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Hollywood in Bollywood
Reviews
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)
Desolation of Ten Bucks
Wow, I was really disappointed in this sequel. There were so many vaudeville style scenes that were contrived, slapstick-ish, and to boot - really bad dialog and acting. The staged camera angles were first year student nonsense. It seemed that every fight scene tried to outdo any other ever made in speed, deftness, etc - all that meant to the audience was a blur of sword noises and the opportunity for seizures. The original Star Trek (the series) Klingon sounded more natural than the elvish and Ork noises I sat through, and more naturally delivered. The first Hobbit movie was so professional, so well done - this one is just a mess. Save your money and wait for the DVD.
Rafoo Chakkar: Fun on the Run (2008)
Ridiculous, just plain dumb
The musical intro to the movie "Dus" was innovative, exciting, and sexy! Every movie since has tried to imitate it, most unsuccessfully. This one is no different. I think they forgot the one ingredient "Dus" had - really sexy men. Okay, so much for the intro - it gets worse from there. The acting is just so-so, the script is awful, and the plot line/premise is just plain dumb. When Kokila and Koena are attacking the men that attempted to molest Mili and Julie, the action was so poorly choreographed that it would pass for (bad) dancing, not fighting. There are so many incidents of "nonsense coincidences" in the movie that it strains the imagination and hurt my brain. Munnu and Pappu are annoying and irresponsible, and you actually start to root for the police every time they are arrested. I gave this film a "2" because there was one point where I laughed out loud, but it was so unmemorable that I can't think of the scene. Not great review for a comedy, just skip it.
Kaun? (1999)
Kaun? Should be Kyom?
Who? Should be Why? Why would Ram Gopal Varma make yet another ridiculous "horror/comedy" movie? Why would Urmila agree to take this horrible role? Why did I waste several hours of my life watching this? There were too few characters in this movie(three)and it was limited to one set, which made it more suitable for a stage play versus film. That alone did not make it a bad movie, the plot alone would probably make an incredible stage play. However, Urmila's bad acting (this coming from a big fan) and the ridiculous script made it insufferable. And of course, RGV's insistence on atrociously bad "horror movie music", you know the kind that -bump bump bump, thump- shakes you up waiting for something bad to happen and it's just the wind. It's not innovative, not thought provoking, not even interesting. Plot twists abound to the point where you don't even care. Halfway through the movie you hope everyone dies so you don't have to suffer anymore.
Bechainee (2000)
You know it's bad, it's bad, you know it!
What a nightmare! I relied on the general description of the film, thinking I was going to see a family drama. I was 3/4 way into the film before I could figure out what was going on. The movie opened with some familiar but unnamed symphonic overture. Heard it a thousand times, in westerns. The music score was atrocious, misplaced, unbalanced, loud, and one (maybe) original song was repeated over and over throughout the film. The acting was bad, and the scenes were choppy and disconnected, but I don't blame the performers as much as the writers and directors. They worked with what they had, not much. Sudesh Berry (Yash) has the looks to be a superstar, what a hunk. A semi- Shah Rukh look alike, he could be forgiven for overacting as a drunkard. But he will probably never be forgiven for his role in this terrible, awful movie. Don't watch this.
Anubhav: An Experience (2003)
Ridiculously awful piece of work
I watched this monstrosity under the anglicized title: "The Game of Love", with English subtitles. The only thing more horrific than the subtitles was the actual film. Choppy shots, really poor direction and really bad acting were the hallmarks of this film. If the summary confused you, it's a well written piece of literature by comparison to the script. It seemed that the director started filming, and was asked by his friends if they could be in the movie; so he kept adding unrelated scenes to include them. The first 20 minutes are so haphazard and barely related to the plot that it defies understanding. The "so called westernized" costumes are so scandalous that the most brazen Hollywood hussy wouldn't be seen in them. Oh, I mentioned the first 20 minutes, if you hang in there and watch the other 60 minutes (which you will regret), it is equally difficult to ascertain what the heck is going on.
Kaafila (2007)
Good subject, lame treatment.
