but safe.
Here, in the overlapping close quarters of a few blocks, echo the consequences of choices. What is the long-term impact of treating some people like lesser humans? What will the weight of your response to corruption cost you and your family? And what do the rest of us owe the greater good?
Monsters and Men nudges the conversation.
Justified: City Primeval (2023)
Just Outstanding. Next series, when???
I really give this an 8.5, but am rounding up for all the impatient fools who came here to trash the series after the debut super-size episodes dropped, furious over a single character-who left Detroit after the *third* episode! Silly, silly, dufii!
What was clear after those first two big episodes:
1. The series was front-loaded with setting the vibe and panning over the many Detroit players. It's a deep bench. Aunjanue Ellis, Boyd Holbrook, Vondie Curtis-Hall, just heartbreaking as Marcus 'Sweetie' Sweet, of the big ears. I'd take Wendell right alongside Tim and Rachel as partners go.
So, up front, less Raylan by necessity. More strut than menace from Holbrook as Clement Manzell. Too much of Raylan's daughter, Willa...who was acting out on a scale we could not yet fathom, or somehow, despite being Raylan and Winona's, was just super-dumb (Note to writers: watch the line between bratty and unlikable, especially w/a novice using a grating babydoll voice.)
The balance was a bit off.
2. But, episode two clearly ended on a pivot point. We hadn't begun to see the depths of Clement, but a glimpse said plenty was coming.
The pace was jumping.
And this is a new Raylan, opening up. Suddenly, he's the mellow guy at the door bust. One of the great aspects of City Primeval is we suddenly see Raylan as a real person for the first time: richer, less predictable...because he's stable now, still doing an explosive job. Trying to live through it.
3. By the end of the third episode, I was saying Harlan, who?
With Justified, trusting the writers has never gone wrong. I thought I would ache for the missing KY folk, even the old starting. This series was just too filling for that. The sharp humor was there, the turns on a dime, the Leonard love of a well-worn voice telling a memorable story. Sweetie & Miles. The tornado or progeny that got Mother Manzell.
Whole characters who were hauntingly perfect.
*Is* a hot dog a sandwich?
It will be a terrible, unfathomable crime against nature if we don't get the best of all worlds: The new, old Raylan in the old, new Harlan.
Eight episodes is not nearly enough!
Pretty please?
Full Circle (2023)
Patience, Grasshoppers
I came here to check the number of episodes...and was taken aback to see 177 ratings and three super-lousy reviews, 24 hours after the first two episodes were released!
Huh? That's like reviewing a two-hour film after watching 40 min., or trashing an online recipe before you've cooked it.
I think I will watch a bit more.
Three observations, so far:
1. Besides the cast, and locations, this has the look and feel (and music) of a really cheap production. Surprisingly so.
2. That said, I'm more drawn in, so far, than I ever was by Soderbergh/Solomon's last HBO/MAX production, No Sudden Move. Which (stellar cast be damned) was just abysmal.
3. More and more, maybe as a byproduct of cell phones and much less time in theaters, it seems people are annoyed by productions you have to watch closely.
Giving this a 10 to try to neutralize the haters. And cause that's no more whack (after two episodes!) than giving it a 3...
The Lodge (2019)
A Real Clockwatcher
You know you really disliked a film when you can't find anything to recommend it.
Not. One. Thing.
This may be the most I've ever checked the clock: six times, minimum, starting 40 minutes out.
Between all the plot hole and distractions, I was pulled out of the story much more than drawn in.
The father character was a walking failure of credibility. I'm positive I spent more time stopped to question whether I could believe his choices (or lack of common sense) than he spent on screen.
That aside...where was the *real* generator? What you'd require for a huge, remote house in winter to run your heat source and keep pipes from freezing.
While we're at it, did the weather we see match the story and circumstances of the weather?
When the 'twist' is really a genre shift (HBO's 1-sentence description was plain inaccurate), expect ticked viewers. Also, it was so easily sussed out, I had lots of badly-paced bored time to wonder why the one adult didn't apply Occam's Razor and crack the code.
A dull, plodding, outlandish, irksome experience.