I love a good action flix, and I love a good Sunny Deol action packed film. But this was not one of them. The plot outline started well, then deteriorated. The action sequences were lame, poorly acted, and unexplained. How did this not destroy his career, or the careers of any one even moderately involved? This is close to the most awful film I have ever seen. Nothing made sense after the first five minutes. Sunny Deol didn't even appear until half way through, and his arrival made no difference. Most of the performers seemed to have been picked off the street with no regard for acting ability, scenes were thrown in haphazardly, as if someone made a suggestion and just went with it. Save yourself a lot of wasted time and just don't do it - don't watch this mess. I gave it a "2" only because the subject matter was important. It should have been handled by more competent writers and actors.
Na Jaane Kabse (2011)
Tragedy King and Drama Queen
This story begins with all the elements of a really bad "B rated" film: a mediocre opening song with a veritable newcomer, the predictable abandon at the altar, then the over acting, squeaky voiced, super nerd librarian to the rescue. Don't worry, it gets better from there. Garry Gill's premier performance is a winner, he has looks, personality, and great chemistry with Amrita Prakash. Gill plays the wannabe playboy that always loses the girl, and Prakash plays the sheltered geek that runs away to find adventure. Veteran artists Lillete Dubey, Sharat Saxena, and Gurpreet Guggi add star power to this delightful romantic comedy. There are lots of cute song and dance sequences and a few plot twists.
Yeh Hai Pyar Ka Mausam (2001)
Cable Channel Choice
I subscribe to Bollywood movies through my local cable channel. In exchange for giving us at least one new release every month, they bombard us with repeats and really, really bad movies like this one. It appears to be written by an ADHD teen girl while texting with a friend. It also appears to be filmed by the same teen girl, with a 20 year old camcorder. The script was awful, the plot was awful, the continuity was awful, the acting horrific, the songs disastrous, and the background music was really, really bad. Thankfully, it was short. I'm just waiting to see if anyone else falls into the cable trap and watches this one too. Usually the movies that have less than 5 votes suddenly get noticed when they're aired. There was just way too much randomness and direction switching for one film to be enjoyable.
Diary of a Butterfly (2012)
Wasted film, but no talent wasted (cause there was none)
What's happening in Bollywood lately? This was horrific drivel, pulling out every low card (slow motion showers, over lengthy sex-scenes) to keep men in the theater. Beyond any other Mumbai flick I have seen lately, this one proves that the only qualification for funding is an "all white skinned" cast (except for servants). The rest of the country probably keeps wondering where do they find them all in a brown skinned nation? Gul, a wannabe clothing designer, arrives in Mumbai to fulfill her dreams of success, and has no problem using anyone and everyone to scale whatever heights she can get to. Good plot, no substance. Poor acting, shallow character development, awful songs, poorly developed storyline, zero realism. Makes it difficult to endure to the end. One or two actual well known names that probably don't list this one on their resumes.
Ab To Aaja Saajan Mere (1994)
Really awful teenage fairytale
I have seen over 1000 Bollywood videos, and I am amazed at the portrayal of women in India. Several movies, this one included, have had the line "an Indian woman only loves once in her life". Is this true, or is it just a social opinion thrust on females through cinematic reinforcement? If it is true, someone should have told Ganga that she was not in love. True love is something that is formed BETWEEN two people, it occurs when an attraction is reciprocated. What she had was a major crush, something that stems from teenage immaturity. Watching the moronic back and forth between her and Jamuna, each so willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the other, was painfully irritating. They acted as if Shyam had no say whatsoever in the matter. Women are still being treated as if they lack the intellectual maturity to "get over" someone without committing suicide. Copycats exist everywhere, media is a major influence. Show real women with strength and eliminate some of the nonsense drivel regarding female emotions. Skip this movie if you hate fairy tales, really dumb ones.
Hastey Hastey Follow Your Heart (2008)
Yikes! My eyes hurt!
Awful would not be a strong enough word for this movie. First off, I wanted to jump in the screen and turn down Jimmy Shergill's collar and button his shirt. Who thought that would make him look cool? (It didn't, it made him look stupid and superficial.) Every song and dance was cheap, low budget and bad. And anyone with a vague familiarity with the US could tell that once again, different cities were being passed off as New York and really awful British actors/actresses were being passed off as Americans. It took me 2 weeks to watch this 2 hour atrocity. I had to keep pausing because it was so horrible. The script was bad, the acting worse, the plot ridiculous and the side story (with Rajpal Yadav) dumb. Even the clothing designs were ridiculous, making the "so-called" American females (the ones with British accents) look like street walkers in every scene. What a waste of time and money. Any participation in a film like this in Hollywood would be a career ender.
Awake (2012)
The jury is still out......
I, too, was intrigued by the commercials and made sure to catch the pilot. "Awake" has the most original concept for a TV show in years, and I won't spin my brain cells trying to analyze the causes, realities or future plot direction - I'm just ingesting what's given me now. However, one scene in particular irritated me. What was the point of the love making scene? Are we so jaded that every actress/actor has to agree to strip, regardless of talent, to get a contract? It served no purpose, did not advance the story, and reeked of the "I can't really write so I'll use the standard flesh" formula to tantalize the viewer. The direction was choppy, but good, and enough interest was garnered by posing the question of what happened the night of the accident. But I'll reserve my opinion for a few more episodes - and hope they leave the soap stories for the afternoons.
London Dreams (2009)
Bollywood - please age check!!
There are so many good young actors/actresses in Bollywood now. The directors, in their desire to pull in box office results lean too heavily on the tried and true actors. Come on - Salman Khan is 45, Ajay Devgan is 41 - always, always they are cast as 20 somethings, and paired up with actresses half their age. Every time Salman is cast as a younger person, he over acts (remember Yuvvraaj - eewww, what a nightmare!). It's gotten old, and tiresome, and the result is stuff like this. This movie would have gone over a lot better with really younger leads, and a decent ending. Someone fell asleep and now the viewing public gets to do the same. They should take a clue from SRK and "act" their age.
Rakhwala (1971)
Seventies Hero Flick
Dharmendra plays Deepak, an honest, hard working son. His family consists of his widowed mother and younger brother Suresh. By luck, he stumbles on a good job, but with the wrong man, Mr. Jwalaprasad. His mother takes his oath to protect his younger brother when on her death bed. She also reveals a family secret about his brothers real identity and missing fortune that is overheard by the dangerous Shyam. Shyam has been plotting against Deepak with Mr. Jawalaprasad since he lost his love, Chandni Jwalaprasad, to him. Through a series of bad events, Suresh is murdered, and Deepak is imprisoned. The film also has a light hearted side story of a love struck compounder (pharmicist) and his bosses daughter. There is an abundance of campy seventies beatnik wear and music, plenty of one-on-ten hero fights, and the mandatory twist at the end of the story.
Bhooka Sher (2001)
Campy? It wishes it was!
I watched this movie hoping, praying, it would get better. What can I say? The acting, filmography, costuming, props, directing, editing and dialogue were all horrible! Choppy film sequences dominated this disaster, even the songs were below average. It was obvious that some of the film sequences were shot once, and repeated over and over, to save money. There were three rape scenes that were unnecessarily graphic and brutal. The majority of "special effects" - if you can call them that - were chintzy and lame. It is hard to follow who Ganga is after, she has vowed vengeance, yet it appears she slays ten people instead of the original five, because all she does is ride here horse around the same corner, attacking someone else. I could have watched it again, and kept track of it, but why torment myself. Don't torment yourself by watching this one. I gave it a "2" because Dharmendra was in it, although I can't understand why.
Shatranj (1969)
A Campy Delight
This was a fun film, based loosely on James Bond thrillers, that reeked of the 1960's. Full of camp, it featured the "super spy" type disguise masks, red flashing lights, European phones, desk sized communications devices and hidden panels. Rajendra Kumar plays Jay/Shin Raz, the undercover Indian Agent called on to defeat the communist threat of Major General Ko Lum's secret service. Mehmood plays Amir, his partner and master of disguise. Shashikala got the best role as Comrade Suzie, the fashion hip communist spy. Helen, of course, appeared in full dance mode as Salma, Mehmood's undercover counterpart. Waheeda Rehman (as Meena)was the damsel in distress kidnapped in an effort to expose the agent Jay. Lots of beautiful song and dance numbers by Waheeda, Shashikala and Salma. If you love laughing at really dated action scenes in cars, boats and planes, this is the movie for you.
Tum... Ho Na! (2005)
Stay away from this one!
I've always liked Jackie Shroff films, he always seemed to pick really good roles. Then, there are ones like this. I had thought he stooped as low as possible when he acted in "Naksha". But this film, made the year before, proves that Naksha was a step-up. Horrible, horrible, not even plausible plot. I love movies, fantasy land is my favorite realm. But this doesn't even go there! From the first shot to the finale, you are dumped in stupid land, where Jai, the returning war veteran going thru post traumatic difficulties, moves onto a boat with an old veteran friend. He then befriends a psycho female junkie, who commits a murder. Fast forward six months (not even realistic) and he is married, financially lucrative, and being lauded in all the papers as a young genius. This publicity unearths all the nut cases he's already met, freaks out his wife and puts him in danger of divorce, jail time, etc. Highly unnecessary scenes that make you beg for blindness. Waiting for the film to get better is just a dream, although the final scene is the only normal, sensible part of the entire movie. Too bad the other 2 hours stunk.
Dus Numbri (1976)
Potential "Cult Classic"
Where has this movie been all these years? It is so incredibly bad, it's good! The acting is awful and hammy, the script is horrible. The songs even are atrocious too! But once you put it on, you'll stay with it to the end, because it's that good. The plot is overlaid with bad guys, lots of twists and turns (done with the utmost of corn), and the requisite boy-mom, street boy, boy-girl, revenge and reunion scripts that are so Bollywood. There is nothing redeeming about this movie, but you'll find yourself dressing like him at Halloween, or plopping in the DVD for a party anyway. When you mention "Rocky Horror" or "Clockwork Orange", throw in "Dus Numbri" too. I highly recommend it!
Double Cross: Ek Dhoka (2005)
Horrible beyond belief!
The plot was loosely based on a true story. Sonia, a wealthy and educated entrepreneur, travels to India to find a husband. There she meets and weds uneducated Sahil, taking him back with her to London. He is forced by her into prostitution to maintain their lifestyle, she blackmails him into continuing with threats of revealing his behavior to his folks back home. Sahil is not allowed to keep money, and his passport has been destroyed. He meets a stripper, Negar, with whom he falls in love. She tells him that they can escape his evil wife.
If you value your time at all, do not waste 104 minutes watching this drivel. Soft porn at it's sleaziest. Sahil Khan, best known for college comedies like "Style" and "Xcuse Me" models his way through this movie, first a pose, then a pose without a shirt, then a pose putting a shirt on. Then, ride left and right all over town on a motorcycle.
Negar Khan's performance lacks anything resembling acting. She pouts unnaturally enlarged lips and mumbles her lines. There is absolutely no chemistry between any of the characters in this film.
Ayesha Jhulka, a veteran performer, hands the most convincing performance as the evil Sonia, despite having to work with an awful, choppy script.
Songs weren't that good, most done for the shock factor of exposing skin or raunchy "sex scenes" (well - not sex scenes by US standards but Bollywood standards).
I gave this movie a one, simply because they do not offer the option to give negative numbers! Don't even think about watching this one!
Saawan... The Love Season (2006)
My vote of 1 was extremely generous!
EEEeewww! How do I describe this? The script, acting, directing, songs, choreography, everything surpassed horrible well into pathetic! For starters, who mish-mashed that script? Hey, lets shoot a dance scene in South Africa and another in Dubai (we won't bother to justify why, just send them there, shoot, get a phone call and they have to return home.) Lame. I knew when it started with one of the most awful songs I have ever heard and seen that it was going to be a lemon. Salmon Khan and Jonny Lever were included only for star appeal, they were given nothing to work with except stupidity. How do you explain that Jonny and Raj meet each other one night, then are stuck together for the rest of the movie? How can Raj commit murder, then five minutes later celebrate life and love? Characters pop in and out, no real plot line is developed, and you are left with a feeling of wasting hours of your life. What is with the "spacy insight" effects? You could overlook how pitiful they were the first time, but to be repeated so many times is misery. I suffered watching this. Hopefully you won't make the same mistake. Yet another movie where I feel IMDb should add a zero or negative numbers to the vote!
Kaal (2005)
What a waste of talent!
The movie begins with a song and dance routine, a teasing close up on a set of lips pursed to convey a kiss! Then, just over the top of her head, you can see familiar eyes, what a tease! I'd recognize Shah Rukh Khan in the shadows anywhere! Ah, and he delivers a fantastic and energetic introduction. Here's a hint, turn your DVD player off now. You have just seen the only part worth watching. Save yourself a lot of time or press rewind and watch the dance again. If you continue, you will be aggravated at yourself for watching so much talent go to waste. There is barely a plot, the script is pathetic, and nothing, I mean nothing happens that you can't see coming 20 minutes beforehand. I gave the movie a "one" because I had to give some credit for the dance (which by itself rates a "ten"), and also because there was no option to give it a "zero". This is supposed to be a suspense filled thriller about mysterious deaths in the jungle. There is no suspense, no thrills, and you find yourself hoping that they all die just to get it over with.
Honey, We're Killing the Kids (2006)
OMG, how pathetic!
The casting director, nutritionist and any one else affiliated with this drivel should be drawn and quartered. The pitiful high tech "aging" software used as a teaser on commercials to drag you in is the only interesting part, and it got old, fast - thanks to the monotone, poorly produced presentation. The parents were told to gather up the junk food, but not throw it away! Hello! Any sense in that? Yep, lets keep low quality, high calorie chemicals disguised as food around as "rewards" for good behavior! The parents were given "healthy recipes" to make that didn't even approach reality. They were unappealing, too hard to prepare and tasted terrible, guaranteed to be ignored as soon as the cameras left. Tofu is cool, but I haven't had it in 20 years. Get rid of the doctor, or give her acting lessons - my cats fur balls are more interesting. This show makes living healthy, as I have done for years, look too difficult to be bothered with. It seriously undermines any chance for success by the families or viewers. Good idea - bad show. Don't waste your time.
Vaah! Life Ho Toh Aisi! (2005)
Cute, but no brass ring
What a really cute movie. Perfect for a Saturday afternoon with the kids. Not a serious movie, lots of cute comedy. But that's where it ends. If you're looking for a kiddie comedy, fine. But for adult entertainment - it lacks considerably. The plot is far fetched, the characters are not well developed, the special effects are chintzy, and several situations that arise in the beginning of the film are forgotten, left completely unresolved by the end. Pitiful screenplay, but the actors/actresses did okay with what they had. Even with a good cast, it's a bomb. It definitely won't help anyone's career. Watch only if you have a child/grandchild watching it with you. Otherwise you'll feel you've wasted a few hours time.
Mr Ya Miss (2005)
So incredibly funny!
Okay, this is a comedy. And it's one that's been done before, so many times. You'd expect it to be stupid, simply because it's a B-list film. Hold on to your funny bone, this is hilarious! It is so well done it's almost believable! From Sanjana struggling to walk in heels to dragging (literally) her date home, it's too good to miss. The plot twists keep you guessing what's next. The end comes too soon, you've fallen in love with all the characters, and want to see where it will go in the future! I had actually bought this DVD, set it aside for a day when I had nothing else to do, and didn't think it would be that great. Now I'm glad I own it, I can watch it again and again with the family, and have lots of fun.
A History of Violence (2005)
Tension and character development
Tension and character development are extremely well done in this movie. You root for the family, and anguish over their situation. With what they were given, the actors were great. THAT IS IT! Everything else was removed from the "Violent Movie Formula" cereal box and the plot can be seen coming a mile away. I was really disgusted with the TWO highly unnecessary, highly graphic sex scenes. Does Hollywood really feel that America needs more pornography? They were out of place, they added no substance whatsoever. If I want porn, its everywhere - I don't need it in my movies. Are these actresses so desperate for employment that they're willing to strip on film? Nudity and artistic expression are not mutually dependent - just watch a Bollywood film, sexual tension and passion are expressed fully dressed without even touching each other! Hollywood is too cheap to try something that deep when you can go for the quick thrill. Otherwise, this is an okay action movie, not award worthy (don't know how it was ever nominated), with an ending that leaves you thinking (what happens next, why did I rent this, etc).